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To think you're a parent, grow up

(40 Posts)
deai Thu 09-Feb-17 18:11:40

So dp called me to tell me he was 'soooo angry' with ds because he'd broken his brothers/ DS's uncles phone and now he has to pay to get it fixed.

DS is 3, he did brake it by being naughty (he was hitting R, and R dropped his phone and it smashed the screen) he'd been told to stop hitting so I do understand that it wasn't a complete accident, but ds is 3, he didn't mean to brake the phone, he doesn't understand the concept of money, expensive items etc, because he is 3.
me and dp don't live together, and he hasn't had DS since last week so it's hardly stressful for him. I don't get why he phoned me really.
DP clearly annoyed with me because I told him that i don't think he should be too harsh on DS because he didn't mean to brake it, he should give him a time out or something for the hitting and explain that he made R drop his phone and now its broken etc but that's enough I think.
he also lets him play fight etc with him which i don't, so I don't entirely blame DS for the hitting either, how is he supposed to know when it's a game and when it's not. He never hits me, or anyone when he's around me because i've never played with him that way. but if DP and R let him playfight with them, then that's their own stupid fault.

i do accept that i might be being unreasonable though, I'm not an expert in child development but I don't think a 3 year old could understand that a) R could drop his phone, b) that iphones are expensive c) that DP would have to pay for it which leaves him without much money for the rest of the month.

citybushisland Thu 09-Feb-17 18:23:21

YANBU, DP is an arse - btw DP or ex? I ask because you don't live together, you have a child together but he hasn't seen him for a week...

TeenAndTween Thu 09-Feb-17 18:24:32


SparklyUnicornPoo Thu 09-Feb-17 18:27:40

YANBU, DP is being an arse. 3 yr olds break stuff, you tell them off and move on, it's just one of those things.

HorridHenryrule Thu 09-Feb-17 18:28:11

Of course he wouldn't understand and he has to teach him that not just you.

HorridHenryrule Thu 09-Feb-17 18:28:45

The amount of stuf my children have broken.

Trifleorbust Thu 09-Feb-17 18:29:49

No, you are being reasonable. 3 year olds break stuff.

deai Thu 09-Feb-17 18:30:38

citybush- complicated, was ex until very recently. We have DS and I'm 35 weeks pregnant so it's a mess of a situation really.

SalmonFajitas Thu 09-Feb-17 18:33:38

YANBU whether or not the phone got broken is irrelevant, that's the adult's responsibility just deal with what DS actually did - i.e. hitting. Of course a 3 year isn't going to know a phone is expensive and might break - obviously R shouldn't have been holding it while playing with a 3 year old.

ollieplimsoles Thu 09-Feb-17 18:35:21

complicated, was ex until very recently. We have DS and I'm 35 weeks pregnant so it's a mess of a situation really.

Sounds like you both need to grow up imo

deai Thu 09-Feb-17 18:37:04

what i don't get is why he's so angry that he has to phone me about it, it's hardly like he's had a really hard week with him and he's at the end of his tether and needs to let off steam or whatever, he had literally only taken him back to his at 3pm!
I'm by no means a saint and I do of course get frustrated with DS, because 3 year olds are frustrating but it worries me a bit that he doesn't seem to be capable of understanding what it's ok to be annoyed with/blame DS for (in this situation that would be for hitting) and what it isn't (the phone being broken, the money etc)
I feel like I have to defend DS and then i worry that i'm one of those parent s who thinks their child is never in the wrong etc, but i'm honestly not

contractor6 Thu 09-Feb-17 18:37:26

R dropped phone, his fault, if he can't keep hold of phone whilst 3yo hitting him, Surely he'd drop it if someone bumped into him in street....

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Thu 09-Feb-17 18:38:52

ollie not helpful

PaulAnkaTheDog Thu 09-Feb-17 18:41:33

Nice ollie hmm

deai Thu 09-Feb-17 18:41:53

Ollieplimsoles- Ok well, thanks but I as I quite clearly said, 'the situation is a bit of a mess.' So i do actually know that but regardless, I'm currently focusing on the impending newborn and not my relationship status, I will work all that out once the new baby, ds and me are more settled and I have the headspace to make life decisions.

ollieplimsoles Thu 09-Feb-17 18:42:41


Well I'm sorry but its quite simple and trivial) three year old hitting (oh what a revelation) uncle is for some reason holding on to it like a bell end while a child is hitting him, he drops it, its broken. Dp is an idiot for ringing op up about it 'sooo angry' over a smashed iphone.

When the op starts a thread called You're a parent - grow up" then its over something so childish..i mean, she's the one having kids with him too!

deai Thu 09-Feb-17 18:45:00

contractor- yes I think that too, but R is some kind of weird godly figure that everyone is apparently scared of and must never cross even though what he actually is, is a wanker

ollieplimsoles Thu 09-Feb-17 18:45:02

The op's dp has bigger things to consider than paying for a smashed iphone at the moment.

Elendon Thu 09-Feb-17 18:52:21

My son put a mobile in the dishwasher during tidy up time (he was obviously being helpful). Phone trashed. Thankfully it was while ex was on son duty.

Chalked that one up to experience.

YANBU. And you need to sort out your relationship.

MatildaTheCat Thu 09-Feb-17 18:52:31

DP is understandably annoyed but needs to understand the capabilities of a 3 year old in predicting what might happen and the consequences. What you should both agree on is good parenting strategies in which you are both consistent and include no hitting. Anybody, any time. So not just saying stop but actively removing him, taking time out and STOPPING it.

Your set up is complicated so I would try to approach this as a situation you both need to address in terms of consistency and approach or you will have a confused little boy who may or may not think hitting is ok sometimes.

deai Thu 09-Feb-17 18:52:35

Ollie- yes, he does have bigger things to consider, that's my point..

TheMysteriousJackelope Thu 09-Feb-17 18:59:14

YANBU. Possibly your DP was venting to you about it because he doesn't have anyone else to vent to? I am guessing most adults would tell him 'The child is 3, you were looking after him, why did you let him hit his uncle so the phone was dropped?' which is probably not something he wants to hear.

deai Thu 09-Feb-17 19:05:44

I am hoping he was just venting, he really freaked me out because I got a bit worried about the fact that he was calling me, i missed the calls so called back and he sounded like something was really wrong so I was thinking something bad had happened to DS. It just all sounded like such an over reaction and R is such a wanker it upset me to think DS is over there with a bunch of adults who are annoyed with him and not understanding of the fact that he is only 3 and shit happens.
but maybe he was just venting or wanting to calm down/get my opinion but it's so stressful that he can't deal with this type of basic situation

Hadalifeonce Thu 09-Feb-17 19:06:27

I don't understand why you DP has to pay for the 'phone, your DS didn't break it, his uncle dropped it.

toomuchtooold Thu 09-Feb-17 19:06:36

Christ, it makes you want to show him that episode of Bing where Bing breaks Flop's phone and Flop doesn't go nuts about it. I always thought that show was for kids but it sounds like your DP could benefit from a watch of it.

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