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'Lads holiday 8 weeks after giving birth'

(181 Posts)
Beesandbutterflies327 Mon 13-Feb-17 14:29:25

My boyfriend wants to go away with his mates to a festival (getting wasted and drugged up in a field😡) 6/7 weeks after I've given birth to my (he has another child aged 1) first child, he seems to think this is his right and I could go away but I've 'chosen' to breastfeed therefore it's my fault that I can't go out without the baby, I feel like he's acting like a man with no responsibilities as he says it's my job to look after the baby during the days and the nights and I feel like he's just going to come and help at the easy parts then tell me it's easy and why am I complaining, he chose to have this baby with me so why do I feel like all the responsibility is on me and he can go out doing what ever he likes, when I speak to him about it then he says he can do what he wants and I can't tell him what to do (I never have and never would) he's almost 30 but acting like a 20 year old AIBU should I just let him go? I just feel like when you have kids you have family holidays until your kids are older, we really couldn't afford 2/3 different holidays a year

Rubyslippers7780 Mon 13-Feb-17 14:31:55

Totally ridiculous. Do you plan on bringing up this child together? Do you live together? He does not sound like someone on board with having a baby. Have you family support nearby?

Crunchymum Mon 13-Feb-17 14:32:12

He has a 1 year old?

I'm guessing you haven't been together very long?

How is the relationship in general? Were your expectations re: children / parenting discussed before you got pregnant?

YANBU at all by the way but sadly you seem to have chosen to have a baby with a feckless manc-child.

2014newme Mon 13-Feb-17 14:32:25

That would be a No.

But I wouldn't have a baby with a druggie or someone that thought that behaviour was acceptable. Call me square.

Orangebird69 Mon 13-Feb-17 14:32:36

I'm sure you'll manage for a few days by yourself. Clearly his ex p manages full time with a small child without him....hmm

BaDumShh Mon 13-Feb-17 14:33:15

I'm not surprised his ex left him so soon after giving birth. Clearly he has form for being a waste of space where babies are concerned.

2014newme Mon 13-Feb-17 14:33:39

Oh god he already has a one year old, missed that bit. Deadbeat dad unfortunately.

Katy07 Mon 13-Feb-17 14:33:55

*That would be a No.

But I wouldn't have a baby with a druggie or someone that thought that behaviour was acceptable. Call me square.*

That'll be two of us being square then....

Creatureofthenight Mon 13-Feb-17 14:34:00

Normally I'd say of course he shouldn't go, but he sounds like he'll be fuck all use if he is around.
I'd be letting him go altogether, never mind just to a festival.

AyeAmarok Mon 13-Feb-17 14:34:03

Yes, let him go.

Tell him not to bother coming back either. This man doesn't love or respect you. And he's an irresponsible twit. You deserve better.

Pineappletastic Mon 13-Feb-17 14:35:36

From reading that OP it seems he is a man with no responsibilities. It sounds like he thinks the baby is entirely your responsibility.

Did you discuss any of this before he chose to have this baby with you?

For clarity did he chose to have this baby with you before or after you got pregnant?

coconutpie Mon 13-Feb-17 14:36:23

He's a druggie and already has a 1 year old, and you're pregnant with his child? Clearly you're not together very long. Sounds like his ex had sense and left him. You should think about doing the same.

pocketsaviour Mon 13-Feb-17 14:36:36

So he's got someone pregnant and then left them either during pregnancy or just after birth, then got with you and given you a bun in the oven as well... what makes you think he's going to stick around? Sorry OP he sounds like a write-off.

coconutpie Mon 13-Feb-17 14:37:20

2014 and Katy - add me to that square list!

stitchglitched Mon 13-Feb-17 14:37:40

Why would you want a baby with someone who has a 1 year old? Of course he shouldn't go but he is a selfish arse who will do as he pleases regardless so there isn't anything you can do, other than prepare to be a lone parent.

ElderDruid Mon 13-Feb-17 14:39:11

My DH went away with my family when DS was a similar age, so not only was DH gone but any reserve support system.

By the sounds of it he's immature, takes parenting as a real responsibility, let him have his fun, you can have peace and quiet, maybe a girly weekend.

I've always envied children that go to festivals, but DH isn't the festival type, although I think it would be an amazing experience when they're old enough. That's a different subject though.

Hopefully he'll get this out of his system and realise that he needs to be there for you. Hopefully life won't be too difficult, but if it is, could your Mum stay over?

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross Mon 13-Feb-17 14:39:32

He's showing you exactly what to expect from him in terms of being a supportive partner to you and father to your baby - nothing.

But unless this is a sudden and dramatic personality change, you must have known what he was like when you chose to have a child with him? Unless the drinking and the drugs and the lads nights out only started after you got pregnant?

What kind of dad is he to his one year old? Hands-on, lots of childcare, plenty of quality time together?

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 Mon 13-Feb-17 14:40:07

He has a one year old?! What's his relationship like with that baby? From the op he sounds like a nob and a waste of space as a father already. And the baby was planned? Hoe long were you together before getting pregnant?

Creatureofthenight Mon 13-Feb-17 14:41:27

Have you even read the OP properly Elder ? confused

stitchglitched Mon 13-Feb-17 14:42:37

Christ missed the druggie but. YABU to have any expectations of this loser. What were you thinking?!

stitchglitched Mon 13-Feb-17 14:42:52


ghostyslovesheets Mon 13-Feb-17 14:47:51


MrsBobDylan Mon 13-Feb-17 14:48:17

Sounds like he'll be fuck all use once baby arrives anyway, a few days absence might not be a bad thing.

EweAreHere Mon 13-Feb-17 14:49:33

What on earth made you think he was father material? Your poor baby...

Popskipiekin Mon 13-Feb-17 14:49:55

You'll be fine by yourself OP. Truly. But that's not really the main issue here is it. Maybe view it as a trial run to kicking him out permanently.

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