My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

Wedding AIBU: to not have an evening reception?

93 replies

BriefParanoidNameChange · 12/02/2017 16:05

What would you think of this wedding timeline, if you were a guest..:

2.30pm Wedding ceremony

3pm (ish) Photos, milling about out and inside hotel, canapés, drinks, chatting

5pm Dinner, speeches, trala.

7/8ishpm...finish?

This is a location about an hour from the city where most guests will be travelling from. Some will be further (sorry) but driveable.
To make matters delightfully complicated, my family won't be coming to our wedding, for sad, hard to explain reasons relating to their religious beliefs. Obviously I'm feeling rubbish about this because I love them very much, and I just don't really want to drag the day out for hours. I'm obviously excited/delighted to be getting married, and want everyone to have a good time, so I was just hoping that people wouldn't see this layout as a bit of a letdown or boring. My anxiety about this wedding is a real pain, so I thought a MN AIBU thread was the way to go 😜 Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Report
PurpleDaisies · 12/02/2017 16:06

No that sounds lovely. What's a "trala"?

Report
RuggerHug · 12/02/2017 16:08

I'd be bloody thrilled tbh. If anyone wants dancing/whatever after they can go off and do that themselves. We're also doing 'now you're fed, you don't have to go home but you can't stay here' for our wedding though. Smile I wouldn't worry about it.

Report
DrSeuss · 12/02/2017 16:08

Sounds lovely.
However, it's YOUR wedding! Do what YOU want!

Report
DrivingMeBonkers · 12/02/2017 16:09

Sounds perfect and civilised! Everyone has a nice day and an early finish before the disco and 'dad-dancing' starts Grin

Report
SandunesAndRainclouds · 12/02/2017 16:09

It sounds fine to me, although would there be the option if you're having the loveliest time and you're not ready for the day to be over?

Report
Littleballerina · 12/02/2017 16:10

Sounds perfect. I think you need to make sure guests are aware though so that they are not expecting a big after party.

Report
BriefParanoidNameChange · 12/02/2017 16:10

Haha sorry, 'trala' was just my odd way of trying to say 'and so on'

OP posts:
Report
Foldedtshirt · 12/02/2017 16:11

Very civilised- posh even!
Have a lovely day Flowers

Report
Juveniledelinquent · 12/02/2017 16:13

It sounds bloody perfect to me. Enjoy yourself, it's your day Flowers

Report
Ginmakesitallok · 12/02/2017 16:13

You need to let your guests know in advance. We're going to a wedding next week - if it finishes at 8 I'll be Hmm and Angry

Report
isittheholidaysyet · 12/02/2017 16:13

It's your wedding. Do what you want. Sounds fine to me.

I think an evening do is for when you want to invite far more people than you can afford to seat. If you don't have that problem then no worries.

Report
PurpleDaisies · 12/02/2017 16:13

Haha sorry, 'trala' was just my odd way of trying to say 'and so on'

I've never heard that before. Grin

Honestly, it sounds like a lovely day.

Report
BriefParanoidNameChange · 12/02/2017 16:14

We'd plan to stay at the hotel after (in the complimentary bridal suite, shudder) so one thing I'm not sure of is how to end things without awkwardness. Not like we can just speed off on honeymoon somewhere and leave people to it.

OP posts:
Report
Flyingprettycretonnecurtains · 12/02/2017 16:15

I didn't have an evening do. I think they can be a pain. That timetable looks good. Sorry about your family's attitude. There's nowt so inhumane as some religious folk.

Report
Waterfeature · 12/02/2017 16:16

Our day was very similar.

It was lovely.

I understood "trala" as well. Grin

What are the religious issues? Might the family change their minds?

Report
Sunnymeg · 12/02/2017 16:17

We did something similar, as DH is not a dancer and didn't want to do the first dance, disco party thing. After the formal end of the reception we just mingled with guests, which was really nice as I spoke to far more people than I would have done if we had had dancing. We did have some light classical music play in the background and I'd recommend doing something similar as it adds to the ambiance.

Report
isseywithcats · 12/02/2017 16:17

my sister in law and her hubby had one of these types of weddings, got married at 3pm, photos outside location for an hour, went to a local restaurant where we all had a sit down meal and a few people (family) back to their house for post wedding drinks and chat it was lovely not too long and still very much celebrating thier special day , we got to spend breakfast with them too as brides son had booked them into holiday inn for the night and we were staying there too as they live essex and we live yorkshire go for it , its your wedding day

Report
BriefParanoidNameChange · 12/02/2017 16:18

"if it finishes at 8 I'll be Hmm and Angry"

Is that particularly if you'd travelled a distance, or just generally?

OP posts:
Report
Leeds2 · 12/02/2017 16:18

I think it is absolutely fine, and wouldn't bother mean the slightest. In fact, I would much prefer a wedding that avoided any kind disco.

But, as others have said, do make sure your guests are aware as otherwise they will probably be expecting some kind of evening event. You could perhaps leave the venue, with your husband, so that it is obvious to all when it has finished. I Imagine a lot of your guests may stay drinking the venue bar if that is an option.

Report
PavlovianLunge · 12/02/2017 16:19

Your day, your choice, but definitely a good idea to let guests know the likely finish time.

I hear what you say about not wanting a full evening reception, but rather than just have dinner and end, could you face adding an hour or so afterwards for drinks, milling, chatting and drifting off?

Report
Soozikinzi · 12/02/2017 16:19

I have been married 35 years in April and we didn't have an evening do that was perfect accepted then we left for the honeymoon and that was the end of it .Thats where the tying tin cans and painting just married comes from .its a retro wedding! As long as it's clear to everyone that it's the meal speeches chat photos etc and then disperse I think that's fine.Its your wedding !I think people are getting pressured into things that cost a fortune and then don't even want. Whatever you decide hope you have a lovely day that you both enjoy xx

Report
Ginmakesitallok · 12/02/2017 16:21

We're having to fly over the night before, 2 hotel stays, so would be v disappointed in an early night! Have never heard of no evening do - so would need to be warned! But it's your day - do what you want.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Allthebestnamesareused · 12/02/2017 16:23

That's what we did 16 years ago in April. It was both of us 2nd marriage.

In the end we did ask the hotel where we had the wedding to make up a few trays of sandwiches as a number of family members (and us) carried on chatting in the bar. We had put money behind the bar and in the end we actually had a refund as it wasn't all used and the sandwiches were included in that money.

Report
PinkCrystal · 12/02/2017 16:23

Our wedding was very similar. No evening do just a meal and drinks. We only had close family and friends. It was lovely.

Report
BriefParanoidNameChange · 12/02/2017 16:24

I hear what you say about not wanting a full evening reception, but rather than just have dinner and end, could you face adding an hour or so afterwards for drinks, milling, chatting and drifting off?

That's a good idea, and I'd definitely be up for that. I wouldn't want people to feel like they had to leave immediately, and not see us again Grin

I'm dreading the speeches, no father of the bride...and he is lovely, and would give a brilliant speech, and I'll miss him. (The issues are weird and sad and I think partly down to brainwashing. I'm religious too btw!)

OP posts:
Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.