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Neighbours unfair to blame me for my puppy being run over?

(87 Posts)
stillpinching Sun 12-Feb-17 18:13:01

About 8 months ago I got a puppy following the death of my beloved old dog. Obviously not had a puppy for a while, so found training hard but we were going to classes and not doing too badly.

Over the road lives a, well, kind but perhaps overly interested in the neighbours type of person. I have lived her for just over a year, and she made herself known from the start, knocking on the door and introducing herself etc. This was nice, but a few times she and her husband seemed to be a little bit over-invested in my life, commenting on the dc and jobs they could see needed doing from looking at the front of my house, which I was obviously aware of. When ds2 broke his leg, she was over within minutes of seeing me get him out of the car with a cast on offering lifts to school - which was obviously very kind, but a bit odd that she had clocked the situation so quickly. She has often as good as told me she feels sorry for me being a single mother - I am currently divorcing.

Anyway, when I got the puppy she started offering to walk with me with her dog, and gave me a lot of tips, some of which contradicted the advice I was given at training, but I was grateful for her help and company.

Three weeks ago, I was out walking my puppy alone and he bolted underneath a hedge onto a road and was run over and killed. Obviously I am extremely sad about this and regret letting him off the lead that day. But his recall was pretty good and the field in question looks to be pretty secure and is always full of dogs off the lead. He crawled under the hedge and it hadn't looked like an obvious risk. Clearly I am paying the price now for what was in hindsight a misjudgement.

The woman made all the right noises at the time I told her, but now she is blanking me. The change is obvious, as previously she always seemed to appear when I left the house/pulled up in the car, and now she never does. If she is there, she turns the other way. Her dil works in the local shop and tonight when I went in, she was in the back room, came out, saw me and went back into the back room (there was a second person there serving as well).

I feel like the whole family hate me now because I made a mistake with my puppy. They clearly blame me for his death and that really hurts. I feel uncomfortable in my own street now and don't know what to do. I was happy to have moved here to have friendly neighbours, but now they seem to hate me. How can I handle this?

MoreThanUs Sun 12-Feb-17 18:16:27

I don't think even older, well-trained dogs should be let off leads near roads, late alone a puppy. It does sound like a very poor judgement by you that resulted in the poor dogs death. You do seem to have got over it quite well!

quietbatperson Sun 12-Feb-17 18:19:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GeillisTheWitch Sun 12-Feb-17 18:22:43

I'd look at it as a silver lining to the cloud. Someone watching me and commenting on my every move would drive me nuts.

birdladyfromhomealone Sun 12-Feb-17 18:22:43

I am sorry to hear this. It is not your fault, animals are not machines they act suddenly without notice.
Your neighbour sounds odd and over invested in your life as you said.
It may be better if you are no contact with them anyway.
Accidents happen, it was an accident, everyone has to trust their puppy off lead at first and teach good recall.
One of my friends fell off another friends horse on the road, the horse galloped off home and tore a tendon from galloping on the tarmac and had to be pts. The horses owner didnt blame her friend for falling off as it was an accident. Animals are unpredictable.
Please stop blaming yourself.

gamerwidow Sun 12-Feb-17 18:22:52

morethanus how on earth can you tell from the OPs post how well she has got over it? Even if it hasn't caused her lifelong trauma maybe it's because a) it was 8 months ago and b) it's a pet not one of her children hmm

anonbecauseiwanna Sun 12-Feb-17 18:23:12

Well ywbu to let the puppy off the lead... you don't seem too upset either.
You don't like this woman so her not speaking to you is great is it not?

gamerwidow Sun 12-Feb-17 18:24:42

Anyway OP that is weird behaviour on her part and it's probably doing you a favour that she doesn't want to be friends with you anymore. It was a tragic accident, you didn't deliberately hurt your pet.

MollyRedskirts Sun 12-Feb-17 18:25:35

Helpful, MoreThanUs envy.The OP says they realise their mistake. But, y'know, pile on more guilt. It's not like they can magic the puppy back to life.

OP, I would either count yourself lucky that you've escaped the constant attention, or be upfront and ask if there is a problem because you've noticed she's not as chatty as she used to be and you want to get it all out in the open.

