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To be feeling quite hurt about this?

(27 Posts)
Anot Fri 10-Feb-17 20:45:54

Bought my sister theatre tickets for her joint Christmas and birthday present and gave her them on Christmas day. The show is next weekend. Sister has just text asking if we can possibly rearrange our theatre show as she has received an invitation today inviting her to her very good friend's 'hen party lunch' next weekend which clashes with our theatre show.

I phoned my sister and explained that the tickets could not be exchanged and were non refundable. She seems to think that this is okay. I'm not 'losing out' as she's not expecting me to buy her anything else to replace the tickets. So i've not exactly lost any further money. If anything, i''ve saved on lunch and train fare, according to her.

Basically, this friend's proper hen party is next month. But this lunch has been suggested by relatives who won't be going to the proper hen party as a bit of a spur of the moment thing and she wants all her bridesmaids there (including my sister).

To be honest, i didn't really want to go to the theatre show anyway. It's not a show i'd enjoy and i wasn't particularly looking forward to spending hours alone with my sister as conversation quickly becomes stale and forced between us. However, i had hoped to try and get a bit closer with my siblings this year (there are a fair few of us, none of us are particularly close in relationship even though we all live very nearby one another) and considered this afternoon out with my sister as a big step towards a better relationship. However, now i just feel hurt that she'd rearrange so nonchalantly.

I've looked in to selling the tickets on gumtree etc but the theatre says they will only allow the tickets to be collected without the payment card being shown at the box office if i provide a letter with all my details saying that i give permission for (whoever buy them) to collect instead of me. Not comfortable at all about this and would rather they just went unused. No one i know personally would want to go with me as it's a rather niche/contemporary show with my sister being the only person i know who would like such a thing.

Why am i feeling weepy over this? I didn't really want to go. I don't need to buy her an alternative present. I'm saving on lunch and transportation costs. So why do I feel so hurt?

Trifleorbust Fri 10-Feb-17 20:48:26

Because it is both rude and ungrateful.

3luckystars Fri 10-Feb-17 20:48:46

Can you go and bring someone else? There must be someone you can drag along!

AnchorDownDeepBreath Fri 10-Feb-17 20:49:25

I think it's normal to feel hurt. Your sister has made it quite clear that she'd rather be elsewhere and that's always going to hurt.

That said, I'd definitely try and mentally reframe this. Theatre was ambitious if conversation between you is stilted and uncomfortable, and I suppose it makes sense that she'd rather be at the lunch if that's something she'd genuinely enjoy. It's just painful and anyone decent would stick with the first thing they agreed to do.

Maybe give yourself an hour to feel sad, and then try and move past it? I am sorry.

RandomMess Fri 10-Feb-17 20:49:39

You went to a lot of effort to think of something and arrange it and she's just binned the event AND all the thought you put in, the effort you made and were prepared to make.

It's bloody awful behaviour on her behalf...

Lovemusic33 Fri 10-Feb-17 20:51:02

I would feel annoyed/upset too. Is there anyone else you can take? Don't buy her an alternative present, you bought her a great gift and she's being selfish choosing to go to a friends hen party/dinner. Next year buy her a goat.

SerialCerealKiller Fri 10-Feb-17 20:51:10

I'd be hurt too. It's very rude of her.

AlcoholicsUnanimous Fri 10-Feb-17 20:53:11

YANBU, you're feeling weepy because you feel rejected, I imagine. It's really awful when someone cancels because something 'better' has come up, what a crappy thing for her to do. I hope that you find someone else to go with you, niche can sometimes be amusing at least. Please don't let this put you off trying to get closer to your other siblings, it sounds like you really want that.

tiredofhavingtothinkofnewnames Fri 10-Feb-17 20:54:07

Bought my sister theatre tickets for her joint Christmas and birthday present

Am I misreading this? Sounds like you bought 2 tickets and gave her 1?

TBH giving someone a gift that they have to do with you isn't really a gift. to do it as it was 'becomes stale and forced between us' probably isn't a good idea.

Why didn't you just give her 2 tickets so that she could take a friend. This seems like more of a gift for you that for her as you saw it as a way to repair the relationship.

I can see why you are upset as it is relatively last minute but it probably want a good idea and she would have cancelled for some other reason

Cant you go with a friend? If it is sold out you may be able to return and get a partial refund (less 10% for resale costs at my local theatre)

Anot Fri 10-Feb-17 20:54:08

Thanks for making me feel like i'm not upset over nothing. Honestly, she was being so calm and laidback about it on the phone i was starting to feel like i was the one in the wrong.

Definitely no one else i know who would be interested in giving up their Sunday to come along with me. And to be honest, one of the good things about this is the extra money i'll save and means i can cancel my begrudging babysitter now. I think in future ill just stick a voucher in a card. This was me trying to think of something meaningful as she never wants or needs anything.

Anot Fri 10-Feb-17 20:59:01

Didn't think of it like that tired. Fair point.

