...to send neighbour child home?

[gwenneh]

...because I feel terrible.

DS and this girl are the same age and they do occasionally like to play together. She doesn't live here full-time, so this isn't an every day thing.

This morning she was here at 8:30 AM (I didn't even have a bra on yet, FFS!!) because we've had a big snowstorm overnight and wanted DS to come out and play, which he did, but as it's -6 here they weren't out for long.

When they came in, she BEGGED DS to go to her house. And he said "No." so we suggested a film, and other activities, which DS was happy to share but she didn't want to, so she went home. DS said he might come over later.

40 minutes later, she's at our door AGAIN, begging DS to come over. I tell her she's welcome to come in and watch the film and have hot chocolate with us, but DS doesn't want to come and play at hers right now. She was upset and went home.

Now I feel bad because I've upset a 6-year-old on behalf of DS (who has politely refused and doesn't really know what to do in face of persistence!)

Am I doing the wrong thing? Should I make DS go over? We've had a discussion about being polite and compromising and all of that, but he wants to stay home and that's that.

How do I handle this while being considerate of DS's and her feelings?

[BilboBagg1]

If your son doesn't want to go to someone's house he shouldn't be forced surely? I don't think you're being unreasonable.

[MTB1003]

No yanbu. Why on earth would you make your DS do something he made clear he doesn't want to. You've invited her in she chose not to. She's also being naughty by keep coming over when he's told her not to.

[SalmonFajitas]

I don't think you did anything wrong, she didn't want to come to his house and he didn't want to go to her house. As long as you were kind and gentle in the way you spoke to her about it there;s not much else you can do.

[FireInTheHead]

You'd be very unreasonable to force ds to go there when he doesn't want to. Same as trying to make kids play together when one doesn't want to. If he doesn't want to go, he doesn't want to go. Its hard on the little girl but she also has to accept she isn't always going to get her own way. You've offered hospitality at yours, beyond that it's not your responsibility to make another child feel better at your child's expense.

[pilates]

YANBU

I think you handled it rather well, you gave her the option to stay at yours and she didn't want to.

[harderandharder2breathe]

Yanbu

Your son didn't want to go to hers, she didn't want to come in to yours.

[gwenneh]

Thanks, all.

I thought so, but my brain is putting me in the place of the neighbour girl and she was very upset that he didn't want to come and play.

I do reiterate every time that she's welcome to join us as much as she likes, she's a lovely girl and she and DS do get on well (or seem to!) when they play together. We spent yesterday riding bikes together and he was over for her birthday last night. Today I made hot chocolate and suggested games. I'd rather they played over there today, my DM has a stomach virus and don't want to expose anyone!

Not sure why DS doesn't want to go over there now, but I'm not going to push the issue.

[marcopront]

This might be too late for you but rather than putting yourself in her place put yourself in DS's place. He doesn't want to go. You have to upset one child at the expense of the other, don't make that your child.

[TENSHI]

She sounds quite pushy and demanding/bossy which is quite normal for that age and your ds sounds easygoing so he might feel more cowtowed to her demands at her house so I think you did the right thing!

Is she an only child?

[WooWooSister]

If it was her birthday yesterday she might have wanted to play with her new toys or games. I'm feeling a little bit sad for her.

[AlmostAJillSandwich]

Is there a specific reason Ds doesn't want to go? Does he not like someone else who lives there, does she get really bossy about what they play (it's my house i get to decide/make the rules type thing), is there a dog/cat he doesn't like to be around, or is it simply he wanted to be comfortable and relax in his own home?
I remember being a child, maybe not as young as six but 9/10 definitely, when i honestly had some friends houses i just didn't want to go to. We all lived in the same street so nothing to do with distance. One kids mum was very in your face and scary so i didn't like going there if her parents were home, one girl just lived with her dad and they weren't the cleanest of people (think no toilet roll half the time and an actual junk room, the door didn't open beyond about a foot wide and the entire room was 2ft or more off the floor just bin bags of junk, old clothes etc. One time we were forced to go in there and i stood on a 8 inch kitchen knife, thankfully it was flat on its side but there were multiple knives, cheese graters, desk fans with no covers, all sorts of shrp metal and plastic stuff that half of was broken, clothes, toys, all sorts that were really potentially dangerous. They moved in the street when i was 9 and i think half their stuff they just threw in there instead of unpacking with the intentions of getting round to sorting it but never doing so. The other friends house i didn't get on as well with the actual kids (male twins with ADHD, they could be violent and really nasty) but i adored their mum, we'd all be at their house and i'd leave everyone else upstairs playing and wander downstairs and sit with her and watch tv whilst she had a glass of wine.
Given the choice of staying in my own home of going to theirs, i'd probably choose to stay home if it were either of the first 2 friends asking.