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To get so worked up about sleep?

(29 Posts)
hippoherostandinghere Tue 14-Feb-17 21:42:44

I have 2 DC. Ds 7 and DD 5. We've always had a very set bedtime routine from when they were babies and they were always in bed by seven and asleep soon after. Now they're a bit older there is more activites on in the evening and sometimes they're later getting to bed. So I feel when we're at home all evening they need to get to bed early to catch up on their sleep.

But DS takes forever to fall asleep and I find myself getting quite worked up about it. He had a really busy weekend which involved a lot of travelling and lack of sleep. He then couldn't sleep Sunday night and had to be up at 630 for me to go to work on Monday morning. Told DH to put him to bed early while DD and I were out on Monday evening. Came home to find him still wide awake reading. He then wasn't asleep to after 9. Same tonight.

Am I stressing too much? Is after 9 every night normal for a 7 year old? I'd really just love him to get a few early nights when we're not out.

Believeitornot Tue 14-Feb-17 21:44:04

After 9 is late! Well it is for mine who are the same age.

What has your DH said about this?

Ilovecaindingle Tue 14-Feb-17 21:44:22

My 8yo is asleep by 730 every night.
10+11yo by 9 every night.
They sleep til 7/730.

Gallavich Tue 14-Feb-17 21:46:06

My ds is a night owl who will not sleep before 9-9.30. I used to get stressed about it but about 2 years ago I gave up and his bedtime has crept later until it's lights out at 9.30. He's not tired and he won't sleep earlier. Some kids just need less sleep! Stressing doesn't help

Gallavich Tue 14-Feb-17 21:46:39

Sorry ds is 8.5 now

hippoherostandinghere Tue 14-Feb-17 21:47:16

See I knew it was late! Dh feels the same as I do. DS is in bed by 730 any night we're at home but he just won't fall over until much later. Don't know how to help him.

AllTheLight Tue 14-Feb-17 21:48:10

9pm is later than normal for a 7yo, but they're all different. My DC1 has always needed less sleep than his siblings. I also struggled to fall asleep as a child.

If he's reading quietly in bed then I would try to stop stressing about it.

hippoherostandinghere Tue 14-Feb-17 21:50:25

They were both in bed at 7 tonight. DD asleep around 8 and Ds after 9. He'll be up again at 630 amsad

lalalalyra Tue 14-Feb-17 21:52:44

Sometimes they just don't need more sleep. How is he normally? Is he constantly tired or is he getting enough sleep for his body?

My 8yo is unusual, but doesn't fall asleep until around midnight and he's up at 5.15am every morning. He's been checked over by various docs, but he's fine. He doesn't fall asleep or feel tired at school. He's active, eats well etc. He just doesn't need as much sleep as the average kid. Which I guess to have an average someone needs to need less!

Unless he's constantly yawning and obviously tired I'd stop stressing about the extra sleep. If he doesn't need it, he doesn't need it.

hippoherostandinghere Tue 14-Feb-17 21:56:50

He doesn't seem overly tired during the day. Very active, plays football 3 times and week and swims once a week. Doing great at school. He's small and under weight but always has been as is DD.

Crabbitstick Tue 14-Feb-17 21:58:39

What's pre-bed routine like? Screen time limited?

justlikekatycarr Tue 14-Feb-17 22:00:21

Are you and your husband below average height?

The thing is, it's very hard to force yourself to sleep. It doesn't sound like an act of deliberate defiance on his part: more that he simply struggles to adhere to sleeping at 7.

How about sending him to bed at 8?

hippoherostandinghere Tue 14-Feb-17 22:01:14

Very little screen time on school days. 30 mins tonight at 6. Stories together from 630 then into seperate rooms. Where he will lie and lie and not sleep. He's read a full Tom Gates book in 3 nights.

hippoherostandinghere Tue 14-Feb-17 22:01:45

5 foot 3 and 5 foot 8.

Believeitornot Tue 14-Feb-17 22:01:47

Why is he still reading at 9? I turn the lights off for my 7 year old. He doesn't control that aspect of his bedtime.

hippoherostandinghere Tue 14-Feb-17 22:02:54

I turned lights out at 8 tonight.

justlikekatycarr Tue 14-Feb-17 22:04:06

Tossing and turning helps no one sleep, ever!

Gallavich Tue 14-Feb-17 22:05:38

I really think you should just accept that's how he is and stop stressing

edwinbear Tue 14-Feb-17 22:20:09

sleepfoundation.org/excessivesleepiness/content/how-much-sleep-do-babies-and-kids-need

I have DS (7) and DD (5). I looked into this a while back and found the above chart as I too was concerned DS wasn't getting enough. I like him to be asleep by 7.30pm but he is often still awake at 8.30pm-9pm and wakes naturally somewhere between 6-6.30am. I've decided to just accept he doesn't need anymore sleep.

One problem I've had, is that my anxiety about him getting sufficient sleep has now rubbed off on him and maybe once or twice a month he appears at around 9.30pm upset and worried that he can't get to sleep, so will be tired the next day - a bit like an adult waking up at 4am and then watching the alarm clock getting increasingly anxious about not being able to get back to sleep. So I've tried to really step back from trying to insist he has more sleep than he needs.

Crunchymum Tue 14-Feb-17 22:25:49

How many nights are you not at home for bedtime of thereabouts? (Sorry you mention "the nights we are home" or similar a few times)

Tinkerbec Tue 14-Feb-17 22:44:24

Really is not late.

As above same with my dd, age 8 , asleep at ten us up at 7.00am. No problems , always awake before me.

Again had her to the doctor ; he said some kids just don't need 12 hours.

Stop stressing its perfectly normal.

Crabbitstick Wed 15-Feb-17 13:56:26

I think it's recommended that you have at least an hour free screen time before bed. Adults too. We fail at that in our house.

Rinceoir Wed 15-Feb-17 14:06:08

I think 7pm bedtime is a very British thing. All my friends/colleagues assume I put DD to bed at 7! My DD is almost 3- bed is 8-830, up at 730 during the week. On holidays usually more like 9-930 bed, up 830-9. She's full of beans so she's obviously getting enough sleep. She's a night owl naturally and I presume that bedtime will get later naturally as she grows.

Believeitornot Thu 16-Feb-17 15:53:20

Why is 7pm a British thing? Children need more sleep, so putting them to bed early makes sense especially when most people have jobs to get to so need to get the dcs up early....

Although a child "full of beans" doesn't necessarily mean they're getting enough sleep. I know my children get very hyper when they're actually over tired. And they're 7&5!

Rinceoir Thu 16-Feb-17 16:02:54

Just that people here seem to assume bedtime is 7pm. I've been told before that children need to go to bed at 7pm. There's nothing wrong with a 7pm bedtime; but there's nothing inherently wrong with a later bedtime either. My DD gets 11-12 hours sleep a night, if I bring her to bed earlier she just won't sleep. She doesn't need to get up earlier than 730 so it's not a problem going to bed later. Sometimes she has a nap in the day, sometimes she doesn't. She's not hyper, just a normal, active 2 year old.

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