The tickets are to be collected at the box office, so i just popped in the printed synopsis of the show from the website in a Christmas card and gave her that for Christmas with the show details and seats we're booked for. And said it was something we could do together. Didn't actually give her the choice of taking someone other than me.

The reason i did this is because it's to do with something she's always been interested in but has moaned frequently over the years that none of her friends/partner share the same interest. So i just assumed that if i gave her the 'tickets' with no mention of us going together, no one would have went with her without being dragged. And that she'd assume it meant i didn't want to go with her. Probably wrong of me to do this, in hindsight.

tiredofhavingtothinkofnewnames Fri 10-Feb-17 20:59:50

Call the theatre. If it is sold out then if they can resell you will get some money back usually.

DementedUnicorn Fri 10-Feb-17 21:00:57

I wasn't particularly looking forward to spending hours alone with my sister as conversation quickly becomes stale and forced between us.

Maybe she thought the same

AlmostAJillSandwich Fri 10-Feb-17 21:02:36

Because it was an incredibly thoughtful gift you were so looking forward to her loving and now shes not going.

My EX wanted to see Muse back in 2010, i got him the tickets for his christmas present 2009 because he specifically asked me to have those for his present (bit pricey tbh, more than i'd have chosen to spend but wanted him to be happy) half hour after i bought the tickets (quite bad seats) they added a second date. He guilt tripped me into buying good seats for the second date then i had to wait a year to get them all in hand a week before he show to try to sell the bad seats for the other date. (he so helpfully offered to have both sets and go twice if i didn't manage to sell them!) Thankfully sold for an ok price so didn't lose out more than about £20. He went along to the show (with his mum, his friend refused to go as his fiancee wanted to go too, which EX knew but deliberately excluded her asking for 2 tickets not 3) only to end up feeling ill during the warm up acts and throwing up everywhere on the way to the loos in front of security, who confiscated his ticket and promptly threw him out thinking he was drunk. He had to phone his mum, who had half his stuff, and she had to leave too. They tried to explain what happened to the outdoors security and on site event manager type person but were told nothing they could do he couldn't go back in.
I was absolutely LIVID, he badgered me to get him these expensive tickets (im disabled, cannot work so was on low level incapacity benefit and paying most in rent to my parents, he was able bodied but refused to work and wouldn't give a penny of his JSA - which he was always complaining about getting suspended because he wouldn't look for work - to his parents despite them being in debt, so he had way more disposable income than i did) then he demanded BETTER tickets once i'd bought them, then wanted both sets, then got kicked out and didn't see a single song by the band he went to see. First thing he said was "It's ok, you don't HAVE to buy me anything else to make up for the fact it was my christmas present and i didnt get to see them"

It makes you feel shit, completely unappreciated, and that your feelings aren't important. You have every right to be upset, angry, and used by your sister.

pinkblink Fri 10-Feb-17 21:06:29

Look at selling them then take the train down, collect them, hand them over then go and spend the money on yourself

3luckystars Fri 10-Feb-17 21:14:46

Good idea

arethereanyleftatall Fri 10-Feb-17 21:18:54

Yanbu, totally understandable to be hurt, that was unkind and thoughtless of your sister.

MipMipMip Fri 10-Feb-17 21:21:31

Another one here saying contact the theatre - they may resell them for you if it's a full house.

notangelinajolie Fri 10-Feb-17 21:24:34

So why do I feel so hurt?

Because she chose her friend over you. I'd be hurt too. Save your money, learn from it and buy her a crap present next birthday.

Sugarpiehoneyeye Fri 10-Feb-17 21:27:07

Never mind Anot, it was a lovely thought, on your part.
I think she's being incredibly selfish and you have every right to be upset, and cross, if you feel that way.
However, it is what it is, she's made her choice, so time to move on.
Any chance one of your other siblings would go along ?

Twatternatter Fri 10-Feb-17 21:28:20

You poor thing! I wish you were my sister! You sound thoughtful. flowers

cheminotte Fri 10-Feb-17 21:30:33

Totally reasonable to feel hurt. You chose something special for her and its been rejected. flowers

LaContessaDiPlump Fri 10-Feb-17 21:32:09

You sound lovely and she sounds uncaring. flowers

Btw is she your half-sister? I'm remembering a post from long ago where the op was sad that she wasn't closer to her sisters.....

SwearyGodmother Fri 10-Feb-17 21:33:27

I'd feel hurt too in your situation but it does clearly tell you not to bother in the future. The only one who wants to improve the relationship is you, so stop trying because all it will do in the future is cause you pain and cost you money.

What's the show? Maybe someone on here will want the tickets and save you some drama?

PeppaIsMyHero Fri 10-Feb-17 21:34:58

If someone bought me theatre tickets for a specific date without me saying it was something I really wanted, and it then clashed with a good friend's hen do I'd certainly see if it could be re-arranged. I don't think she is out of line for asking.

And you say that conversation between you is difficult? It doesn't sound like a fun-filled evening for either of you.

It was a lovely thought, but if you want to re-build your relationship maybe start with an easy coffee somewhere one afternoon, and also consider whether SHE also wants to rebuild it.

Lovely thought though.

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