Although, she sounds the type that would eventually blank you anyway, over any imagined slight. I know that type - they reward you with their attention and withdraw it to punish you.

omnishamblesssssssssssssss Sun 12-Feb-17 18:26:14

It will pass. It was just an accident.

gamerwidow Sun 12-Feb-17 18:26:39

re-reading I see 3 weeks not 8 months since the incident but I'm still not sure what the OP should be doing to convince you of her regret? What is appropriate dog mourning behaviour ....

monkeyfacegrace Sun 12-Feb-17 18:26:50

Oh ffs you weren't U for letting it off the lead.

I walk my dog for miles and miles, and we go through fields. One in particular has a road alongside it. It's fully hedged and fenced but how am I to know whether or not there's any gaps at all in any part?

Shit happens sometimes.

Take it as silver lining that the busy body has fucked off.

HecateAntaia Sun 12-Feb-17 18:27:26

sorry about your puppy.

id consider the person you describe no longer speaking to you to be a good thing tbh. she sounded nosy and suffocating.

birdladyfromhomealone Sun 12-Feb-17 18:29:00

Bloody hell Morethanus how cold are you?
How can you possibly tell from the OP that she is not upset.
Everyone with a puppy has to take it off the lead sometime to teach recall and a field where there are other dogs is ideal.
How was the OP to know her puppy would find the hedge more interesting than running round the field?

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sun 12-Feb-17 18:29:35

Not helpful. More than and Annon.
Sorry about the death of your poor little puppy. It was an tragic accident. No ones fault.
flowers

F1GI Sun 12-Feb-17 18:31:17

I'd be happy that a nosy interfering person stopped speaking to me. Your original situation of her basically stalking and judging sounds horrendous. Far better that she no longer bothers with you.

Sorry to hear about your puppy.

stillpinching Sun 12-Feb-17 18:32:17

I don't know why or how anyone has got the impression I'm not upset about the puppy's death. It was awful, absolutely awful. If you want me to write about how I ran round to the road having heard the screeching brakes, and then saw the body by the roadside to prove that I care, then I will. I know I made a mistake. I'm not asking WIBU to let the puppy off the lead because I know I was. I still miss my old dog, I miss my ex a lot of the time, and now I miss my puppy too.

I feel uncomfortable about this woman because it seemed like she welcomed me here, and although her attention was a bit much sometimes, it was also nice in another way. Now I'm alone here, but I'm probably being UR and hypocritical.

ArriettyClock1 Sun 12-Feb-17 18:34:30

Perhaps they have judged you over this, but it sounds like you didn't like this neighbour anyway, so you don't need to worry.

user87654321 Sun 12-Feb-17 18:35:20

Was one of her words of wisdom to tell you to keep the puppy on the lead? Not meaning that to sound snippy, btw.

Sorry about the loss of your dog. Clearly, your neighbour feels that you were irresponsible but ignoring you is just spiteful. Surely, if she was that bothered about the accident, she would have approached you? Are you sure it's not something else?

user87654321 Sun 12-Feb-17 18:36:10

flowers

RachelRagged Sun 12-Feb-17 18:37:40

Morethanus .. what a lovely person you sound !! Talk about kick someboy when they are alreay down .

BarbarianMum Sun 12-Feb-17 18:44:05

Letting dogs off the leash in fields/woodlands/parks with a road next to them is considered totally normal around here. Where do some of you live where everyone treks miles from the furthest road to do this ? hmm

Sorry about your dog OP. Don't worry about your neighbour.

Screwinthetuna Sun 12-Feb-17 18:44:06

Op, ignore the mean comments. Sorry about your puppy, that's very sad and not your fault, you were not to blame. Dogs should be allowed off their leads and you thought it was a safe place.
The woman sounds like a weirdo. I'd probably ask her outright what her problem is but tbh, I wouldn't want someone judgy like that in my life. Your dog was killed in an accident, you didn't hang it from your washing line and starve it.
If it makes you feel any better, the breeder I got my lab puppy off told me he didn't agree with leads and took all dogs out with no leads from the word go. I didn't do this but used no lead when I left it was safe, like you did

Lweji Sun 12-Feb-17 18:48:27

You don't know why she's off with you.

I see two options here: ask her what's the problem is and clear it all up, or be thankful you no longer have an overinvested neighbour.

LoveForTulips Sun 12-Feb-17 18:49:53

Sorry to hear about your puppy, like a PP said, accidents happen. We can't control everything.

Can i ask how you know THIS is the cause of her blanking you? could it be coincidental , has something else happened? Perhaps it has nothing to do with your puppies accident.

For me, its a silver lining. I'd love my neighbour to stop talking to me!

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