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AIBU to think that after a play date you text/message the host to say 'thank you for having us'?

(52 Posts)
Caramelbutthorn Fri 10-Feb-17 20:58:52

Just that really!

The other afternoon I got a text from a mum at 1.20 to say her son was 'desperate' to see my child and were we busy. I suggested she came at 2 and she said she'd be there at 2.15pm. There was no mention of me providing tea, I thought as it was early that tea would not be needed. She arrived at 3.15 with no apology for being so late. After a little while she started dropping hints about tea and him being hungry so I put some pizza express pizzas in the oven with some dough balls, they then ate their way through two packs of strawberries. They finally left at 5.30ish.

I heard nothing from her all that night so the following morning sent her a text to say 'thank you for coming over, it was lovely to see you'. I've still heard nothing from her. AIBU to expect some kind of acknowledgment of the play date? Or even a thank you. Even a quick 'thanks it was nice' would be appreciated. Maybe I'm expecting too much?

fiorentina Fri 10-Feb-17 21:04:47

I always do, but plenty of people don't.

Coconut0il Fri 10-Feb-17 21:05:28

I wouldn't necessarily text but I'd say thank you at the time. This Mum sounds a bit hopeless all round. Being an hour late after practically inviting yourself round doesn't sound great. You did a nice thing but I wouldn't have them round again.

KatieScarlett Fri 10-Feb-17 21:05:55

No, I thanked them at the time and made sure the DC did too.

NeverTwerkNaked Fri 10-Feb-17 21:06:33

Well did they say thank you and th

NeverTwerkNaked Fri 10-Feb-17 21:07:07 they left?

I tend to send a text as well but do think a thank you on leaving is totally fine.

ScoobyDoosTinklyLaugh Fri 10-Feb-17 21:07:47

I wouldn't linger around waiting for tea, but I probably wouldn't text afterwards. But, don't really have play dates here, we just normally nip to each overs houses for a brew and a change of scenery then do one after an hour or so.

I'd say thanks for tea but wouldn't text a thanks afterwards.

NeverTwerkNaked Fri 10-Feb-17 21:07:58

The whole afternoon unfolding the way it did would leave me annoyed though!

RumAppleGinger Fri 10-Feb-17 21:08:15

I wouldn't text to say thank you, I would say thank you as we were leaving however I also wouldnt turn up am hour late expect you to feed my child so I understand why you're pissed off.

greenmidgetgems Fri 10-Feb-17 21:08:25

Did she say thank you at the time? I always say thank you for coming / thanks for having us and it's been lovely at the end of a play date. I don't text and say it again later.

I've noticed it with birthday parties too, we do all the "thank yous" at end of party - thanks for having us, thanks fur party bag. Just says thanks for coming, thanks for presents. Then next day you get another text saying thanks for coming and you reply thanks for having us.

Why is one thank you not enough?

Chasingsquirrels Fri 10-Feb-17 21:09:02

I'd say thank you at the time, but wouldn't follow that up by text.
I would however reply to your text.
And be the one inviting you next time.

greenmidgetgems Fri 10-Feb-17 21:10:16

Awful typos there! That should say thanks for party bag and host says thanks for coming

ImperialBlether Fri 10-Feb-17 21:11:13

She seems a really cheeky cow!

MsJamieFraser Fri 10-Feb-17 21:12:43

Did they thank you while at the property?

arethereanyleftatall Fri 10-Feb-17 21:13:03

I've never sent nor received a play date text, and I've had and been to hundreds over the years. I would say thank you at the door though, and would have apologised for being late.

Pacha11 Fri 10-Feb-17 21:14:26

Did she say thank you before she left? I think you are making a big deal out of all of it. So what if you fed her kid? This is your child's friend you are talking about. Ease up, be more generous. They will do the same for your kid next time. Not sure really what your problem is, but you are just too uptight about the whole situation. Friendship is a two way street - give a little, take a little. And a quick thanks is enough. I don't even pay attention if anyone says thanks. I do, this is enough for me. If the kids had a great time, what more do you need? Your child had company, you can't put a price on this. In my opinion, obvously.

Chloe84 Fri 10-Feb-17 21:15:59

-invited herself and dc around
-was 1 hour late
-hinted for food
-no thank you text
-ignored your thank you text

= people who wouldn't darken my door again unless they rolled out the red carpet for me in return first

Trifleorbust Fri 10-Feb-17 21:19:11

they then ate their way through two packs of strawberries

Did they then turn into big, beautiful butterflies? grin

NannyR Fri 10-Feb-17 21:20:34

For a 'normal', prearranged play date I wouldn't, would just say thank you as we left (and got the child to say thanks too), but inviting yourself over like that, turning up late and hinting that you want tea is pretty cheeky in my opinion!

Kookypants Fri 10-Feb-17 21:21:04

I'd have have said something about the hours lateness, never mind thanking them. I used to be a bit of a wuss but by three I'd be texting with hope nothings wrong, as we have to go out in twenty mins, let's postpone eh. Bloody cheek of the woman but I really hate lateness.

user1472334322 Fri 10-Feb-17 21:25:24

I do sometimes send a thank you text even though dc and I have said thanks when leaving. It really depends whose house we've been to. If it's someone I don't know that well or we've not been there many times or for first time, I do tend to send a text when we get home. I also text if I've something else to tell the mum, eg if my dc had said something about the play date on the way in they'd enjoyed it etc. I wouldn't expect it though. I'd only expect a thank you when leaving. I don't think yabu in this situation though as she basically invited herself and dc round and made you get them dinner too! Cheeky! I'd expect more, a text would be good and also a return invite!

littleducks Fri 10-Feb-17 21:26:35

I'm amazed out of the whole experience that is what you pick up on as being rude tbh.

Are they good friends?

PeppaIsMyHero Fri 10-Feb-17 21:29:46

I would always text to say thanks...


Do you think the mum might be struggling a bit? To be 'desperate' for a play date, then be late, then expect food with you, then just go sounds very odd and I wonder whether she is okay.

AppleAndBlackberry Fri 10-Feb-17 21:36:27

I wouldn't usually text, I'd say thank you at the time, but I wouldn't have invited myself around, arrived an hour late or dropped hints about you feeding my child!

EssentialHummus Fri 10-Feb-17 21:45:22

Rude all round. Chalk it up to experience and don't invite them round again.

<now craving dough balls>

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