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To think if my parents never met...

(29 Posts)
a1990 Tue 14-Feb-17 08:52:49

They would be have led much happier lives. Honestly I think that their lives would have been so much better if they were still married to their 1st wives/husband. Obviously me and my siblings wouldn't be here if that was the case. Anyone else felt this way?

LilacSpatula Tue 14-Feb-17 09:01:04

My Mum and Dad should definitely not have got together (let alone got married) but their ex's were awful and me and my DBro are here so...nah!

LilacSpatula Tue 14-Feb-17 09:01:44

Sometimes I'm tempted to thank my DM's first husband for shagging her best friend as I wouldn't be here otherwise.

Strongmummy Tue 14-Feb-17 09:05:05

Totally. My parents relationship is toxic and has profoundly affected my sister and me. I've been in counselling regarding the aftermath for years and have realised that they operate in that kind if dysfunction and I can't do anything about it

Gaaaah Tue 14-Feb-17 09:06:59

My mum and dad should never have been together. I honestly don't know what possessed my mum. My dad has never been a good looking man. And personality wise was always a pompous shit.

I wouldn't be here but I think if they hadn't met my mum certainly would have had a nicer life. My grandad actually asked her as she walked into the church if she really wanted to do this and she said "Well I'm here now aren't I?" That's not the response of someone who loves their partner unconditionally.

Kitsandkids Tue 14-Feb-17 09:20:24

Aww, these comments are really sad. My mum and dad had their ups and downs but loved each other, were fab parents and ultimately enjoyed their life together. So I'm very glad they met.

BewtySkoolDropowt Tue 14-Feb-17 09:34:44

Wow, I hope my children never feel like that! The crap years with my ex were totally worth it for the joy of having them in my life.

MephistophelesApprentice Tue 14-Feb-17 09:39:53

Given that I think both of my parents are closeted, it would have been far better for them not to meet.

ElfingHeck Tue 14-Feb-17 09:41:56

Not quite the same, but I think my DM would have been happier if she'd worked instead of being a SAHM. Could never say that to her, as her whole life has been devoted to motherhood/grandmotherhood. But I don't think it's made her happy or fulfilled.

PovertyPain Tue 14-Feb-17 09:45:13

I know where you're coming from, op. My scumbag father was abusive in every manner you can think of and my mother was an enabler. They ended up with six unstable children including sons who have turned out just like them and daughters that are nasty fuckers. I'm the nice one. 😇

All joking aside I don't know how I survived and ended up with my wonderful husband. Needless to say, I'm NC with all of them.

Strongmummy Tue 14-Feb-17 09:51:32

Bewty I hope they don't feel like that either and at least you left your partner. My mum always used my sister and me as an excuse for not leaving my dad which just burdened us with guilt and made us feel responsible

swinkle Tue 14-Feb-17 09:58:53

I've felt like this so many times over the course of my life. My father is a deeply nasty, abusive asshole, and my mother can have her moments as well, but I often wonder how much of her nastiness is a result of his treatment of her over their 40+ year marriage. He had stripped her of all confident and self esteem probably long before I was born and I can't help but think she never should have married him. Especially when she's talked of boyfriends she had before she met him; I wonder if she regrets things not working out with them, and part of me wishes she'd stayed with one of them instead or went on to meet someone else, even though this would obviously mean that neither I or my brother would be here, nor my nephew or as yet unborn baby.

AllaboutsheZ Tue 14-Feb-17 10:02:45

I agree. My parents should never have been together, and still shouldn't be. There was so much abuse between them when I was growing up, but they had 4 kids. I think a lot of people just stay together for the kids, which is sad.

ASqueakingInTheShrubbery Tue 14-Feb-17 10:08:28

I can entirely see why my parents were attracted to each other. He was a charismatic, ambitious salesman from a troubled background, and she was a solid, dependable Methodist girl from a sheltered but loving family. Opposites attracted and they could each offer what the other lacked. Excitement vs stability. Clearly it didn't last, Dad never settled and Mum is now much happier with DH2 who is equally stable. I wouldn't go as far as to say they should never have met, because despite the pain, they each met a need in the other for a time.

Note3 Tue 14-Feb-17 10:33:10

Strongmummy - I agree. My parents would consider my siblings and I to be a positive to come out of their shitty relationship but they remained together longer "for the children"...lucky us as we got to experience the backstabbing, nastiness and arguing even longer. They would likely describe us as a joy out of their marriage...well I didn't feel joyous and have blocked out most of my childhood as the nastiness far outweighed the fun.

Katedotness1963 Tue 14-Feb-17 10:42:37

I have often thought my parents would have had much happier lives if they'd never met . Or maybe if they'd never had children. My mum was fond of telling us she never wanted kids.

a1990 Tue 14-Feb-17 10:45:30

My parents definitely stayed together for us kids but all of my siblings Agree we would probably have been happier if they lived apart. It's sad and now they have wasted their hole life together and I'm the one feeling guilty about it!

a1990 Tue 14-Feb-17 10:46:48

*Whole not hole

WasabiNell Tue 14-Feb-17 10:47:05

Nope my mum wasted 40 years of her life on my abusive dad. I don't know why she did it and it makes me scared to commit to relationships in case I turn out the same. She says she never for a minute regrets it though because she wouldn't have had me and my brother otherwise but she kind of has to say that 🙄

a1990 Tue 14-Feb-17 10:47:23

Whole not hole ( don't know why it posted twice)

LilacSpatula Tue 14-Feb-17 11:03:31

PovertyPain we may be related

Natsku Tue 14-Feb-17 11:07:31

My parents are happy together (as far as I know!) so overall its good that they met but I do wonder if mum might have been less religious and more 'free' in a sense if she hadn't met my dad.

Natsku Tue 14-Feb-17 11:08:53

Also I would definitely be happier if I had never met my DD's dad but then I wouldn't have her and she is very much worth it. Very glad I left her dad while she was still too young to remember but wish I had left as soon as I found out I was pregnant and never told him about it as then she'd be much better off.

Aderyn2016 Tue 14-Feb-17 11:16:46

Not quite the same but I often think of the random choices made by my and dh's ancestors and am grateful for our, and our children's existance. If any of them had made even slightly different decisions, then we wouldn't be here. Scares me a bit sometimes - the things I decide to do now will alter who my dc marry and the kids they have!

NarkyMcDinkyChops Tue 14-Feb-17 11:25:31

My parents were a trainwreck of a couple, but I'm fucking awesome, so no, in answer to the OP.
smile

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