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To leave DH putting DD to bed?

(38 Posts)
PlumFairy2014 Sat 11-Feb-17 19:08:12

DD is 28 months old. She is wonderful for DH when I'm not around, but if I'm in the house she clings to me.
So bedtime comes and DH is putting her to bed. For the first 3 minutes every time she screams for me, then she calms and occasionally shouts again, but generally goes to sleep fairly quickly with him.
My sister thought this was savage and I was being a monster when I could 'Do it yourself'.
I feel bad when she shouts, but surely we can't just let her dictate what we do?
Just to add I cook dinner or similar in this time, not like I was just lazing about. My sister has really made me question myself!

Nomoreworkathome Sat 11-Feb-17 19:09:31

Nod.... smile.... repeat. YANBU.

Msqueen33 Sat 11-Feb-17 19:10:20

Your sister needs to shut up. Why should you be the one always on call for bedtime. My dd is six and at the moment always wants me but I do make her dad do it sometimes.

GlamourBear Sat 11-Feb-17 19:11:02

YANBU! smile

hearyoume Sat 11-Feb-17 19:13:29

Your sister is an idiot, sorry. You and your DH should be interchangeable by this point. It is not your job to oversee everything. Your DD needs to learn that daddy can do things just as well as (but maybe differently from) mummy.

DearMrDilkington Sat 11-Feb-17 19:14:34

She thought it was savage?! What a strange woman.

Carry on as you are, ignore your sister.

wineandtoastfortea Sat 11-Feb-17 19:14:58

So what if you were lazing around while he did it? As long as you both pull your weight it's more than right for both parents to cover bedtimes from an early age.

Dragongirl10 Sat 11-Feb-17 19:19:47

YANBU.....that behavior from your DD needs to stop, the screaming l mean, and the best way is for you to leave it to your DH to do her bedtime frequently, she is old enough to behave nicely for either of you....your sister is wrong to criticise, and very wrong to call you a monster.

Please don't lose confidence

AliceInHinterland Sat 11-Feb-17 19:21:23

Has she got children?

Bluebellevergreen Sat 11-Feb-17 19:26:01

Your sister is a 🤡

Crunchymum Sat 11-Feb-17 19:27:31

28 months hmm

AuditAngel Sat 11-Feb-17 19:59:41

I assume your sister does not have children??

PlumFairy2014 Sat 11-Feb-17 19:59:43

Thanks Mumsnetters.
I know 28 months isn't young. My sister is very gentle in her parenting approach and made me question myself.
It used to be an absolute nightmare and it is getting much better.
I have had friends calling me crazy that we don't just leave her to it. I guess we shall find our own balance confused

PlumFairy2014 Sat 11-Feb-17 20:01:07

My sister has 2 children and another on the way. Apparently DBIL didn't do bedtime till they were over 3, when she stopped breastfeeding.
Before anyone says it, I am not a troll and my sister is a wonderful person, just maybe a lot more tolerant than me on the mothering front!

CurlsandCurves Sat 11-Feb-17 20:11:11


It will make things so much easier if either one of you can put Dd to bed. So restrictive if it's all on you every night. Keep persevering, it'll be worth it.

museumum Sat 11-Feb-17 20:13:23

We do strict turns for bedtime otherwise ds would ask for me every night and then if only I could do it I'd stress if I was away one evening.
This has been the case since I went back to work despite the fact I bf.
Neither dh nor I wanted a life where he couldn't do his own son's bedtime.

AliceInHinterland Sat 11-Feb-17 20:21:51

Oh so she does have kids - and only get way of raising them is correct.
It's one thing to say 'if it bothers you then you could do bedtime until she's a bit older, if DH doesn't mind' but to suggest you should do it is a very extreme position.

PlumFairy2014 Sat 11-Feb-17 20:37:42

The stupid thing is I briefly worked nights and DD was fine with DH. It is only if I'm here, so really I know she is ok. PFB a little bit too...

early30smum Sat 11-Feb-17 20:39:53

YANBU at all and frankly even if you were doing nothing it still doesn't matter- your DD should be able to be put to bed by both parents and actually you'd be causing more problems in the long run always putting her to bed yourself.

haveacupoftea Sat 11-Feb-17 20:42:53

Oh well you're a woman so of course you should do everything yourself. Go to work all day, make the dinner, wash dishes, do homework, bath kids and put them to bed too. Ask her does she want to shove a brush up your ass so you can sweep the floor while you're at it. misses point

Juveniledelinquent Sat 11-Feb-17 20:46:51

I can't see a problem here, apart from your interfering sister.

PlumFairy2014 Sat 11-Feb-17 21:30:07

haveacupoftea you hit the nail on the head I think. As I don't martyr myself I am lazy.
I find it at Mums groups too. The look of sympathy when I say I work. I hope attitudes change before DD has children!

NapQueen Sat 11-Feb-17 21:30:54

Fgs sake op. She's 2. How long do you intend to define her age in months?

PlumFairy2014 Sat 11-Feb-17 21:39:08

NapQueen it was just to give a clear idea of her age. Is it that odd to say it in months?

NapQueen Sat 11-Feb-17 21:39:35

Yep. Passed about 18m

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