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(16 Posts)
Whatcouldpossiblygowrong Sun 12-Feb-17 02:27:56

I've been given an opportunity to travel for work mostly funded. It's very far away but for a short time.
I appreciate that for some this is a great opportunity and I might seem ungrateful so I don't want that to be the case.
Since having children I'm hyper vigilant about travelling and more anxious than I was before kids as I'm sure others are but a few years ago I developed anxiety about travelling which is sort of off the scale. I've had panic attacks about going to London for example which previously didn't bother me at all.
I managed to go away with the kids last summer but had to cope with panic attacks throughout trains and planes. News coverage of plane incidents and accidents plus rising threat of terrorism has really stuck in my mind and I've basically convinced myself something awful will happen.
my children are my world (of course) and I carry most of the responsibility for them due to complex situation with their Dad which means I do all of the practical stuff and provide the most emotional security.
Family have offered to help practically and reassure me it will be fine but even if it is it worth horrid anxiety the whole time and being away from them? I can't even sleep now and it's ages away-
What if something happens to one of them and I can't get back quickly? It's a good networking event and being there might be more stimulating and exciting than I'm allowing myself to see right now but my instincts are going off like alarm bells to go nowhere near it so it's hard to get excited. If it was just me I probably wouldn't have applied to go but I was under pressure to apply by line managers. Now have 24hrs to either pull out or register and book- fall out if I don't go will be big I'm sure since there was an expectation I went but I need to know I'm making right decision for me - help!

Paninotogo Sun 12-Feb-17 02:38:46

I think your anxiety sounds a little extreme and perhaps you would benefit from some therapy? I get that things change after you have children and things can seem overwhelming and frightening, but if it affecting your everyday life and your job then it is creeping into abnormal territory.

AlmostAJillSandwich Sun 12-Feb-17 02:44:55

Depends where it is you're going. If it's other side of the world i'd be tempted to say no. If it's say, 4 hours tops on a plane, probably go for it. I'm awful travelling to (before my anxiety disorder made me house bound) trains, buses coaches i'd get migraines, flying i was so ill on take off the first time i went on a plane, then i got scared of crashing too.

Whatcouldpossiblygowrong Sun 12-Feb-17 03:00:23

It's an 11 hour flight my kids are 2&5.
I know my anxiety is partly irrational- or the extent of it is- but the thing is I've had to be the one carrying responsibility for so long it terrifies me. So I'm not sure whether to face the fear and go or whether to say- know what? It feels a little too far at this point

flumpybear Sun 12-Feb-17 04:22:09

You sound like me!!!
I'd go, there's likely to be a plane home if you need to return quickly and work should pick up the bill. Also it's very unlikely anything will happen to your children

user1486613612 Sun 12-Feb-17 04:26:13

How long will the trip last? Suppose it's on the west coast in the US, or perhaps in Asia, or something like that - if you're based in Europe that is? If you don't go, it'll probably contribute to having a worse anxiety afterwards.

Primaryteach87 Sun 12-Feb-17 04:33:12

I wouldn't want to be 11 hours away with small children honestly. I enjoy time away but would turn down the opportunity wothoutmuch firther worry or thought. Only you know your own personal boundaries but I don't think it's unreasonable to not want to be 11 hours away from a toddler and just school age children.

daisychain01 Sun 12-Feb-17 04:56:06

my children are my world (of course) and I carry most of the responsibility for them due to complex situation with their Dad which means I do all of the practical stuff and provide the most emotional security

This is your biggest problem, why isn't their father stepping up to his responsibilities. You're doing all the practical and emotional stuff and he's doing, quite frankly, bugger all.

Should he be let off the hook like this? It's surely setting a pattern that needs to be broken while your DC are young. You need a life and instead you Have to shoulder 99% of the burden.

No wonder you're anxious!

BoomBoomsCousin Sun 12-Feb-17 05:28:51

I don't think it's entirely unreasonable to not want to be an 11 hour flight from your young children, especially if their other parent isn't really in the picture, or isn't reliable. Though you should be weighing up the pros and cons of the trip in general, not simply worrying about the tiniest possibility of something awful happening to them while you're abroad and having that dictate your response.

However, what you say about your travel anxiety in general is not reasonable, will not be good for your children and sounds like it must be really distressing for you. You owe it to them and yourself to get it sorted out. If this trip would help you get over it (by facing your fears, as you put it), going on it would be good. If not, do whatever you need to for this trip, but start looking for help with your anxiety so that you can have a better life and give your DC a better life.

Whatcouldpossiblygowrong Sun 12-Feb-17 20:31:57

I've booked.. feel sick and anxious but trying to rationalise it. It's a good opportunity work wise and it's only 4 days. My mum is going to come stay locally to help and (I hope)all will be ok. I'm terrified - but I've got two months to work on that!

BoomBoomsCousin Sun 12-Feb-17 23:14:38

Good luck OP. Everything is going to be fine.

Would it be wise to seek a little help before you go so you don't spend the next 8 weeks working yourself up? Or do you think you'll be able to put it in perspective yourself now you've made the decision?

isupposeitsverynice Sun 12-Feb-17 23:25:27

You will feel great for having done it. I was sent on a work trip for ten days (also about eleven hour flight) when ds was four and I was a single mum - and the country had had a couple of high profile incidents in the year or so beforehand. I was also a nervous flier. I cried most of the way there. The trip was wonderful - glad I did go as I'd not be able to afford to travel there now! And it was over quicker than I thought and I got home safely and felt very proud of myself for doing it all by myself. Go forth and conquer, OP, you've got this

Whatcouldpossiblygowrong Mon 13-Feb-17 05:17:29

Oh you guys have made me feel so much better- thank you for your sweet messages. Think I will try to get some support before I go I want to try and keep the anxiety in check as much as possible. If anyone's tried anything that works I'd love to hear about it

UnbornMortificado Mon 13-Feb-17 05:21:07

Whatcould if the traveling is bothering you that much your GP might prescribe something short term for the actual travel.

I get the anxiety, mines (mostly) under control now but my sister travels to London regularly and it does worry me. I wouldn't let her take my DD.

I'm pleased you've conquered it and your going.

Surreyblah Mon 13-Feb-17 05:26:34

If you are not already getting help for your anxiety, please do so.

I have anxiety, including about travel/leaving DC, and it's something that untreated can get worse and worse.

outputgap Mon 13-Feb-17 09:12:55

CBT! Could work brilliantly for you seeing as you are already able to try to face your fears like this. There are some crap CBT practitioners out there, so if you could get a NHS psychologist, I would recommend that route.

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