Meeting criticism for beginning career with a young child(14 Posts)
Hello fellow mums,
I am at a loss, I need to know if I'm being unreasonable here.
I recently had a beautiful baby girl (almost 11mths), DH and I moved closer to family on her arrival and so far I've been a stay-at-home parent with the exception of a part-time Christmas job for some extra pennies.
DH is mid-application for joining the Police Force and is temping, currently. Now, I have a job lined up (September 2017) as a teacher, through an educational charity and I've been really excited to get started however, recently, many family members, particularly my mum (who I am very close to), have started to come forward and are saying that they don't feel I should go through with it for the sake of my daughter. I'm quite frustrated as I've always wanted to set a good example to my daughter and believe that an essential part of that, for me, is to demonstrate a good work ethic- but are they right? Is this too soon? My mum even went so far as to challenge my commitment to LO, which hurt me very deeply as, of course, I love her more than anything and because, usually, my mum expresses nothing but pride with regards to the way I choose to parent her and with the progress she's made so far.
I don't want to upset the relationship between my mother and myself by emphasising that I need her support with this, as she has been so supportive of everything so far and I don't want to appear ungrateful...
I'm just not sure what to do. I feel really torn and it's playing on my mind. Have any other working mum's been through something similar? Is sticking to my guns going to upset LO's development/relationship with me and/or the relationship with my mum?
Eh Are they living in the 1800s. Women do work. Surely only issues going to be choosing and paying for childcare.
It really isn't too soon. Please don't let your family make you feel bad about going back to work. If you want to go and have sorted out childcare, then you do it and sod the lot of them.
It's nobody's business except for you and your dh.
People will have different opinions on what was best for them in their time, and in their circumstances. That has got nothing to do with your choice.
If it helps you, I went back after the standard (as it was then) 3 month maternity leave with each of mine and they have grown up into fine, hard working, loving, confident and mature young adults.
My mum expressed similar opinions when I had DD1. It's the only time I've ever had an argument with her. I went back to work when DD was 8 months old and would never have considered doing anything different
There's no doubt that it's hard going back to or starting work after having been a SAHM or Dad but in my humble opinion it can. E the making of you! It sounds like the best thing for your family/the way you want to raise your family. You sound excited to be embarking on this new career and I presume your DH supports your decision? That's all that matters - if it feels right for you, then do it. You cannot take your mum's word on everything as gospel forever, especially when it comes to you and your daughter.
Why is it too soon? Anyway so long as you have everything sorted re finances and childcare it really is none of their business. I have two DDs and went back to work after 12 months each time. It's not easy but it's something I'm doing for ME and feels right.
My entire family were against my going back to work when my DD and DS were 7 and 5.5 months respectively.
Years on, they deny it and say they were all in favour as I've got such nice, polite, lovely kids (thanks nursery staff! ).
Just do what's right for you and fuck the naysayers.
I recently met a woman who has moved across the world for an incredible opportunity for a year, leaving her 5 year old with her grandparents.
I will be honest and say that personally I struggle with that decision, given that it was a career opportunity not a matter of survival.
However, it has absolutely nothing to do with me. And the child will be dearly loved and cared for.
This, however, is not a dilemma, it's just life! I have friends who have done parenting in every way and combination you can imagine, and I can't see anything but great kids growing up loved and provided for.
I'm sorry you feel that way' is all you need to say, then change the subject. It's a free country, they can speak but you aren't forced to listen or to act on their fears.
There more to parenting than the preschool years. I needed the routine of work outside the home to 'ground' me. I'm a much nicer mum when I'm not stressed about money.
Also, what the alternative?
Is your dh neglecting her by going back to work?
The police / teaching mix is a hard one, as you cant choose your days off, so need a back up plan for poorly kids. I know at least one teacher who just pulls a sickie as a childcare solution, but it isn't ideal! Is your mum objecting to being the childcare solution? Or just letting off steam in the wrong direction?
She will be twice as old as many babies when their parents return to work. It will be fine, may even be good for her.
Ignore them and do what you want
As a mother you can't win
If you're a sahm someone will have a problem with that you'd always be getting asked what you do all day don't you miss adult conversation etc etc
Well, how on earth are you meant to pay your bills if you don't work? We don't live in the 1950's anymore. Go and have fun at your new job, plus your dh police application can fail at any stage so it wouldn't be unwise for you to take the job.
Bet they're not telling your dh the same things.
Your child will be 18mo. Walking and starting to talk. No way is she too young for childcare.
My ds was only 6mo when I went back and it wasn't ideal but was necessary to secure future flexible working.
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