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AIBU?

to feel pressured?

31 replies

DorothyL · 09/02/2017 22:03

Dd's clarinet teacher approached us saying a friend of hers knew somebody with a clarinet to sell, would we be interested.

We agreed to go and try it which we did, but were not convinced about buying it. 10 days later the clarinet teacher phoned asking us to make a decision. So I contacted the seller to say we felt such a purchase needed careful consideration and that we were planning to try other clarinets first before deciding, when he had time.

He didn't reply, instead the clarinet teacher emailed me today to say she had bought the clarinet herself because the seller needed a quick sale! Adding that her financial situation didn't allow her to keep it for long, plus some advice which other make to try at the shop and not to use ebay.

Aibu to feel a bit miffed? The seller obviously really needed the cash, but I feel like an urgency has been forced upon us that I really didn't want or need! We did want to buy a clarinet eventually, but there was no rush. Plus I feel uneasy about a private sale as it won't include any service or comeback if something goes wrong.

Just not sure what to reply to the clarinet teacher!

OP posts:

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DorothyL · 09/02/2017 22:08

Should read when we had time!

OP posts:

RacoonBandit · 09/02/2017 22:13

Some people cant hang around for the buyer to decide days on end. Ten days is a bit long to make them wait if they needed the money. Thete was no rush for you but there was for the seller.

YABU

DorothyL · 09/02/2017 22:18

But he was free to find another buyer, not sure why it's all on me... When I didn't get in touch why not just find some other buyer?

OP posts:

Magzmarsh · 09/02/2017 22:18

I don't understand why the teacher bought it? What does that have to do with you? Is she expecting you to buy it from her , if not I've no idea what you're miffed about.

DorothyL · 09/02/2017 22:21

The teacher bought it so the seller would get his money. I'm miffed because I feel it puts pressure on us to buy it of the teacher, esp as she mentions the financial pressure it puts on her.

OP posts:

Magzmarsh · 09/02/2017 22:23

Why would you buy it from her when you wouldn't buy it from him? It doesn't make any sense.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 09/02/2017 22:25

The teacher buying it has nothing to do with you. Just tell them you don;t want it.

Hugepeppapigfan · 09/02/2017 22:25

You don't have to buy it.

DorothyL · 09/02/2017 22:25

Well exactly but that's my point - why did the teacher have to step in and then point out her financial pressures to me?

OP posts:

gamerwidow · 09/02/2017 22:28

I don't think she is necessarily expecting you to buy it from her. I think shes just telling you that if you change your mind and do want to buy it you need to do it quickly because she won't have it for long.

Magzmarsh · 09/02/2017 22:28

The teacher has caused her own financial pressure by buying an item nobody wanted. It's her problem not yours. Ignore her.

GinIsIn · 09/02/2017 22:28

YABU - she's not trying to force you to buy it, just to say if you want it she has it but probably won't keep it long.

FannyFacial · 09/02/2017 22:29

eh? I think the clarinet teachers weird actually the whole things weird. OP Did you ask her for her help?

RacoonBandit · 09/02/2017 22:30

If she was forcing you to buy it why would she recommened which ither makes to try?

DorothyL · 09/02/2017 22:33

Of course she's not forcing me, but I do feel guilt-tripped!

Have emailed her now to say thank you for the email, we will take our time deciding and to feel free to offer it to others.

OP posts:

RacoonBandit · 09/02/2017 22:36

I think you just need to chill OP.

Drawward · 10/02/2017 00:05

If you were not intending to buy it why didnt you just tell the seller "sorry no thanks". By stringing him along you have given the impression to him and the teacher that you were considering buying it still.

misshelena · 10/02/2017 02:28

YABU -- no one is forcing you to buy anything.

You think the teacher letting you know that she has the clarinet is her attempt to "guilt-trip" you into buying it.
While ignoring what is an even more obvious conclusion -- your telling the seller that "we were planning to try other clarinets first before deciding, when he had time." is your attempt to string him along.

DearMrDilkington · 10/02/2017 02:36

This is all very strange.
10 days is too long to leave someone hanging, the teacher brought a clarinet she didn't want(?!) and now it sounds like she's hoping your going to buy it off her..

Just say you've brought a clarinet and hope she doesn't offer you a piano next week.

TENSHI · 10/02/2017 02:36

It sounds as if it really was an excellent make and model which is why the teacher bought it.

She is right to warn about Ebay as many on there are poorly made/don't work and catch out inexperienced purchasers.

Don't feel pressurised op, she probably thought she was helping.

You are better off renting from a reputable musical instrument shop in your position anyway.

Tracey300884 · 10/02/2017 02:36

I'm sorry I disagree with everyone here. The OP was not 'stringing' anyone along. If you don't hear from a buyer then you presume they don't want it.
Sounds like the teacher has bought it with the presumption that you will pay him/her for it OP.
In which case you are NOT being unreasonable!! That is bang out of order.
You don't have to buy anything until you are ready and I would inform the teacher of this!

DorothyL · 10/02/2017 06:12

Again, when I didn't get in touch why not just sell it to somebody else and tell me they couldn't wait for me to make our mind up?

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wettunwindee · 10/02/2017 06:37

I think they were just kindly giving you first refusal and letting you know.

They even gave you advice about which other brands to try.

I think you're reading too much into this OP.

MoreThanUs · 10/02/2017 06:41

You are vastly overthinking this. Just chill out a bit. Buy it, don't buy it, but don't spend the next 3 months trying every clarinet you can lay your hands on - just find a decent one and get on with it.

picklemepopcorn · 10/02/2017 06:45

She's not telling you you have to buy it, she's telling you she's selling it soon. You can buy or not, up to you. You have returned it I assume?

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