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Rational advice needed before I do something....

(92 Posts)
Beautifulbabyboy Mon 13-Feb-17 18:07:02

My son goes to a very small school. I had a BIG falling out with one mum last year. Neither of us came out of it well. (To summarise she sent me a bloody rude email 3 days before a class event for the adults I had organised, and I called her publicly on it - overall she shouldn't have been an idiot and I shouldn't have bit..)

Anyway, she has not spoken to me since that day. I say hi when our paths cross, she ignores me etc. I invited her kid to my DS's party. She never replied.

Anyway, just found out she has arranged a whole class party and left my son off the invite list. I am feeling pretty sad.

So do I (a) do nothing. (b) send a polite text saying it would be nice if we can could get passed this. If I do send a text, what do I say?

Beautifulbabyboy Mon 13-Feb-17 18:08:00

I should add it is a 6th birthday party.

Thefishtankneedswater Mon 13-Feb-17 18:11:17

I'm in an bitchy mood today so my first reply would of been "it's me you have fallen out with not my DC, what has my DC ever done wrong to you to be the only one excluded from your DC party?

My sensible head says be the bigger person and ignore.

Mablethorpe Mon 13-Feb-17 18:16:12

I've found out from bitter experience that the 'tits and teeth' method of dealing with this works best for me (i.e. Just grin and bear it).

Yes, it's a nasty thing for her to have done but imo, some people aren't worth wasting your energy, good or bad, on them.

Beautifulbabyboy Mon 13-Feb-17 18:16:28

I am thinking this
"Hi Xxx, I have just found Child is having a birthday party at the end of February. I know you and I are not on good terms but it would be lovely if my DS could come. It would be my MIL dropping him off and wouldn't stay, up to you. Thanks so much"

Beautifulbabyboy Mon 13-Feb-17 18:17:03

It's just sets such a a bloody awful precedent.

Chippednailvarnishing Mon 13-Feb-17 18:19:01

Rise above it. Don't contact her about it...

But I'd make sure everyone knows how nasty she is.

Hissy Mon 13-Feb-17 18:20:26

Don't fucking lower yourself.

It will be obvious that your child isn't going and you can be open that he was left out.

You can't text her to beg for an invite! Let it go.

Mablethorpe Mon 13-Feb-17 18:20:26

Don't send that, deep breath and move on. Sure your DS will be invited to many more parties over the coming years. I'd really just leave it.

Grilledaubergines Mon 13-Feb-17 18:21:43

How about

"Hi, I've heard your child is having a birthday party and my child is the only child not invited. If my child has upset yours, hence the non-invite, please let me know so I can speak with him about it".

She might reply and she might not. But this focuses on the children's' relationship rather than the parents. If the lack of invite is due to the mother's feelings towards you, it may give her food for thought and she'll probably realise how unkind she has been.

FireInTheHead Mon 13-Feb-17 18:25:18

Agree with pos to just ignore, don't text her and don't let others know how nasty she was, makes it look like you care. I'd take DS out somewhere, pretend it was a longstanding arrangement, others will be sure to decline because they already have plans so he won't be the only one not at the party. Move right along.

Pacha11 Mon 13-Feb-17 18:25:21

Grin and bear it, yes. I would never in a million years beg for an invitation. I would never in a million years beg, fullstop. This will teach your child some dignity. And a valuable lesson not to be a self-entitled brat. ;)

Beautifulbabyboy Mon 13-Feb-17 18:37:23

It is breaking my heart for my little boy. Who does that? Hate me, don't hate my child who has done nothing.

RortyCrankle Mon 13-Feb-17 18:38:53

Sorry but I wouldn't send that text - she will see it as you begging for an invite for your child and derive enormous pleasure from it I suspect.

Perhaps on the day of the party make plans to take your DS somewhere special, I bet he will enjoy that just as much.

Your next dilemma will be do you invite her child if your DS has a whole class party.

Beautifulbabyboy Mon 13-Feb-17 18:41:51

I have to listen to you all. I won't text. The thing this, I don't care if she thinks I am begging, I have no feeling towards/against her. I just don't want this to be the precedent that is set. That its ok for one child to be ostracised.

BlondeBecky1983 Mon 13-Feb-17 18:42:12

I would ignore! Do something lovely with your DS on the day. I'm sure he won't be the only one not there as others won't be able to make it.


Beautifulbabyboy Mon 13-Feb-17 18:42:47

I would invite him. The argument was last June. He was invited to my DS's birthday in the Summer. I don't care about her but I would always do what is right.

user1483981877 Mon 13-Feb-17 18:45:00

Ouch... this would really upset me. It's done though, she is being a child if that's the reason your son wasn't invited. You can't change that so you will have to let this one go I think. And learn to be diplomatic at all times at school.

Astro55 Mon 13-Feb-17 18:45:58

Ignore - she will look like a cow!!

You'll see in a couple of years your DS will have friends and hers will take her mantra and be without

Rise above it - it's only a party -

GwenCooper81 Mon 13-Feb-17 18:48:58

Don't beg for an invite. She's a dick. Take your son somewhere special. I'd make sure everyone knew how horrid she's been though..

Migrainemate Mon 13-Feb-17 18:49:26

Who was wrong in the first place causing the argument?

Thirtyrock39 Mon 13-Feb-17 18:49:30

It will be more upsetting for you than your child. There will be others who can't go for various reasons so won't be totally obvious he's the only one nor invited. It's really harsh but just rise above it. If they're 6 she may feel it would be awkward and she wouldn't enjoy it if you were there and not want the stress

RortyCrankle Mon 13-Feb-17 18:51:06

If you're not convinced then let me ask you this - knowing what sort of a person she is, would you really be happy leaving your DS in her house? She could say anything to him, or be mean in other ways. I wouldn't let her come within a mile of him if I were you.

FireInTheHead Mon 13-Feb-17 18:52:47

You keep doing what is right, OP, that's all you can do. DS will be fine, all kids miss out on one party or another and they get over it, it's how you handle it that makes the difference in how he handles it. Tell him you were taking him out somewhere special anyway so he couldn't have gone.
Best of luck.

Maudlinmaud Mon 13-Feb-17 18:55:43

So glad you have decided not to text her. Rise above it and do something nice with your dc on the day of the party.

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