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To be a bit hurt by this?

(283 Posts)
RealhousewifeofEngland Mon 13-Feb-17 09:46:37

It's a milestone birthday for me later this week. My marriage is in difficulty and as a consequence my birthday celebration this weekend didn't take place. I took my kids to my mums on Sunday. She is well aware of the situation. Not one mention was made of my birthday. When I left she gave me a present and said she was going to write out the card from my (fully grown adult) sibling as she hadn't done it. I told her not to bother as it was hardly a card from my sister if my mum had written it out.

So I left without so much as a have a nice birthday. And I feel quite hurt and a bit upset. My mum knows that I will spend the actual day alone with no celebration and no card from my kids (OH won't bother doing anything since we are "fighting"). Each year on my grown up sisters birthday my mum pays to take us out for lunch and does a cake at home. My sister still lives with my mum. We do the same for my mums birthday with my sister and I splitting the bill for lunch.

I didn't expect my mum to take me out ... but I did kind of hope that she might have got in a cake for me. Just a supermarket job nothing fancy. Just so that my birthday would be marked in some way at least. I wont see her now for weeks and I know the present she has got me is nothing special. Not that she should have but just in case I get responses about how she probably got me a wonderful gift or has a surprise for me. Going by past years I will get a text on the morning of my birthday and that's all.

AIBU?

Also my sister has been mentioning my mums milestone birthday later this year and how we should do something "big". I don't feel very inclined right now.

Trifleorbust Mon 13-Feb-17 09:49:58

YANBU to feel hurt at all.

Happy birthday! cake

gleam Mon 13-Feb-17 09:51:39

How old are your kids? Take them to the shops and let them choose a card and a present.

Elllicam Mon 13-Feb-17 09:51:57

Yanbu sad that is a bit miserable of them. I think the next time your sister brings up your mum's birthday I would say you thought you weren't doing anything for birthdays anymore seeing as they didn't do anything for yours. Are you sure your oh won't do anything?

Magzmarsh Mon 13-Feb-17 09:52:42

That's crap op, hope things are 100x better by your next birthday flowers

Somehowsomewhere Mon 13-Feb-17 09:53:00

YANBU at all.
I know it's not the same but treat yourself to something nice.

gleam Mon 13-Feb-17 09:53:25

And get yourself a few things too - maybe gift wrapped from Amazon?

Make a fuss of yourself - you're worth it. flowers

00100001 Mon 13-Feb-17 09:56:30

Wait. When is your birthday?

It hasn't happened yet?

justilou Mon 13-Feb-17 10:00:26

Is it inconceivable that they have all organized a surprise for you? If not, you need to take the reins and do something special for yourself - whether it be dinner and a movie with a friend or by yourself, a spa treatment, tickets to a show - doesn't matter. Prove that you value yourself.

TathitiPete Mon 13-Feb-17 10:05:19

Totally agree with gleam and justilou Do something lovely for yourself.

Would your DH be the sort though to accuse you of being PA?

RealhousewifeofEngland Mon 13-Feb-17 10:05:35

They definitely have NOT organised a surprise. I will get a text on the morning not even a call. I know this from past years.

Birthday is on wednesday but I don't live near my family so won't see them again for a while.

OH was supposed to take me out to dinner this weekend but cancelled it.

Kids are very young so if I took them out to choose me something it would be a toy smile

user1484226561 Mon 13-Feb-17 10:09:14

don't get the adult birthday thing at all, birthdays are for childen

Euphemia Mon 13-Feb-17 10:12:51

It sounds like your mum is in the habit of looking after your sister on her birthday, because she doesn't have a DH. You've had DH to organise meals, cakes, general fuss-making.

How is your mum dealing with your marital problems? Is she facing up to them, or burying her head in the sand?

My feeling is that if she's never made a fuss of you for your birthday she's not going to start now.

EZA15 Mon 13-Feb-17 10:12:57

I completely disagree. As a child we didn't celebrate my birthday, the result is, as an adult, it gets at least a mention in some way. Why should it be just for children?

XiCi Mon 13-Feb-17 10:17:36

Of course birthdays aren't just for children, what a fucking stupid thing to say.

Happy birthday for Wednesday OP. Do you have any friends available that you could get together for dinner or a few drinks?

MagicMoments22 Mon 13-Feb-17 10:18:07

user1484226561 - that's a bit cold. What is wrong with feeling special on your day. I never want anything big, but a call/FB message of happy birthday from those special to me (an acknowledgement) makes my day and OP I can understand your upset as you have been made to feel lesser than your mum/sis.

I agree with another poster on here - just say you didn't think you were doing anything for adult Bdays now as yours was pretty much not celebrated

flowers cake

treat yourself

MagicMoments22 Mon 13-Feb-17 10:19:09

Happy birthday for Wednesday! xx

RealhousewifeofEngland Mon 13-Feb-17 10:21:28

Yes Euphemia you are right. Nothing much was done for past milestone birthdays of mine either, even when I was single. So I should probably expect the same this time.

My mum knows my marriage is in a bad place. She discussed it with me.

If some people dont celebrate adult birthdays fine, but my family do.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret Mon 13-Feb-17 10:21:49

That is just horrible OP. I would scale back what you do for you DSis and DM from now on. And for the miseries that say birthdays are not for adults, they can fuck off. We all deserve one special day a year.
flowers

FromDistantOphir Mon 13-Feb-17 10:22:31

YANBU at all.

I'm really sorry for you.

Are you sure there's no chance you and DH won't make up before then and go for dinner? If not, he's really mean.

MotherKat Mon 13-Feb-17 10:23:13

Do you have a mumsnet local group? Maybe you could.meet with some other mums and have a naice coffee and cake?
I know it's not the same, but someone will at least acknowledge they are glad you continue to exist.
Happy Birthday RealHousewifeOfEngland.
You are important and people do care.

BlueFolly Mon 13-Feb-17 10:26:30

*he next time your sister brings up your mum's birthday I would say you thought you weren't doing anything for birthdays anymore seeing as they didn't do anything for yours8

This.

And I would buy myself some gifts.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 Mon 13-Feb-17 10:26:47

Levae your twat of a husband.
Take your children to a shop and give them money to pick something for you.
Order yourself something you want.
Every other weekend shen children are with said twat build on your friendships and next year youll be out celebrating wondering why you put up with being treated so crap for so long

00100001 Mon 13-Feb-17 10:28:37

user1484226561

Presumably you get no cards, no presents, no cake, no acknowledgement on your birthday, and are quite happy with that then?? confused

Liiinoo Mon 13-Feb-17 10:38:45

OP. That is really sad, I am not surprised you are hurt. Families can be so thoughtless.

I will be thinking of you on Wednesday and hope you and DCs have a happy day. Make sure you get a cake and make a really good wish as you blow those candles out. flowers🍾

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