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AIBU?

'Lads holiday 8 weeks after giving birth'

180 replies

Beesandbutterflies327 · 13/02/2017 14:29

My boyfriend wants to go away with his mates to a festival (getting wasted and drugged up in a field😡) 6/7 weeks after I've given birth to my (he has another child aged 1) first child, he seems to think this is his right and I could go away but I've 'chosen' to breastfeed therefore it's my fault that I can't go out without the baby, I feel like he's acting like a man with no responsibilities as he says it's my job to look after the baby during the days and the nights and I feel like he's just going to come and help at the easy parts then tell me it's easy and why am I complaining, he chose to have this baby with me so why do I feel like all the responsibility is on me and he can go out doing what ever he likes, when I speak to him about it then he says he can do what he wants and I can't tell him what to do (I never have and never would) he's almost 30 but acting like a 20 year old AIBU should I just let him go? I just feel like when you have kids you have family holidays until your kids are older, we really couldn't afford 2/3 different holidays a year

OP posts:

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Rubyslippers7780 · 13/02/2017 14:31

Totally ridiculous. Do you plan on bringing up this child together? Do you live together? He does not sound like someone on board with having a baby. Have you family support nearby?

Crunchymum · 13/02/2017 14:32

He has a 1 year old?

I'm guessing you haven't been together very long?

How is the relationship in general? Were your expectations re: children / parenting discussed before you got pregnant?

YANBU at all by the way but sadly you seem to have chosen to have a baby with a feckless manc-child.

2014newme · 13/02/2017 14:32

That would be a No.

But I wouldn't have a baby with a druggie or someone that thought that behaviour was acceptable. Call me square.

Orangebird69 · 13/02/2017 14:32

I'm sure you'll manage for a few days by yourself. Clearly his ex p manages full time with a small child without him....

BaDumShh · 13/02/2017 14:33

I'm not surprised his ex left him so soon after giving birth. Clearly he has form for being a waste of space where babies are concerned.

2014newme · 13/02/2017 14:33

Oh god he already has a one year old, missed that bit. Deadbeat dad unfortunately.

Katy07 · 13/02/2017 14:33

That would be a No.

But I wouldn't have a baby with a druggie or someone that thought that behaviour was acceptable. Call me square.

That'll be two of us being square then....

Creatureofthenight · 13/02/2017 14:34

Normally I'd say of course he shouldn't go, but he sounds like he'll be fuck all use if he is around.
I'd be letting him go altogether, never mind just to a festival.

AyeAmarok · 13/02/2017 14:34

Yes, let him go.

Tell him not to bother coming back either. This man doesn't love or respect you. And he's an irresponsible twit. You deserve better.

Pineappletastic · 13/02/2017 14:35

From reading that OP it seems he is a man with no responsibilities. It sounds like he thinks the baby is entirely your responsibility.

Did you discuss any of this before he chose to have this baby with you?

For clarity did he chose to have this baby with you before or after you got pregnant?

coconutpie · 13/02/2017 14:36

He's a druggie and already has a 1 year old, and you're pregnant with his child? Clearly you're not together very long. Sounds like his ex had sense and left him. You should think about doing the same.

pocketsaviour · 13/02/2017 14:36

So he's got someone pregnant and then left them either during pregnancy or just after birth, then got with you and given you a bun in the oven as well... what makes you think he's going to stick around? Sorry OP he sounds like a write-off.

coconutpie · 13/02/2017 14:37

2014 and Katy - add me to that square list!

stitchglitched · 13/02/2017 14:37

Why would you want a baby with someone who has a 1 year old? Of course he shouldn't go but he is a selfish arse who will do as he pleases regardless so there isn't anything you can do, other than prepare to be a lone parent.

ElderDruid · 13/02/2017 14:39

My DH went away with my family when DS was a similar age, so not only was DH gone but any reserve support system.

By the sounds of it he's immature, takes parenting as a real responsibility, let him have his fun, you can have peace and quiet, maybe a girly weekend.

I've always envied children that go to festivals, but DH isn't the festival type, although I think it would be an amazing experience when they're old enough. That's a different subject though.

Hopefully he'll get this out of his system and realise that he needs to be there for you. Hopefully life won't be too difficult, but if it is, could your Mum stay over?

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 13/02/2017 14:39

He's showing you exactly what to expect from him in terms of being a supportive partner to you and father to your baby - nothing.

But unless this is a sudden and dramatic personality change, you must have known what he was like when you chose to have a child with him? Unless the drinking and the drugs and the lads nights out only started after you got pregnant?

What kind of dad is he to his one year old? Hands-on, lots of childcare, plenty of quality time together?

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 13/02/2017 14:40

He has a one year old?! What's his relationship like with that baby? From the op he sounds like a nob and a waste of space as a father already. And the baby was planned? Hoe long were you together before getting pregnant?

Creatureofthenight · 13/02/2017 14:41

Have you even read the OP properly Elder ?

stitchglitched · 13/02/2017 14:42

Christ missed the druggie but. YABU to have any expectations of this loser. What were you thinking?!

stitchglitched · 13/02/2017 14:42

*bit

ghostyslovesheets · 13/02/2017 14:47

seriously?

MrsBobDylan · 13/02/2017 14:48

Sounds like he'll be fuck all use once baby arrives anyway, a few days absence might not be a bad thing.

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EweAreHere · 13/02/2017 14:49

What on earth made you think he was father material? Your poor baby...

Popskipiekin · 13/02/2017 14:49

You'll be fine by yourself OP. Truly. But that's not really the main issue here is it. Maybe view it as a trial run to kicking him out permanently.

TheCatsMother99 · 13/02/2017 14:49

Usually I'd say yes, let him go as you'd probably be fine if you asked a friend or your mum to help....

BUT

It's not on that he's gong to be off doing drugs in a field. I wasn't purely innocent in my youth, so I'm not one to say no no no to drugs as I'd be a hypocrite, but getting spandangled in a field so soon after the birth isn't fair on you.

You must have known he wasn't entirely responsible though as he has a 1 year old and has already got you pregnant early on in your relationship.

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