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To be upset with my 'friend'?

(70 Posts)
MsHoneyBee Mon 13-Feb-17 17:08:26

First of all, sorry, this is long!
So, context, I'll admit it. I'm a very 'fussy' eater. Im getting miles better however I know it's something MN just. Can't. Stand. Anyway it is due to a legitimate eating disorder/ phobia, so please no flaming!

So I went out with a large group to an Indian restaurant. As always, I didn't make a huge fuss. I simply studied the menu and asked the host if we could order some 'non-spicy' chicken things and naan. All fine. (We all ordered separately then the plan was to share)

We got there, food arrives, all totally fine. I tuck in to my chicken, discovered it was still a bit too spicy/had some strange herbs on it, so I ate a little bit, quietly left the rest and ate some naan.

I was happily chatting away, when in comes other 'friend'. She said I must be hungry, try some curry, I smile and say no thank you. She goes on to offer just about everything I keep saying no thank you, I'm fine, I'm not feeling it, etc.

She then starts making a really loud fuss, speaking to everyone "oh I just can't stand fussy people, aren't you starving? Just try some you might like it, etc etc." The host told her to cool it, but all through out the meal she just kept making snippy remarks. Pudding came and I ordered some ice cream, she goes "oh you don't mind eating crap then, hahaha" (FWIW, I split the bill at the end with everyone else, as per)

Anyway, apologies if that was really long. I tried so hard to make sure I was not making a fuss, as usual, and I'm really upset with it. There's another meal in a month, she's coming and I'm so worried she's going to do the same thing. WWYD/AIBU?

MsHoneyBee Mon 13-Feb-17 17:12:42

I mean no flaming for the fussiness. If I behaved rushy then by all means tell me ! :P

gleam Mon 13-Feb-17 17:15:03

YANBU. What a dick!

StealthPolarBear Mon 13-Feb-17 17:15:40

She was a pain.

m0therofdragons Mon 13-Feb-17 17:15:48

Tell her you're a grown up and will eat what the fuck you like! I would never behave like that. Only thing that annoys me with fussy eaters is when they sit pulling "yuck" faces like a 4 yo.

LittleMissUpset Mon 13-Feb-17 17:20:47

I would hate that too, your friend sounds awful.

I am autistic and have some sensory issues around food and a lot of anxiety around it, if someone was like that with me, I would hate it!

iogo Mon 13-Feb-17 17:21:18

What a cow. YANBU

RusholmeRuffian Mon 13-Feb-17 17:21:24

You have my absolute sympathy. You am like you. I can only eat what I can eat and if that's not available I just keep quiet and try not to draw attention. Other people often make a big deal about it in public and make me feel like shit. I hate it.

MaisyPops Mon 13-Feb-17 17:21:24

Fussy eating annoys me when the fussy eater expects everyone to bend iver backwards for their fuss/rules etc.
You've been more than reasonable. You could quite easily have just disliked your main and couldnt eat it (most people have had a funny meal out).

Whats awful is another adult making a scene at the dinner table. How childish on her part.

DJBaggySmalls Mon 13-Feb-17 17:21:29

YANBU, I'm not a fan of spicy food and struggle to find anything to eat. She acted like a teenager.
At least the host noticed, so you know it wasn't you.

KurriKurri Mon 13-Feb-17 17:22:00

She sounds very rude. It's no one's business what you have to eat - how does it impact on her in any way? And you very generously split the bill when you'd had less to eat.

Quite a lot of folk can't cope with spicy food for whatever reason (my DD has IBS and finds eating out hard, but her friends are very understanding and don't comment on her choices) Can you suggest somewhere to eat next time that has a bit more choice for you on the menu ?

Other than that I would just ignore her as if she hasn't said anything. Sounds as if the host thought she was out of order too, and probably everyone else did too. She is the one making herself look silly. If she says something you have to answer I'd just be short and dismissive.

