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Don't want to abuse generosity!

(10 Posts)
ThePants999 Sun 12-Feb-17 18:51:03

Hi folks,

Not so much "am I being unreasonable", but wanting to make sure I don't BECOME unreasonable :-) We're bringing up a 5-month-old with no family nearby, so prior to today, we'd only had two breaks in total when family took the long trek up to visit. Today, some lovely friends who are bringing up a 7-month-old with plenty of familial support made the incredibly generous offer to take care of DS for a few hours. It all went swimmingly well, a little playdate for these two babies and a 4-hour break for us. Aaaaahhhh. We've offered to reciprocate, but they assure us they don't need it as they have plenty of support already.

They've offered to do it again, which is an offer we'd love to take them up on! They said a good time was had by all, but I'm conscious that it's a big ask. Just looking for some opinions on how often it's reasonable to ask. We were thinking maybe once every, I don't know, 6 weeks or so?

Riderontheswarm Sun 12-Feb-17 18:57:32

I live right beside family and they have never helped. So once every 6 weeks seems a lot to me. I would maybe ask them on your anniversary and birthdays. But if they really don't mind then maybe you should use them more often. I would get them wine or flowers when they do help to show you don't take them for granted.

Allthebestnamesareused Sun 12-Feb-17 19:00:49

Do it. My parents live abroad and pils about 400miles away. Friends like that are gold dust and in the long run there will be ways you can help too when they are older eg. lifts to brownies/cubs, pick up from football etc . Friends are the family you chose as they say. Offer still every now and then even if they say no its ok. Invite them all over for lunch etc by way of repayment

Drquin Sun 12-Feb-17 19:13:32

Do it ...... maybe don't think of regularity quite yet, perhaps if there's a birthday etc coming up mention that as the next opportunity.
Reciprocate .... but it doesn't have to be exactly equal, just enough to show your gratitude. Flowers on the day, or make double next time you're baking / cooking. Even a heartfelt message in a card would probably mean more yo them, knowing you're really appreciative.

Eevee77 Sun 12-Feb-17 19:16:09

Just wait for them to offer or only ask for special occasions. Never expect anything. And despite what they say, I'd still continue to offer to have their LO.

Bahh Sun 12-Feb-17 19:17:27

Do it. Lovely for your babies to have regular play dates and grow up together. They don't mind, it gives you a break. I would ALWAYS offer to reciprocate though, don't ask unless you really feel you need time off and be careful to read their reactions carefully. People do far too much out of sheer politeness, if it sounds like they're agreeing out of obligation or awkwardness, back off.

Never be afraid to accept help, people try too hard to do it all themselves.

arethereanyleftatall Sun 12-Feb-17 19:20:50

If there's two of you, I'm assuming you get breaks on your own all the time.
So I guess you mean the two of you going out together? I wouldn't set a fixed time like every six weeks, but you could invite them up again in a month or so,if they're up for it.

Pleasestoplickingthetv Sun 12-Feb-17 20:05:37

I wouldn't look at it as a regular arrangement, just someone you can ask when you have a birthday or anniversary or something coming up.
Not sure why, but I feel it's a bit cheeky to ask them every 6 weeks. Even if they have offered.
Saying that, my youngest is 13 months old and we've had 2 nights out. So you're already one up on that!

PotteringAlong Sun 12-Feb-17 20:42:29

Once every 6 weeks is a lot! I agree, don't see it as a fixed arrangement, more a one off.

ThePants999 Mon 13-Feb-17 08:56:31

Thanks folks! Nice range of opinions there. I'll keep it down a bit. We gave them some gifts this time, but I love Allthebest's idea of lunch - thanks!

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