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To think that meeting up with others who also have toddlers sounds nice, but in reality is shit?

(32 Posts)
MeNeedSleep Tue 14-Feb-17 18:10:19

I have a 7yr old & a 3yr old. We met up with friends today who both have 3yr olds. My 7yr d was in school.

It always seems like a nice idea, meet up, they play, we chat etc.

But in reality other people's toddlers really piss me off. It's fair enough that I have to deal with my own dd's 3yr oldness, not wanting to walk, whinging, walking in random directions, waving sticks about, not wanting to sit and eat, or share etc.

I really like my friends but when you have to deal with other people's kids doing it too I kinda always wish I'd just gone out on my own with dd. My friends were probably thinking the same thing!

I have a 7yr old and when we go out with friends who have dc if a similar age it is fab! They play well, entertain each other, eat well, share well.

I know in a few years my friend's 3yr olds will be a joy to be around. But atm, the reality is shit!

JohnLapsleyParlabane Tue 14-Feb-17 18:11:13

I hear you!

meeerkat Tue 14-Feb-17 18:16:56

Yeah pisses me off no end grin

I love meeting friends for coffee and walking round the park. Anything to get out of the house and make the kids tired.

All the things you listed annoy me.

But my main issue is one of my friends has a 3 year old who hits.

Hits if she wants what my kid has.
Hits if a toy won't do what she wants.
Hits if my kid tries to join in a game/toy.
Hits for for sake of it.

It's a mystery why, she's generally a nice kid, only 3 so can't do that much harm, but my god it pisses me off every time she smacks my daughter who has never hit and never retaliates.

My friend is a bit too calm and doesn't reprimand her in a way that I think drills it on how wrong it is, so I get the rage and want to really tell her off and put her in a corner till she can play nicely.

But instead I have to sit there saying "oh she will grow out of it" smile

ExcuseMyEyebrows Tue 14-Feb-17 18:16:57

You're right. My children are adults now but my memories of get togethers with friends with toddlers were the constant interruptions. We were lucky if we managed to say a dozen words to each other during the course of an afternoon.

bertiesgal Tue 14-Feb-17 18:20:31

I have 4 age 6 and under.

Nobody makes plans with us any more. This should make me sad but actually it's much less stressful.

We have cousins over but most day trips are just us.

My little brood entertain each other.

I'll miss these days sad

Magzmarsh Tue 14-Feb-17 18:22:33

I agree, long time ago for me but recall it was craptacular

Rugbyplayersarehot Tue 14-Feb-17 18:22:41

Mine are grown up too but my antenatal group are still together and friends. Why? We stopped meeting in the day with the brats and met every fortnight in the pub.

Toddlers are unspeakable grin

NavyandWhite Tue 14-Feb-17 18:22:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MeNeedSleep Tue 14-Feb-17 18:25:02

We'd be better off going to the pub without the dc. But never have time for that or the energy after 8pm

The way my friend's parent isn't an issue, although at one point today during a walk I did think for goodness sake just pick your child up for 10 minutes so we can catch my dd up, who is running off ahead in the right direction. But she was probably thinking slow your child down so mine can explore a bit!

Rixera Tue 14-Feb-17 18:26:03

I think it depends on the child.
My DD is very playful by nature, she's quite happy walking with me while pretending to be a helicopter or whatever, occupies herself with her own feet if bored. We regularly meet up with a mum and her little boy who is DD's age and very placid, chatty but shy. They play together and it's brilliant.
But with DD's cousin, it's dire; she's a noisier, hittier child.
It's pure luck imho, DD could just have easily been that kid so I meet up and keep an eye on both to give SIL a break, but it is a relief to get home.

dylsmimi Tue 14-Feb-17 18:30:23

I dont mind it when we are outdoors somewhere (not near any roads or shops) but my heart sinks when someone says 'shall we come to yours'.
Then you have someone elses toddler running riot and try to nicely stop them doing all the things your own children aren't allowed while the friend drinks tea seemingly oblivious!

witsender Tue 14-Feb-17 18:37:46

Yup. Unless it is a park or whatever where you can sit while they play, I never go.places with friends. Not somewhere that requires walking round, funfairs, museums etc etc. Done that too many times, one always wants to walk on to the next thing while one wants to stay and look/play, out need to balance a conversation with friends while talking to kids etc... I fly solo most of the time

MeNeedSleep Tue 14-Feb-17 18:40:19

Oh navy that sounds awful! Luckily my ds friends and parents or okay grin

WorraLiberty Tue 14-Feb-17 18:42:46

YANBU. I don't really like spending more than about 10 minutes in the company of other people's kids, especially toddlers.

