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AIBU?

AIBU to want to tell them their child smells?

186 replies

morebubblyplease · 11/02/2017 23:19

DS (8) loves to play with a little 10-year old boy in our street. He comes to our house almost every afternoon and they play football in the street or x-box in the living room. He is sweet, polite and happy and we're very happy to have his company. Problem is that his clothes are often stained and dirty, and more often than not, he smells. My boys don't like going to his house because they say it's messy and smelly and his clothes seem to live on the floor - so I suspect not a lot of washing of clothes happens, which would explain the pong... The smell lingers after he's gone, it's in the car long after we've got back from the park and it makes me wish he'd stop coming round. But that would upset DS and be unfair on the boy as it's not his fault. So what can we do? Sending an anonymous note to his parents seems sly, but neither of us has the guts to tell them... Any suggestions?

OP posts:

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Crumbs1 · 11/02/2017 23:23

Leave well alone, give smelliest for birthday and open windows after he leaves. Poor child not his fault.

SignOnTheWindow · 11/02/2017 23:24

Poor kid .

Do you know the parent(s) at all? It might be that there are issues like illness/MH issues in the family.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 11/02/2017 23:25

That's a sign of neglect, smelling so bad it lingers. Call social services. Poor boy.

foxyloxy78 · 11/02/2017 23:26

Yeah I would not say anything tbh. Sensitive subject and he's so young. You don't really know what's going on at home.

LovingLola · 11/02/2017 23:26

Giving a 10 year old child 'smellies' for a birthday gift is downright mean.
How well do you know his parents? Presumably if he is in your house every day you know them and what they are like?

morebubblyplease · 11/02/2017 23:28

It's definitely not his fault and it kind of breaks my heart. We don't know the parents well but we do know they both work in low paid jobs and I don't think life is easy for them. Dad has said as much to my DP when they've chatted. Maybe I should just hold my breath...

OP posts:

RacoonBandit · 11/02/2017 23:28

Your op reads like you are superior. Sorry

Leave him alone.

justlikekatycarr · 11/02/2017 23:28

I think you can tactfully approach it - 'hey, DS friend, I'm popping a wash through, I'll pop your top in as it looks like you've got some chocolate on it, here, wear this in the meantime!'

But it's a temporary measure.

Poor lad.

38cody · 11/02/2017 23:31

Hmm tricky one - we had a child in my school with mother with MH problems. His. Pat was beyond filthy. TA 'accidently' spilt paint on it and we put it in the wash - butbitcwasceasiercas he was only five. Do you know which school he is at? You ought to inform school - they may well speak to his caregivers.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 11/02/2017 23:31

"Your op reads like you are superior. Sorry

Leave him alone"

What?! Raccoon, what are you on? The OP is concerned for the welfare of this little boy!

bluebell34567 · 11/02/2017 23:32

in not a questioning way can you ask him or his parents how often he showers, changes clothes, etc. like for example you talking to your son about taking shower, etc. maybe this may ring them some alarm bells.

morebubblyplease · 11/02/2017 23:33

We worried about neglect, but he seems well looked after in other ways, e.g. parents care where he is. Apparently when dad is not at work he just sits in front of the telly, surrounded by the mess. I'm just so sad for him and wish he didn't smell. Smellies wouldn't help, btw, as it's not b.o. it's dirty clothes.

OP posts:

CurlyhairedAssassin · 11/02/2017 23:34

OP, not providing basics like clean clothes and a reasonably clean and tidy environment IS neglect.

UnbornMortificado · 11/02/2017 23:35

I don't know why MH always gets mentioned on threads like this.

Poor MH is not a get out of jail free card for neglecting children. Some people are just shit parents.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 11/02/2017 23:35

It doesn't have to be deliberate for it still to be neglect. They might just need a bit of support.

If it was me I would contact the child'a school and report your concerns.

Zippidydoodah · 11/02/2017 23:36

I do not think that the op sounds "superior" in any way. I think she cares about the boy and is worried.

Anyway, I really don't think there's anything that can be said to the boy or his parents. It is neglect 100% but the parents are neglecting themselves and their home, too, by the looks of it. I just don't know what you can do. Contact nspcc for advice?

RacoonBandit · 11/02/2017 23:38

What?! Raccoon, what are you on? The OP is concerned for the welfare of this little boy!

That concerned for his welfare she asks the opinion of strangers......ok then.

I have experienced a child welfare situatiin only once and my first thought was not to post on a forum

OP seems to know alot about his home life....

morebubblyplease · 11/02/2017 23:38

We thought about contacting school, he could well be bullied I imagine.

I worry we're more concerned about upsetting his parents than actually helping him. We don't know the parents that well, rarely see mum, say hello to dad in the street and talk about the weather.

OP posts:

DearMrDilkington · 11/02/2017 23:38

I'm guessing he attends school and isn't home schooled? If so then surely his teachers will be aware of the problem, wouldn't they have said something to his parents?
I don't think telling them will do anything, there's no way a teacher would keep quiet if he smelt that bad.

Poor kid.

Happyelves · 11/02/2017 23:41

I think it's quite worrying and you wouldn't be going too far to call nspcc just for advice. As for boy's school, why are they not doing anything?
I used to like reading laws in the days when they were still easily accessible in the library and the law used to be that schools had a duty of care to clean pupils who came into school dirty (may have been repealed due to lack of facilities)

Sunnydaysrock · 11/02/2017 23:41

I had a friend like this when I was little, I was oblivious at age 6. My mum recently said when this girl came over for sleepovers etc she would make sure we had a bath together and wash her clothes (parents were very heavy smokers and her house was basically a shack, I thought it was fab!). It's a very tricky situation. Ideally I'd like to think I'd say something, but in reality it's hard. Does he go to the same school as your DS? Could you pass on your concerns to a teacher?

user1484578224 · 11/02/2017 23:41

maybe they dont have hot water?

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RacoonBandit · 11/02/2017 23:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

morebubblyplease · 11/02/2017 23:41

Might try nspcc, thank you.

And I know you're all strangers but I have seen better advice and more support on MN than most other places + you don't know where I live so I can respect his confidentiality.

OP posts:

PicardsCombOver · 11/02/2017 23:43

Raccoon the Op is asking parents for advice on a parenting website. .. mostly used by parents/caregivers.
AIBU can be effective for a quick response.

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