Telling nursery DC is sick

[Booboostwo]

I am SAHP so I end up doing most of the day to day stuff with DCs. This week I am away and DH is holding the fort. Both DCs are unwell, they had fever last night and I just managed to contact DH this morning well after the time DCs were due at nursery and holiday art camp. Of course neither DC went in as they are sick and contagious but DH didn't call either nursery or the art club to let them know. He also made me sound out to be a bit bonkers at suggesting that, firstly, he should have called and, secondly, he should have known he should have called.

DH has form for being 'helpless' but he is just driving me mad with the DCs and this approach. I manage with both DCs ill, it's a cold ffs, they have one every bloody month.

I am dealing with a shitstorm of problems here and I am annoyed DH can't deal with the basics at home. I am always supposed to deal with DCs so he can concentrate on work which always turns out to be more serious, more important and more urgent than anything I am doing.

[TeaBelle]

I don't always get a chance to call nursery first thing to tell them that did isn't coming in due to the likelihood of us both sleeping in after a crap night. I don't see it as essential tbh

[HaPPy8]

I think YABU. As long as he is looking after them thats all that matters.

[Jengnr]

They'll probably ring him. It's shit of him but I wouldn't make it my problem tbh, you have enough on.

[Sirzy]

Yes he should have phoned BUT as you have said normally you deal with that stuff so if he is busy sorting ill children - and it sounds like there is a lot more going on too - then I can understand why that may not have even crossed his mind.

In the grand scheme of things it's annoying but shouldn't be a major issue

[Littlecaf]

Actually I think YANBU. Why shouldn't he call? That's just standard courtesy and it takes 2 mins. I wouldn't be annoyed if my DP did that but I'd think he was a bit silly not to have.

[MatildaTheCat]

Bit annoying. Drop them an email and feel glad you aren't cooped up with two poorly DC.

[thunderbuddy]

When I worked in nurseries we appreciated being told, purely because we might be planning a trip out or a walk to the park or such and not know whether to hang on for them or whether to save enough lunch etc.

[Mehfruittea]

Literally the first time I went away with work after DS was born, at 4yrs old, DH had a full in nervous breakdown not just because he had to cope on his own and DS was ill.

And the cat had fleas and the boiler broke. 18 months on and DH hasn't fully recovered and knows now he will always have some degree of vulnerability. He just can't cope with this level of shit. If you love him and accept him for who he is, you may need to also accept this kind of fuckwittery.

[RedAndYellowStripe]

Your issue is that he has no idea what needs to be done. So what is obvious to you, because you've already done it so many times, isn't for him because he has never done it.
The solution is an obvious one: he needs to be more involved with his own dcs. However, it's clear that your arrangement means that he has a get me out of jail card as childcare is your responsibility.
He also needs to take responsibility for his actions but as he won't be the Ines to go back to the nursery, he will never feel the 'natural consequences' of his actions (e.g. Nursery asking what is going on, making commenstbyhat he should have rung etc...)

What I am wondering too is about your organisation for this week.
If you are away this week and the dcs are too unwell to go to nursery, who has been looking after the dcs, organised that etc?
Please tell me that he didn't just go to work and you ended up rushing around to find someone to look after them etc...

[Iamastonished]

It's common courtesy to let them know. Also, if it develops into something like chicken pox they need to know so they can make other parents aware.

[Booboostwo]

OK mea culpa for being grumpy. The universe has already punished me...my jeans (only trousers for trip) are developing a hole in the crotch!

Redandyellow DH works from home, self-employed and had already arranged for a light week as child cover was for mornings only. The DCs might zonk out in front of the TV for a couple of hours while he firefights a couple of things.

[Aworldofmyown]

YANBU - its a bit crap of him.

However, you are parenting him and them from afar. Which is a bit crappy of you. Just concentrate on what your doing and leave him to it. You can blame him at the nursery when you get back