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AIBU about husband's 'secret'? WWYD?

(353 Posts)
Mum2Hallie Sun 12-Feb-17 17:52:41

So my husband and I have gone through quite a few rocky patches over the years - nearly split up last year, but in the end decided to give it another go (around November time). Since then, things have been going pretty well. The 'being extra nice and helpful' bit wore off after a couple of weeks, but I can cope with that. However...

Half term is coming up (w/c 20th Feb where we live). We both work full time -me in an office, and DH from home with regular travel to clients. I can't take time off this half term, so asked DH if he could - said he was far too busy (which is fine) so i booked DD into a holiday club for the week - this discussion happened about three / four weeks ago.

Yesterday (by chance) I was using his iPad and went into the web browser - his work emails came up and the top message was from his boss about 'annual leave confirmed' - couldn't think why he'd be booking time off, so clicked on it out of curiosity. Saw a chain with the original email from him sent to his boss booking that week off as 'it's half term' then this recent email (Friday just gone) was amending it to four days off instead of five.

I'm flabbergasted. What is he DOING? Gave him the benefit of the doubt and asked for his schedule for that week (something we discuss a lot to organise who picks up / drops off DD). He talked through a really busy week with lots of visits to clients.

I then asked him how much holiday he had left (giving him another chance to own up) and he said 'oh a few days but I'm going to loose it all as I can't spare the time off at the

Given that a lot of our previous issues were based on his frequent dishonesty and my subsequent trust issues, I'm devastated.

I have no idea how to broach this with him, as I feel like it will be the end if I do.

Can anyone think of why this might be reasonable (from his side?) AIBU???? I can't tell anymore 😢

Crispbutty Sun 12-Feb-17 17:54:42

Does he have a lot of work to catch up that he wants to do?

SmileEachDay Sun 12-Feb-17 17:55:18

Unless he surprises you with 4 days of lovely things in the next few hours, I'd be asking him wtf he is planning on doing.

MrsGotobed Sun 12-Feb-17 17:56:24

Desperately looking for a positive in this scenario....any chance he could be surprising you with a holiday? (presumably this could only be a possibility if you don't work or don't have any commitments that week)

Writerwannabe83 Sun 12-Feb-17 17:56:59

How does he think he's going to get away with it? Do you leave before him in your morning and so he was going to make out he was going to work but then not actually go?

user1485471386 Sun 12-Feb-17 17:57:14

I agree with smile. Might be a surprise?? My husband has done this before but if not defo question him!!

Hermanfromguesswho Sun 12-Feb-17 17:57:49

I don't think I'd confront him about it beforehand. I think I'd take a day off myself if you can and try and find out what he's actually up to on his day off!

EssieTregowan Sun 12-Feb-17 17:59:08

Is he having an affair?

Newbluetattoo Sun 12-Feb-17 17:59:13

It's going to be difficult to get an answer without coming clean about seeing his emails. I don't think I'd be able to stop myself from asking him outright. Good luck, really tricky situation..

DrowningSeas Sun 12-Feb-17 17:59:16

Yanbu. Not at all.

I couldn't live like this. I would also be pissed off that he's not interested in spending quality time with the DC


Namechanger2015 Sun 12-Feb-17 17:59:20

I would not say anything just yet and then follow/track him next week to find out exactly what he is up to. Maybe book a day off and follow him. If you ask him now he will be able to bluff he way out of it and your trust issues will not resolve.

I'm sorry, I hope it's all very innocent.

Mum2Hallie Sun 12-Feb-17 17:59:53

Def not a holiday - our DD is booked and paid into holiday club and I have stuff going on at work all week, quite a bit of travel, etc. He works from home so I would know what he was doing.

birdladyfromhomealone Sun 12-Feb-17 17:59:54

Is he planning a surprise holiday for you?
Maybe he has booked the time off work with your boss to?
Otherwise I dont understand how he can pretend to be working.

Pinkheart5915 Sun 12-Feb-17 17:59:59

I'd ask him stariaght out why he's got the week off?

ImperialBlether Sun 12-Feb-17 18:00:11

Why would that be a nice surprise for the OP when she's working? And why would he take time off work to catch up on work at home?

He's still lying, OP, and it looks as though you've made the wrong decision re taking him back. You can do one of two things:

- ask him about it. He might lie again and you'll never know what his plans were

- don't mention it - live out the week and ask him each night how work went.

If he's pretending to go to work, then I'd be presenting him with his bags.

Twitsinspace Sun 12-Feb-17 18:00:27

Doesn't sound great. At best he just doesn't want to look after his child.

Do you see a lifetime of happiness with him?

Trifleorbust Sun 12-Feb-17 18:00:47

I would follow him to wherever he is going. This is very suspicious behaviour seeing as you aren't even off, so I don't see what he could be surprising you with.

seven201 Sun 12-Feb-17 18:01:10

He can't be a surprise though as the op has said she'd already told him she can't do any half term dc looking after as she's too busy at work. I wouldn't be able to stop myself from asking straight away. I'm sorry, I really can't see how this is him not cheating on you. Unless he is 'just' taking a holiday from family life and spending it in a hotel somewhere by himself. How shit flowers

AnyFucker Sun 12-Feb-17 18:01:38

It will be the end if you confront him ?

Yes, and so it should be

You are OK to live like this ?

QueenMortificado Sun 12-Feb-17 18:02:53

Sorry op. If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck....

CherieBabySpliffUp Sun 12-Feb-17 18:03:16

I think I would bide my time. I would ask him on Monday how his day was?
Then if he lies give him both barrels

greenfolder Sun 12-Feb-17 18:05:03

Best case scenario is he is using half term as an excuse to justify time off with his boss and is going to do fuck all the whole week with dd in club.

StealthPolarBear Sun 12-Feb-17 18:05:27

Ask him? Face to face though.

emma6776 Sun 12-Feb-17 18:05:29

My OH sometimes books a few days off work but still works - just without the pressure that his boss puts on him. Catches up on report writing/general admin at home. Playing devils advocate - I've also booked a couple of days leave before and not mentioned it to DD and oh just have some time to myself. I'm definitely not having an affair - but if they know I'm off I always feel like I need I do house stuff etc.

TheMythOfFingerprints Sun 12-Feb-17 18:05:56

It works out well tbh.
4 days is plenty to pack his shit and move out.

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