In laws

[Louisearm]

Parents in law decided to do Christmas dinner again, 7 weeks after I hosted it at my house. I went to a lot of effort for Christmas dinner so that my children could stay in their own house on the day. I went all out for the meal, scrap booked ideas since October and even marinated my sprouts, which they were aware of! Aside from the fact I hardly got to spend time with my children on Christmas Day as I was cooking, the meal was delicious and I was very proud of myself. I felt a little under appreciated at the time as nobody was particularly complimentary, but I didn't dwell on it as they can be quite cold anyway, and I knew if done a good job. A few weeks later at the in laws, my 8 year old daughter was helping FIL cook Sunday dinner in the kitchen when I heard him asking her, "who's potatoes are better, mines or mummy's? What about the gravy? You prefer mine don't you?!" So I let that go too, and made sure I was complimentary about his cooking (but not overly😋) But over the weekend there they decided to host Christmas dinner at their house.... In February. Aside from the decorations and presents, it was full on Christmas dinner. Prawn cocktail to start, then turkey, stuffing, sprouts etc and profiteroles for desert. I couldn't help but feel like it was their way of saying "this is how it should be done". Then afterwards, in a room full of people my MIL asked if I had new boots on and asked me "how much did u pay for them? I'd guess twenty quid?" And my response was, "well they were £30 but that was half price". She always makes remarks like this and I normally don't let it bother me but I just feel a bit annoyed today. I can't understand why I'm being put down? Am I over thinking this?

[GrannyGoggles]

No. They're being rotten

[xStefx]

Your not overthinking it, your smack on. However she is looking for a reaction so don't give her one. Don't worry OP mine a little like that even though we get on most of the time. I pretend not to notice and it angers her lol

[NarkyMcDinkyChops]

Yes, you are. It sounds like you made a huge deal about christmas dinner and expected everyone else to be as impressed with you as you were with yourself.
Christmas in Feb is a little odd but maybe they just wanted their own attempt in their own house, the way they like it. No harm.

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

Are you sure it was Xmas dinner?! I cook turkey regularly throughout the year and would always do all the bits and pieces with it, maybe they do too?

I am also guilty of asking DD who makes the best roasties/lasagne/chili etc out of me and her dad

[BarbarianMum]

Inadequate people put others down to make themselves feel better. It is very tedious being around them when they do this.

You can do stuff to make yourself a less easy target. Start forgetting how much stuff cost you - just say stuff like "yes they are nice, aren't they." And make less effort with them - see them less, host them less, engage with them less.

[Rugbyplayersarehot]

Oh dear they sound nasty love. You know what don't invite them this Christmas and tell your dh to back you up.

How passive aggressive. My dils mum is like this and it's a great shame because she drives her away and ultimately we see far more of her( which is great as we love her) and our dgc far more than she does.

Ignore them and don't do any more inviting.

[CookieLady]

Continue not rising to their horrid sniping remarks. They're horrible and unappreciative rotters.

[BertrandRussell]

Did they say it was a Christmas dinner or was it just a roast turkey?

[EdithWeston]

People do eat turkey other than at Christmas. Now, if they had things like crackers and Christmas pushing and mince pies, then yes they're rerunning Chirstmas. But just inviting round for a roast isn't that.

I think you perhaps need to look again at your Christmas. It does sound as if you gave it undue importance - starting planning so early and still thinking about it now. All for a day you were too busy/stressed to enjoy.

Can you simplify?

[Dawndonnaagain]

Whenever my mother (to whom I no longer speak) asked how much anything cost, I always used to say 150 quid. Be it a tablecloth, a pair of boots or a sack of spuds, she only wanted to have a go at me, so I'd be ridiculous. I got a cat's bum mouth in return, but eventually she stopped asking.

[Louisearm]

Yes they said Christmas dinner, the occasion was that their other son was home for the weekend, but he was also present at Christmas dinner at my house. It was reinforced during the meal when he said "it's like Christmas all over again" and she replied "well that's the intention".

[ohfourfoxache]

The simple answer is never to invite them for Christmas again. Nasty fuckers

[StrawberryShortcake32]

Surely nothings set in stone yet? Can't you pretend you had already accepted an invite from someone else this year?

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

Just you, DH and the kids then next year ! Oh, and me, sounds too good to miss ! 😄

[user1478860582]

You marinated the sprouts? In what?

Maybe they picked up a turkey cheap and just decided to do that?

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

Sorry, this year 🙄

[BobbyNoggle]

I think Barbarian has hit the nail on the head with her/his post.
I'd disengage from them as much as possible ; they sound awful.

[Underparmummy]

No invite for them next xmas then! Easy. Done.

Hope your dh knows she's a total witch.

[Trifleorbust]

Sprouts

Let them make idiots of themselves making Christmas dinner in February, OP. Never ask them to yours again.

[WorraLiberty]

Wow they sound rude!

But you haven't mentioned your DH in all of this.

How does he feel about what his parents did?

[Trifleorbust]

Yes, agree with BarbarianMum. Either you can't remember or say "I think about £10 - bargain, eh?"

[CoolCarrie]

My mil is a tight bitch, always asking what did you pay for that?
She even got her niece to ask my parents, more than once, how much did our wedding cost, and was going to open our wedding gifts before we even saw most of them! She asked her sil, in front of other people, how much her other niece paid for her wedding dress,

[Catrina1234]

Hmm - I think you're over thinking this to be honest. I love roasts so wouldn't mind having one as often as possible. But here we go again - at the mere mention of a MIL she's guilty, called a witch and other unpleasant names. OK it wasn't necessary to ask you the price of the boots but can't understand why you're so upset.

[morningconstitutional2017]

There's often competition about Christmas/Sunday dinners etc with in-laws: whose is best? It's a discussion best avoided if possible and this post illustrates this perfectly.
Never ask the question. Your ILs should know better, try not to let it get to you. If your effort is best it'll put their noses out of joint but the other way round you'd be upset. Either way it ends with disappointment.

[StrawberryShortcake32]

Catrina it's difficult I think with in laws.
My MIL is a lovely lady and I've been luckier than most but at the same time she's not my mother, she's not the woman who raised me, nurtured me, yet when GCs come into the equation suddenly we are expected to to treat them like they are our own mum. The simple fact is they aren't. I think that's where conflict stems from as the paternal grandparents sense this and sometimes you get the occasional few that can't handle that and they turn it into a competition or take over. Not all in laws are like that, but I can see how conflict and resentment can grow between in laws and couples, especially when they have children.
But because this is mumsnet and not grandmums net, people on here i suspect mostly favor the DIL as long as she IBU.