My father got custody of me when I was a baby and employed nannies to look after me. The nanny that came when I was 3 soon got into a couple relationship with my dad and I grew up thinking she was my mum. They got married when I was 12 and then told me then that she wasn't my biological mum but obviously I kept thinking of her as my mum and calling her mum.
She was abusive all throughout my childhood, very violent, controlling and punishing. She threw me out of home when I was 15, wouldn't let me see my brothers, and after a hairy few years I got my life together, with much help from friends, kindness of strangers and then starting my own family.
I've had no contact with her for 30 years.
Two years ago she was diagnosed with end-stage cirrhosis and alcoholic dementia and taken into a nursing home. I went (with my brother) to see her but couldn't bring myself to go in her room - I looked through the window and still felt too scared.
But amazingly she now seems to have recovered and is back at her home. I keep thinking about writing to her, wanting to tell her I remember everything she did to me and the harm it caused. AIBU?
I understand she was/is a very damaged person (alcholism, eating disorders, brutal childhood herself, unhappy marriage) and has suffered a lot but I still want to sort of hold her to account for how she treated me. Is there any point?
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AIBU?
To write a letter to abusive step-mum after 30 years NC?
20 replies
HandcuffedToAGhost · 13/02/2017 12:16
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