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Ex leaving 16 year old in charge of poorly 9 year old

(79 Posts)
Racmactac Sun 12-Feb-17 19:18:21

I have 3 ds, 16 who lives with dad and the other two are 9 & 11.

9 year old suffers nasty migraines, they have just come back from weekend contact.

Saturday ds9 comes down with nasty migraine, being sick and sleeping. Ex decides to take ds11 to pub leaving ds16 in charge of poorly ds9.

I have no problem with ds16 watching ds9 on occasion but not when he was really poorly.

Aibu to think he should have stayed home ??

LindyHemming Sun 12-Feb-17 19:19:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Haudyerwheesht Sun 12-Feb-17 19:19:53

He should've stayed home yes

someonestolemynick Sun 12-Feb-17 19:20:18

Yabu. I really can't see the issue.

BoboChic Sun 12-Feb-17 19:20:54

No problem.

Lilaclily Sun 12-Feb-17 19:22:22

I think that's really mean to go to the pub with one son white another is really ill , you'd think he'd be worried enough to want to be in the house with him
Migraines are awful for anyone but a child whose being sick ? What if he couldn't make it to the loo, it's not like a 16 year old will clean it up is it?

Gatehouse77 Sun 12-Feb-17 19:23:04

Assuming the siblings have a good relationship, the older one didn't object to being left behind and the dad was contactable, I can't see the problem.

abbsisspartacus Sun 12-Feb-17 19:23:22

He took the 11 year old to the pub?

He should have stayed home really unless it was an emergency hmm migraine can be awful how is a 16 year old supposed to cope if it gets worse?

blueskyinmarch Sun 12-Feb-17 19:25:16

If the 16yo didn't mind I don't see why they all would need to stay home because one was ill. Assume their DF would be able to get home promptly if there was an issue?

Racmactac Sun 12-Feb-17 19:26:07

He has only just started seeing them again after a long period of no contact. He only sees them every other weekend - his choice.
I just don't understand why he would leave him to go to the pub. I wouldn't do that, I'd stay with my poorly child.
There is no way 16 year old would clean up after him and these migraines are really really nasty

NoraDora Sun 12-Feb-17 19:26:24

Migraines make kids sleep and be sick. 9yo is capable of sleeping and getting himself to the bathroom. 16yo is old enough to monitor this.

You are making an issue where there isn't one.

I used to be left with grandparents, neighbours, babysitters when I had migraines. No issues at all.

Crispbutty Sun 12-Feb-17 19:27:36

Did they go to watch the rugby? Can't see a problem really. 16yo is more than capable of minding 9yo and presumably the pub was local so if headache had got worse dad could have been home in no time.

Badcat666 Sun 12-Feb-17 19:35:06

Of course a 16 yr old is capable of looking after a child with migraines. I've had them since as long as I can remember and was often looked after by my brothers and sisters when mum and dad had to go to work.

And there is this magical thing called "a bucket" you can be sick into if you can't make it to the loo. (and16 yr olds are able to clear up sick)

Maybe the dad wanted to treat the 11yr old who didn't want to be stuck in the house? Maybe the 11yr old needed cheering up or some quality time with their dad?

Why should the whole family be stuck indoors when the 16 yr old was happy and able to watch over the 9 yr old?

BackforGood Sun 12-Feb-17 19:38:22

There is no issue here.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 12-Feb-17 19:39:45

YABU. 16 y o perfectly capable.

Lilaclily Sun 12-Feb-17 19:41:24

Badcat, it's not the same as going to the pub though is it?

redexpat Sun 12-Feb-17 19:45:13

How does the 9yo experience migraines? Because if its a tjumping headache and nausea then lying down in a cool dark room with minimal disturbance is what he needs. I dont see any benefit in having additional people around.

CustardOmlet Sun 12-Feb-17 19:50:45

As a child who suffered from migraines with an older DSis she would have been perfectly capable of looking after me, all she had to do was leave me alone in a dark room and keep the house cold and quiet until I was sick.

Badcat666 Sun 12-Feb-17 19:50:57

Lilac Maybe they went for a pub meal? Maybe they went to watch the sports? Maybe the pub is near to home so they could rush back if need be? The OP is being very limiting with info IMO.

When I have migraines the last thing I have ever needed is noisy people in the house. I need quiet, and coolness and darkness. Maybe the 11 year old was being a noisy little git or playing up and the dad thought it best to remove that child from the house so the 9 yr old could get some peace and quiet and rest?

We don't know because the OP is drip feeding on this issue.

EdenX Sun 12-Feb-17 19:52:29

Sounds like it was a reasonable parenting judgement call, even if it wasn't the same decision you'd make. Unfortunately he gets to make the decisions on his time.

LIZS Sun 12-Feb-17 19:54:15

Presumably he was local and contactable. 9 yo probably just lay down and dozed.

Leggit Sun 12-Feb-17 19:56:37

God yes that's a problem. Who are all these people that think it's ok to do that. If my kids are ill I stay with them not fuck off to the pub confused

Leggit Sun 12-Feb-17 19:57:53

i dont see any benefit in having additional people around.. Not even the benefit in knowing his dad cares about him more than the pub ?

Badcat666 Sun 12-Feb-17 19:59:35

He fucked off to the pub with his other 11yr old child Leggit, not all by himself.

For all we know the 11yr old was being too noisy or they could have gone for a pub lunch or watched the sports together to give the 9yr old the peace and quiet they needed to get over their migraine.

Racmactac Sun 12-Feb-17 20:04:38

Ok I'm not drip feeding. He took the 11 year old to watch football.
He didn't take him for dinner, he is a good lad and wouldn't have been noisy or horrible to ds9. He is very considerate because he knows how poorly he gets.
I am surprised by some of the responses that you think it's ok.
How many of you would leave your poorly 9 year old to go to the pub to watch a football match.

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