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To stop bothering to try to instigate meeting up with friends?

(9 Posts)
PixieGrace Mon 13-Feb-17 16:01:20

As no one is ever available or willing to meet up with me if I suggest it, yet they all seem to have plenty of time and willingness to meet up with other friends.

I do get invited to things sometimes but if ever I suggest anything people are always busy or tired, or don't fancy it, or will "get back to me" then never do.

I suggested to a friend last week that we went to the cinema this week with the children as it's half term. She said "Erm, not sure if the kids will fancy going to the cinema, can I let you know?", and then today she's been tagged by some mutual friends on Facebook as being at the cinema with the kids!

It really upsets me and annoys me that everyone clearly has an abundance of time to meet up with others but never with me!

Like I said, I do get invited to things, but there are times when I'd like to do things/go somewhere with a friend and no one ever seems to want to.

AIBU to just do things on my own in future and not bother to try to instigate any plans, and then just go along when someone invites me if I feel like it?

Magzmarsh Mon 13-Feb-17 16:05:12

Sounds like they're closer with other friends than you and give them priority which is really shit for you.

Think you're probably better trying to cultivate some new friends op. Good luck flowers

PixieGrace Mon 13-Feb-17 16:33:34

Thank you Magz xx

Unfortunately none of my friends ever seem to consider me a close friend or best friend, even friends I've been friends with since I was at school seem to value other friends more. I think I'm just 'there' if that makes sense.

Magzmarsh Mon 13-Feb-17 16:37:05

Sorry you're experiencing this. I think you'll find when you start being more self reliant and not giving a shit people seek you out more. Give it a go 😁

user1483981877 Mon 13-Feb-17 16:38:02

Yep. Perfect sense to me. I think the unfortunate truth is that we must be 'barking up the wrong tree' so to speak. So, only thing to do is move on. It's a hugely painful, sucky process though. I hope that one day it will be different and I will feel like one of those friends that the people I thought were my friends have prioritised over me. Onwards and upwards.

maggiethemagpie Mon 13-Feb-17 18:36:40

I had this with a friend OP. I always felt like I was chasing her and it was never reciprocated. So I cut her out. I just stopped making any contact. A few months later, part of her must have realised as she started getting in touch with me and making an effort. Things are slightly better now but I keep her at arms length, never will I be the 'chaser' again.

I think you have to be prepared to let go and see who remains in contact. If you let go and the other person never gets in touch again, you have your answer. Those who do give a shit will make contact eventually. You need to be brave, as it's possible that you stop making an effort and never hear from those people who you thought were your friends again, but I've learned that those kind of friendships aren't really worth anything, so there really isn't anything to miss.

Cherrysoup Mon 13-Feb-17 18:57:06

I get this a lot, a lot of my friends are younger, so I suppose I limit where they meet me. I'd rather a restaurant than a club, for example. I got sick of seeing them on Facebook out together.

A new friend chased hard to ensure me and the DH became her best buds, but she leaves weeks between contact, then instigates something but rarely commits. I get it, we're all busy. I'm afraid I blew her out today, I decided I'd rather have the night in front of the telly (again blush)

PixieGrace Wed 15-Feb-17 20:59:52

Thanks all!

Well I've not made any effort all week and I did get invited out today with my DCs. I really think I'm going to have to just carry on acting like I don't give a shit and just let people chase me if they want to see me.

foxyloxy78 Wed 15-Feb-17 22:36:40

Deffo. Never be the chaser. But agree that you need to cultivate new friendships too.

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