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To want DH to take the baby so I can sleep!

(152 Posts)
Babyiwantabump Sat 11-Feb-17 12:20:48

Baby DS is 13 months .

In all that time he has never slept through the night . He wakes hourly .

I am exhausted.

I am back to work soon and so need to get some sleep.

DH has never helped with DS waking in the night and at the moment sleeps in a separate room to us so he is not disturbed .

I am terrified that I am not going to cope when I go back to work .

I have asked OH to take the baby for just one night so I can get a proper nights sleep and he has said NO!

I'm on my last legs .

AIBU?

WildBelle Sat 11-Feb-17 12:23:39

What's his 'reason' for refusing?!

I'd tell him you're off to the shop at about 6pm, then check into a hotel and turn your phone off.

Babyiwantabump Sat 11-Feb-17 12:24:41

His reason is he is at work .

Not every day though! And I am back to work soon and need some sleep.

LillyLollyLandy Sat 11-Feb-17 12:25:38

Give him the baby and go to bed. He's being a twat.

PerryCoxHair Sat 11-Feb-17 12:26:02

Yanbu. Your H is being selfish.

Oysterbabe Sat 11-Feb-17 12:27:36

It's difficult to imagine how someone can justify that level of selfishness to themselves.

Chloe84 Sat 11-Feb-17 12:28:00

Stop asking him.

He should at least have baby during the night on his days off.

Tell him he will have baby half the week when you start work so he better get used to it.

redexpat Sat 11-Feb-17 12:28:27

Well you will be working too soon so he had better get used to taking more responsibility. Second the suggestion of going to a hotel for the night.

Waking hourly? Can you throw money at this problem and get a sleep consultant?

PassTheWineAndFags Sat 11-Feb-17 12:29:00

He is being an A Grade tosser!! I would ask a friend if you can sleep at their house for 1 night and just walk out the door. He will get an insight then.

Babyiwantabump Sat 11-Feb-17 12:29:46

I'm so exausted it actually hurts! My bones ache and I look like death.

Actually dreading going back to a job I love because it's going to make the situation worse .

How do I get OH to take the baby? He is going to have to when I go back (going on nights) but I need to get some sleep in before that or I might actually keel over on my first shift!

AristotlesTrousers Sat 11-Feb-17 12:29:59

What?! YANBU!

What is your DH like in other ways? That just isn't acceptable at all.

NapQueen Sat 11-Feb-17 12:30:04

How has he never even done one night! He has two nights where he is off the next day. Why he hasn't been doing at least one of those a week is beyond me.

Is ds breastfed?

DoItTooJulia Sat 11-Feb-17 12:30:27

Easy-tell him you're leaving and he can have EOW. You'll get plenty of sleep then.

Tosser.

NapQueen Sat 11-Feb-17 12:30:32

OP who will be having ds during the day when you are between nights?

NapQueen Sat 11-Feb-17 12:31:35

I honestly don't know how you've got to 13months in before asking us. You must feel dreadful with this chronic lack of sleep.

Oysterbabe Sat 11-Feb-17 12:32:20

You also need to try and address the reason your baby is waking hourly. Do you have any theories? My DD is the same age and going through some separation anxiety/ teething/ developmental leaps but still does a lot better than hourly. flowers

KatyB70 Sat 11-Feb-17 12:32:22

I'll probably be flamed here but have you done any sleep training on your baby? I was the same with my first-she was waking every 3 hours until 11 months. We did controlled crying and it was sorted on a few days.
Your husband is being horrible though.

Ciderandskatesdontmix Sat 11-Feb-17 12:33:36

Yanbu...unless he has a job where a lack of sleep could be catastrophic ie driving all day or surgeon I'd tell him that he needs to suck it up and split the nights 50/50. If he does have one of those jobs then he needs to do the nights when he's not at work the next day.

Hellmouth Sat 11-Feb-17 12:35:05

I think your H is being a grade A twat, but I think you really do need to address the sleep issue. Hourly waking is ridiculous!

Babyiwantabump Sat 11-Feb-17 12:35:47

Yes DS is breastfed so that's probably why but he doesn't really wake in the night for a feed . It's more checking I'm there , screaming in my face for a bit then going back to sleep.

He's ok in other ways just not very helpful with the kids . Disney dad I suppose . Well I know . He doesn't help with anything else either but that's because I'm on maternity leave .

Yes he's a grade A whatever I know this and I don't really know why I put up with it and just recently have been asking myself this .

Babyiwantabump Sat 11-Feb-17 12:36:05

How do I find a sleep consultant?

Disappointednomore Sat 11-Feb-17 12:38:54

My ex was like this. I remember the need for sleep being like a massive hunger I was so tired. He won't change once you're back at work I shouldn't think. I nearly went out of my mind thinking up strategies to get him to do his share. Anyway eventually he walked out and now I do everything but at least I don't have the great heaving resentment. LTB.

Babyiwantabump Sat 11-Feb-17 12:39:46

@napqueen he will go to nursery one day and then I will have to stay up till OH gets home after the second night shift . Because we have no one else to have them and it's when OH is at work .

My DD 12 will be there though .

It's not ideal and I have asked everyone that I know to help - all have said no ( including PIL)

My elderly grandparents want to but I can't put it on them as they are in their 80s and couldn't handle a toddler and baby! (Well 2 toddlers!)

Babyiwantabump Sat 11-Feb-17 12:40:44

dissapointed I genuinely cannot in this moment in time think of any reason why I am still with him .

HPandBaconSandwiches Sat 11-Feb-17 12:43:32

I think you know your DH is a complete arse. Who could watch the person they love on their knees with exhaustion and not only fail to offer help, but actually point blank refuse when asked? No decent human being.

I'm sorry, but if you think he's going to magically pull his weight when you go back to work you're deluded. I'm so sorry.

Millpond are supposed to be very good if you want a sleep consultant. You can buy phone consults. Or find a night nanny locally if funds allow.

Good luck OP. Sleep deprivation is utter torture.

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