'I see you like eating crap'
'Is that a problem for you Ms Rude ?' or
'It's better than talking crap' if you want to be rude back grin

FireInTheHead Mon 13-Feb-17 17:23:02

YANBU. She was incredibly rude to draw attention to what you were/were not eating like that. She is the one who was causing a fuss, others' food preferences are none of her business and you'd be quite within your rights to firmly tell her to concentrate on her own dinner choices not yours. I'd ask her outright in a calm manner "Why are you trying to publicly embarrass me? It's very bad manners. Please stop it." You don't really like spicy food or exotic flavourings so you did exactly the right thing, you ate what you thought you would enjoy, quietly left aside what you didn't, it's not like you sat there making 'ugh, yuck, ew' noises.

HecateAntaia Mon 13-Feb-17 17:23:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScarlettFreestone Mon 13-Feb-17 17:25:59

She behaved appallingly.

If she does it again, I would politely call her out on it. "You can't stand fussy people? I can't stand pass remarkable people. If you could please stop drawing attention to my food, I won't draw attention to your bad manners"

Say it with a calm voice and a big smile.

lalalalyra Mon 13-Feb-17 17:26:00

Fussy people like you aren't a problem imo. Fussy people that folks dislike are the ones like my sister who is a vegetarian who dislikes pasta, soup and most vegetables and therefore is an absolute pita to feed AND who regularly changes her likes and dislikes.

Someone who finds something on the menu, eats a bit, and enjoys the evening is not an issue. Your 'friend' was fucking rude. I'd pre-empt the next meal by telling her that you will order and eat what you like and you don't appreciate a running commentary of your meal as it made the meal awkward for everyone.

Hopefully the host might have had a word with her after.

zzzzz Mon 13-Feb-17 17:26:52

Just say "you're behaving like a bully. Why do you need to control what I do or don't eat?"

SapphireStrange Mon 13-Feb-17 17:28:51

She was immature and rude to make a fuss and draw attention to you. The only rule as important as 'if you're fussy, don't make a fuss about it' is 'don't make a fuss about what other people eat.'

tinglyfing Mon 13-Feb-17 17:28:58

If she does it next time, just keep asking her questions.
Gob on legs - "I hate fussy eaters"

You - "Why?"

Gob on legs - "oh its just so annoying!"

You - "Why do you think it annoys you so much?"

Keep it up for long enough and she'll look bloody stupid......

TrollTheRespawnJeremy Mon 13-Feb-17 17:30:14

I have some obscure food allergies that can be an issue when eating out (places just don't cater for it) so , like yourself, can find myself picking at odds and ends.

I can't bear when people draw attention to it. I don't want to explain myself every single time- if it was an issue then I would have said so, just let me enjoy my night out!

SerialCerealKiller Mon 13-Feb-17 17:30:48

Ah you know she was a dick op, you don't need to ask.
It used to drive me mad too. I used to be exceptionally fussy and there was always someone who would make a big deal of it.

It sounds like you played it right to keep your cool, try not to let it get to you.

RhodaBull Mon 13-Feb-17 17:36:16

She was rude. You are the "model" fussy eater, OP!

You should never draw attention to what someone is or isn't eating, and likewise a fussy eater shouldn't draw attention to their own situation let alone what others are having.

MsHoneyBee Mon 13-Feb-17 17:42:32

I know in myself I want rude, but one of the group did say 'well going somewhere and not eating is a bit rude, so i know at least one person thinks IWBU! Just checking myself I guess. It's an Italian next time, and I do like carbonara/cheesy pasta, so I'm sure it will be a bit better.

MsHoneyBee Mon 13-Feb-17 17:43:44

I like your response fire, although don't know if I'd have the guts to say it! :P

Pineappletastic Mon 13-Feb-17 17:47:34

She was rude.

Well done for even going for an Indian OP, I used to be really funny about spicy food (better now, though still hate coriander) and I have had a couple of people comment that I was 'boring' for always going for the mild options, to the point that I just stopped going with them.

Fussy eaters are only a problem if they make a fuss imo. I use to have this friend who made retching noises if she thought your food was 'gross', that was annoying, used to actually put me off eating.

Kiroro Mon 13-Feb-17 17:47:35

What. A. Cow.

So you ordered some food, ate some of it, didn't make a fuss, split the bill... and she went on and on and on at you. No need.

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