I was lucky in the fact I was pretty much the first to have kids in my group of friends.

I never went in for all the 'Mummy groups' or baby groups either.

SueGeneris Tue 14-Feb-17 18:43:10

It's pants isn't it? My DH always says (I'm at home with toddler and was with elder two before that ) 'oh you get to go out gallivanting with your friends.' No. I get to speak to my friends in half sentences while chasing after children and never finishing a conversation. It's so hard to sustain friendships too that way because you don't get uninterrupted time with them.

meettherussians Tue 14-Feb-17 18:45:21

I force myself to do one,maybe two at most toddler meet ups/playdates a month, mainly to stop myself feeling like a shit mum/not loose touch with my mum friends/do the right thing for DS in letting him be social and make and keep friends. But I get nervous palpations on approach, am aware of the clock ticking ever so slowly and every minute that goes by when there, and feel so elated to leave I normally have a bottle of wine as a post bedtime treat to reward me. I hear ya too OP!!

Hopelass Tue 14-Feb-17 18:46:02

I have two friends I've kept in contact with from my first NCT group and our kids are 3.5 now. We meet up for their sake at soft play, farms etc but have to have a separate night out for us adults to catch up because it's impossible to talk with all the interruptions! Good excuse to bugger off out and leave the dads to babysit too.

MeNeedSleep Tue 14-Feb-17 18:46:33

That's what I'm saying wit It's not the toddler personalities really. Yes my friend's ds is a hitter, but she's on it.

It's the general irrationalism or a 3yr old, their randomness, lack of urgency, direction, awareness. They don't care that they're sitting on the floor holdig everyone up. But when you finally get them moving the other one then decides to sit randomly. Or they're all finally sitting nicely at the table eating lunch, but then one decided to get up, which distrubs the others who then also decide they want up despite only taking a bite of sandwich.

No specific parent or child is to blame as to how the day is going, they all take turns.

MeNeedSleep Tue 14-Feb-17 18:48:40

Yes sue you could spend every day with these parents for a month and still know very little about what's going on in their lives as you're interrupted, forget what you were talking about and start a new subject!

RNBrie Tue 14-Feb-17 18:51:43

The worst friends are the ones who think I want to hang out with their toddlers on the couple of mornings a week that mine is in nursery grin. I mean, seriously?!?

MeNeedSleep Tue 14-Feb-17 18:59:12

Haha RNB that reminds me, I dropped ds off at school and was walking back with dd(3) and dh. We were planning on taking dog for a walk.
I saw my friend just dropping her ds(3) of at pre school and was now child free.
My dh suggested to me that I go and ask her if she wants to come for a walk with us. I laughed at him! Lovely thought, but I can guarantee that the last thing she wants to do in her precious 3 child free hours is come for a walk with our 3yr old!

Rugbyplayersarehot Tue 14-Feb-17 19:13:03

Look at it this way it's only for at least 13 years. After that they don't want to know you and deffo not your friends. grin

Pub every month?

Rugbyplayersarehot Tue 14-Feb-17 19:14:29


MeNeedSleep Tue 14-Feb-17 19:15:35

grin rugby and then I'll look back to this point with rose tinted glasses on!
We should make more of an effort to meet up just adults!

Mrstumbletap Tue 14-Feb-17 19:16:35

Completely agree OP, I much prefer meeting my friends after bedtime. So dinner, pub, cinema, etc that's where we actually get to chat and not be interrupted by toddlers.

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