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To want to spend time with DP in the evenings?

(61 Posts)
foreverinthered Mon 13-Feb-17 20:08:12

Genuinely don't know if I'm being UR or not but here goes...

Back story - DP and I both work full time, very long hours and have a toddler. Week days are spent working until 6 then playing with/bathing DD and putting her to bed. Then cooking cleaning washing emails and general household things that never seem to end.

Dp has always been into fitness and has all the work out stuff, weights benches etc. At home. In November time his friend decided he wanted to bulk up so dp has invited him over to work out with him (was supposed to be for a week then friend would do it at home once he knows a workout plan)

Anyway we have a small house and the only space to work out is our living room so now every single weeknight Monday- Friday DPs friend comes over at 9 and they work out in the living room (It's been 3 months!!)

I wake up at 6 and leave the house at 7.30am so by the time they are finished is late enough for me and I end up asleep before they are done, with them being downstairs I am demoted to the bedroom every week night and I miss doing normal things like watching tv/being with dp and just being able to have some wind down time in my own living room.

He says I am BU to want him to stop as this is his only hobby and he likes doing it with his friend as they can help each other with weights etc but I really don't like it and feel like I should be able to go in my living room after work without him and not feel like I'm invading on him and his friend.

I've told them to join a gym but he doesn't want to do that, I've suggested going to friends house but dp doesn't want to drive there and back every night.

I feel like I'm being a cow and irrational but I just want my week nights back!


kitXi Mon 13-Feb-17 20:16:06

YANBU, every night for three months? That would drive me INSANE, you've been a Saint to put up with it for as long as you have!

It sounds like DP doesn't really get how shit this is for you, I don't understand HOW he doesn't realise but he apparently doesn't so you'll need to make it clear. I notice he doesn't join a gym because he doesn't want to, and doesn't go to his friend's because he doesn't want to do that either. But what about what YOU want? Are you supposed to be happy with being banished to the bedroom alone every night?

You're not being irrational at all.

SalmonFajitas Mon 13-Feb-17 20:22:54

WTF? YADNBU. Every bloody weeknight? I could put up with it once a week maximum. Who cares that it's his only hobby? Hobbies shouldn't get more of your time than your partner and child.

PidgeyfinderGeneral Mon 13-Feb-17 20:26:09

Jesus Christ. Taking over your living room to lift weights every night for THREE MONTHS? I'd have killed them both after a week.

Crunchymum Mon 13-Feb-17 20:27:43

This is madness.

I'd be laying down the law now. If not to DP then to his friend. Maybe the friend will be more reasonable than your selfish DP

What do you do in your room every evening? Sounds horrible and lonely.

Why did you ever agree to the weights bench to begin with? (If you are short on space)

You've given him options now it's time to put your foot down.

thinkfast Mon 13-Feb-17 20:27:53

I think I would say to dp, sorry but enough's enough. You can't monopolise the living room any more and if your friend is still coming over to train, I will be using the room, watching tv etc etc and they will have to make space for you

arethereanyleftatall Mon 13-Feb-17 20:29:48

Yanbu. If he can't see what's wrong with this scenario, and you genuinely weren't sure if ywbu, then I've no idea how you would start explaining how obviously unreasonable it is.

ElspethFlashman Mon 13-Feb-17 20:32:39


Your DP clearly prefers to spend his time with his friend than you.

I would be thinking carefully about my future. He should want to spend time with you. It's normal!

Please don't say the most time you spend together during the week is having sex. Cos that would indicate what he wants you for. Not for company, just for relief.

Henrysmycat Mon 13-Feb-17 20:33:05

OP, you are a saint! That's all I'm gonna say. Hobby for 5 nights a week, are they serious?

happypoobum Mon 13-Feb-17 20:34:18

YANBU - does he have form for being so selfish?

Chloe84 Mon 13-Feb-17 20:35:09

So he wants to relegate you to the bedroom 5 nights pw instead of driving to his friend's house?

Tell him the rooms are called living room and bedroom for a reason and that you will be using the living room for its intended purpose from now on.

Marmalade85 Mon 13-Feb-17 20:35:12

What the actual fuck! confused That isn't a hobby, it's an almighty pisstake YADNBU

Hellmouth Mon 13-Feb-17 20:35:22

I wouldn't have let it go past two weeks, you have been a saint and YADNBU!!!!

Trifleorbust Mon 13-Feb-17 20:35:48

What he does in the evening and wanting to spend time with him is one thing, but bringing his friend over and setting up a fucking gym in your front room is just unacceptable. It is your home, not a sports centre! Just tell him it stops right now. He needs to go elsewhere if he wants to work out obsessively.

harderandharder2breathe Mon 13-Feb-17 20:37:08

That's crazy! At the very least they should alternate who's house they're at!

Yadnbu to put your foot down.

Does his hobby mean you're stuck doing the household jobs?

pinkyredrose Mon 13-Feb-17 20:37:28

Woah that's outrageous! Does his mate not think it's weird? How about you invite a mate round for dinner every night for a wk. A 3 month long wk.

It's totally unfair that they expect you to fuck off our of your own space. What happened at the end of the first wk to make it continue?

Tell 'D'P that he might like to remember that he has a wife and partner. So what if he doesn't want to go to a gym? It's not his house to do with as he wishes, it's yours too. What was he proposing to do after the first wk anyway?

Tell him if he wants to live the life of a single guy then he can fuck off to his mates for good.

RoboticSealpup Mon 13-Feb-17 20:41:45

He says I am BU to want him to stop as this is his only hobby

It's his "only hobby" because it's occurrent impossible to have more when your "only hobby" takes up every bloody minute of free time during the week.

Or are your supposed to feel grateful that he doesn't also go roller-skiing all weekend?

Sparkletastic Mon 13-Feb-17 20:41:52

What the fucking fuck?!

This needs to end today.

RoboticSealpup Mon 13-Feb-17 20:44:22

(Sorry for typos, sitting in dark room with sleep-refusenik toddler.)

pinkyredrose Mon 13-Feb-17 20:45:23

OP is this symptomatic of an underlying disrespect for you?

pictish Mon 13-Feb-17 20:48:27

I am open-mouthed! shock
So he spends every weeknight working out and lifting weights with his mate in your sitting room?

Is he completely fucking insane? confused

TheRumTumTugger Mon 13-Feb-17 20:48:30

Presumably you own half the house/pay half the mortgage/rent, yes?

Tell them to get to fuck. The cheeky bastards.

GTS Mon 13-Feb-17 20:48:38

Wowsers. There is NO WAY this would be going on under my roof. He is being completely unreasonable.

pictish Mon 13-Feb-17 20:50:10

Good point Pinky. Is his pal not uncomfortable taking up residence in your sitting room every fucking weeknight to lift weights? Does he not realise how inappropriate that is, even if your idiot partner says it's fine?

HeirOfNothingInParticular Mon 13-Feb-17 20:50:46

You are definitely not being unreasonable. I shouldn't laugh but it sort of reminds me of the scene in Gavin and Stacey where Uncle Bryn sets up a gym in his house for 'the boys'!

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