DS wants me to buy him expensive gadgets

[MoragWilson]

DS1 is 20 and hasn't worked for 18 months - left last job due to stress and depression. He's now much better mentally but seems to have developed a very entitled attutude - wants/expects me to buy him a new laptop, phone etc. When he was working he bought all his own things but now he just seems to expect me to fund everything while he does not much.

He doesn't claim benefits as finds the whole signing on thing stress inducing although he would probably be okay now. Has applied for a few jobs but really needs to apply for loads to be in with a chance.

He lives with me and DD and thinks I am BU not to buy him gadgets because apparently he needs them. He is an intelligent young man but his thinking on this subject is not reasonable/acceptable. His F is not around.

AIBU to ask for advice on how to talk with him about this as I don't l know how to talk to without being negative and annoyed.

[ilovesooty]

Tell him he puts in a claim for JSA and starts looking for work. Far from being entitled to expensive gadgets he should not be expecting you to fund his bed and board any longer.

[DJKKSlider]

He's 20? He should be fully equipped to understand finances.

If he has no money, he has no gadgets.

He should be grateful he's got a roof and food. He should be getting JSA or, if he is suffering from mental problems, he should get diagnosed and given a time on 'On the sick' whatever its called now .

[watchoutformybutt]

Just say no! Non negotiable. He gets off his bum and gets to the job centre.

[watchoutformybutt]

Just say no! Non negotiable. He gets off his bum and gets to the job centre.

[Soubriquet]

Stress and anxiety aside he needs to grow up

No adult can suddenly stop working because of stress and then wonder why they have no money

Don't buy him anything

[AnyFucker]

You needed to ask this ?

[Starlight2345]

I think that he may find some motivation without his gadgets.

[MyWineTime]

I'd go with a simple "No"
and leave it at that.

[Chippednailvarnishing]

So if he's not working or claiming benefits what exactly is he living off?

[Ohdearducks]

You don't need a conversation just say no.

[Eevee77]

What? Who's paying for his clothes and food etc? Never mind gadgets. He's taking the piss. You need to be blunt. Say no. If you keep accommodating him, the harder he'll find to push himself into the real world, I speak from experience. Explain you've been patient but he is absolutely an adult now and not a chance will you be buying these things. He needs to be claiming JSA. I've been there. I suffered crippling anxiety in my late teens. I still wouldn't dream of taking money from my mum. People of all ages suffer from anxiety and depression. What does your DS think they do?

[MoragWilson]

Your responses are much appreciated.

I know this is a no brainer but I struggle to communicate it to DS.

[PebbleInTheMoonlight]

Write down for DS how much it costs just for him to live with you. A third of all household bills as a breakdown...council tax, mortgage/rent, gas, electricity, Internet, TV licence, water and groceries (arguably rent/mortgage, council tax and TV licence don't decrease if he doesn't live with you but he'd have to pay them if he moved out).

Make it clear that he already receives this money's worth from you every single month. These are life essentials (I do count Internet as essential if you're job seeking).

Providing there's a device he can access the Internet on for job applications and a telephone he can receive calls on there is literally no need for him to have expensive gadgets of his own. Therefore a luxury. If he wants luxuries he funds them.

If he thinks he can get a better deal elsewhere welcome him to try and find one.

[ilovesooty]

I think you might communicate it to him if you stop providing his meals and doing his washing for starters.