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To say that if exH has been our all night drinking that he cleary can't care for DD?

(34 Posts)
ilovehalloumi Tue 14-Feb-17 08:53:15

I'm sure I'm not, but im being told I am.

ExH got in from a night drinking with workmates after his shift at 6.25. I know because he has been sending me incoherent texts since then and before that phone was off so am assuming that's when he got to a charger. Texts literally make no sense, so judging by them he is still pissed.

Have taken a days leave and told him I will care for her. Judging by misspelt swear words on text he is not happy about this.

I am livid.

AIBU? He will probably turn up later this morning. Want to be certain im not being.

ilovehalloumi Tue 14-Feb-17 08:53:57

Apologies for typo in title *clearly

ilovehalloumi Tue 14-Feb-17 08:54:31

DD is 5 (half term here)

ScrumpyBetty Tue 14-Feb-17 08:54:50

YANBU. What time did he get home last night?

Trifleorbust Tue 14-Feb-17 08:56:49

What are the arrangements between you usually? Was this his contact day? What time was he meant to have her?

drspouse Tue 14-Feb-17 08:58:24

Is he supposed to be driving?

ScoobyDoosTinklyLaugh Tue 14-Feb-17 08:58:25


I've been probably still over the limit the next day after a few drinks the night before and looked after DD but I wouldn't stagger in at 6am on a weekday after drinking all night and think it was a good idea to be the primary carer for the day. That's what the weekends are for.

Hope you and DD have a lovely day together.

Trifleorbust Tue 14-Feb-17 09:02:37

Hold on though, has he been drinking all night? What time did his shift finish and what time is he meant to have her?

Gileswithachainsaw Tue 14-Feb-17 09:03:43


Of course people will pile on very shortly to tell you he has every right to parent as he pleases even if that means he's still pissed from the night before or hungover so badly he may as well not he there.

But if you can't go out have a few drinks and still stay sober enough to function the next day then you need to grow up.

People can't help being ill or disabled or whatever which means they have days where they are laid up of vomiting or struggle to get out of bed.

People can however help going out getting pissed and assuming without asking that someone else will take on the responsiby were meant to have.


Soubriquet Tue 14-Feb-17 09:09:36


Especially if he's driving

How irresponsible

I've had a few drinks when I've had to care for my children the next day but whilst I might have a slight hangover, I've not been that pissed that I can't care for them. Something your ex obviously isn't capable of doing

Trifleorbust Tue 14-Feb-17 09:11:52

hungover so badly he may as well not he there.

My issue isn't with people thinking it's not great to be hungover and in charge of a child. It's probably not great. But it doesn't render you incapable of caring for them unless it is very, very severe and you can't rise from your bed. Being drunk the night before will make you hungover but you will be perfectly fit to operate a kettle, microwave, oven, TV, go shopping, walk the dog, use a laptop or phone. What aspect of parenting is so hard that it would be impeded by a normal hangover?

ilovehalloumi Tue 14-Feb-17 09:12:59

Sorry, his shift finis he'd at 10pm. He got in around 6.30am. Today is his day. We split holidays and he was supposed to have her from 9 today until 9 tomorrow morning.

ilovehalloumi Tue 14-Feb-17 09:13:37

Okay trifle, fair point.

RJnomore1 Tue 14-Feb-17 09:14:04

Getting in drunk at 6.25 isn't hung over at 9 it's still drunk unless he's been sleeping on a friends couch for hours.

WowserBowser Tue 14-Feb-17 09:15:14

He won't even have a chance to sleep it off! Craziness.


WowserBowser Tue 14-Feb-17 09:16:08

Yy, that's not a hangover- it's still drunk.

ilovehalloumi Tue 14-Feb-17 09:17:14

Okay. Thank you. Its a good job I booked a day off (my boss is amazing) as he hasn't turned up yet

Inadays Tue 14-Feb-17 09:18:23

You've done totally the right thing in taking the day off. He has been totally irresponsible and I would be seriously questioning his ability to look after your dd in future. Difficult situation for you OP, but stick to your guns on this one. What a selfish thing to do. flowers

Gileswithachainsaw Tue 14-Feb-17 09:18:48

Yy rj

He is still gonna be drunk.
He could have gone out and come home earlier or had less. His "fun" means more to him.than the child does. And he presumably has plenty of child free time to get as drunk as he likes.

MadJeffBarn Tue 14-Feb-17 09:23:53

My dh did this to me a few times. Went out for a 'couple', came back absolutely trashed an hour before I'm meant to leave. Have had to ring his mum at 5am to ask her to pick the kids up for 7 (luckily she's amazing) and my dh has said how unreasonable I've been. But I don't look after my kids drunk, so why would I let him? I don't care if he's the other parent and he should be allowed to parent as he wishes, it's irresponsible. And I would expect him to take precautions if I were that bloody stupid too. After the third time I've told him he's not allowed to go out on the weekends I work because it's not fair.

MojhitoSparkle Tue 14-Feb-17 09:24:24

Yanbu. I think triffles comments apply if he had been out for a few the night before and then slept but woke up with a hangover. What you are describing tho is someone who is still drunk and should not be operating a kettle, cooker etc. Or caring for a 5 y o.

Hope you enjoy your day.

toptoe Tue 14-Feb-17 09:25:23

He'll still be drunk.

Right call on your part.

toptoe Tue 14-Feb-17 09:26:02

I hope he doesn't drive to your house.

toptoe Tue 14-Feb-17 09:27:34

Will he get aggressive if he turns up? Perhaps you should pop out for the morning.

ohfourfoxache Tue 14-Feb-17 09:29:16

If he drives to yours then you could just accidentally drop a quick call to the police explaining that you suspect there is a driver out there over the limit.....

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