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Depression and anxiety

(57 Posts)
lavei Thu 09-Feb-17 15:11:44

Currently on mat leave so watching a lot of day time telly. Also part of another few parenting forums.
Everywhere I turn, I seem to come across people with depressions and anxiety. On every show (rinder, Kyle, Judy etc) everyone has an excuse why they can't do basic things such as pay rent, tidy their home etc because they have depression or anxiety. On another forum I am on, every mother either has mental health issues, depression or anxiety whenever someone disagrees with something they have posted which means you have to be nice to them.
I'm fed up with people using depression and anxiety as an excuse for everything!
There are people out there who genuinely suffer from these thing and trust me I have seen first hand how true depression affects a whole family and I find it really frustrating that people think, oh I'm sad or struggling, must be depression.
Does anyone else feel this way?
This post is not made to disrespect anyone who is suffering, just those who like to jump on the bandwagon

JingleHellRock Thu 09-Feb-17 15:14:04

I somewhat agree- a dissatisfaction with your life is not clinical depression. But most lay people don't know the term "dysthymia".

TataEs Thu 09-Feb-17 15:18:46

depression and anxiety effect different people in different ways. you can't decide which depression and anxiety is acceptable and which isn't.

my nan is depressed. she pays rent and keeps a clean house. she also lives in true and constant fear that social services will put her in prison (reasons for this vary) and sits at home with the lights off pretending she's not home.

turn off jk, it's turning you brain to mush!

pipsqueak25 Thu 09-Feb-17 15:25:37

depression and anxiety is a very real problem that affects mllions but i too get fed up with hearing people say 'i'm so depressed, it's raining, someone doesn't like my fb photos, blah blah.' it seems to be an excuse for everything now and the people who really to have it diagnosed seem to be the ones who get told to 'pull themselves together' which you can't do. i know that, i have bi polar, it seemed to be a 'popular' thing to have several years ago, several people i know claimed to have it but knew nothing about the diagnosis or treatment when asked how they were coping. annoys the hell out of me angry

pipsqueak25 Thu 09-Feb-17 15:26:33

tatas your poor nan sad flowers

AlmostAJillSandwich Thu 09-Feb-17 15:27:50

Just a quick note, i suffer both (clinically diagnosed) and finding motivation is very difficult so yes, my house is untidy.

Wolfiefan Thu 09-Feb-17 15:33:00

The thing is that you and I have no idea of these people's medical history or whether they actually have these MH conditions.
I have both depression and anxiety. You would never know.

Purpleprickles Thu 09-Feb-17 15:33:56

Tatas I've been there with two grandparents and it's incredibly hard flowers

OP there are also people with depression and anxiety who like Tatas Nan are just getting on with the day to day. I've suffered from some anxiety since having dd. It was at its worst last year but if you knew me you wouldn't have known. I carried on as normal and cried when alone. I did get support and have found life a lot easier since doing so. I also found it very hard to admit I had it, for me it felt like failure. *
Advice on mental health is always clear in that it should be spoken openly about, that the stigma of mental health makes the conditions worse. So for that I would say yabu. I would however stop watching rubbish like JK, Rinder etc. These programmes sensationalise and also take advantage of people who don't always know better. Watch some box sets, don't get on threads with people who are suffering from depression and anxiety and just enjoy your mat leave and hopefully your good mental health.

MerylPeril Thu 09-Feb-17 15:34:05

I have a friend who is 'depressed/suffering from anxiety'
He doesn't suffer from it from Thursday to Saturday night when he goes out a lot. He is always 'depressed' on a Sunday (hungover) which forces him to overeat (hungover)

He also occasionally is not depressed the other days/nights if he has tickets to a gig he's looking forward to. (Or going on holiday)

He uses it as an excuse for the mess ups in his life instead of growing up and doing something useful and taking responsibility for things.

He writes about it constantly and even has a blog.

Fackorf Thu 09-Feb-17 15:34:15

Internet forums are popular places for people to seek support - anonymous and easy to access - so it could be expected that you see a higher proportion of sufferers posting there than IRL.

Shows like rinder, jk and judge judy present a very distorted image of the real world. Watch anything else.

Unless you actually sit down with each of these individuals and run through some of the diagnostic tools for the condition, you cannot possibly know that they are making it up.

If they are making it up, they have a whole set of different problems.

Fwiw, ime, far more people try very hard to conceal their MH problems.

My "true depression" did not affect my whole family because I did not tell them - I thought that if I did, they would think I was making it up.

RhodaBorrocks Thu 09-Feb-17 15:35:15

I, and several family members have at times suffered with anxiety and depression. Other family members have been quick to judge that none of us are depressed because we remain largely functional and aren't 'unable to get out of bed' (which is there definition of 'true' depression).

We all have jobs. One self medicated with drink and drugs. One takes medication and attends counselling for childhood trauma. I've had CBT. We've all been through mental health services and have got official diagnoses of depression but the Other family members don't accept that and believe it's GPs overdiagnosing the new trendy condition.

For whatever reason they think that 3 family members of the same generation couldn't possibly be depressed and that none of us have the right type anyway.

I know So. Many. People on some form of treatment for depression. They have jobs, families, social lives but they also have depression. Medically diagnosed.

If someone has a genuine medical diagnosis you cannot dispute their presentation of symptoms. If you think depression is rare or its presentation uniform then YABU.

If you are referring to people who diagnose themselves without seeing a qualified professional then YANBU. They take away support and smpathy for the genuinely affected.

stevie69 Thu 09-Feb-17 15:36:00

I do feel for anyone who is suffering from any form of anxiety or depression. I don't imagine that it's a nice place to be sad

On the subject of 'having to be nice to people', well it would be great if we could all do that. However, the real world beckons. I can say, with all honesty, that I have absolutely no issues with anxiety, depression or any aspects of my mental health so there's no need to be nice to me. Anyone needing to vent, please feel free to throw it all my way. It may help you and it won't bother me in the slightest.

S x

likeacrow Thu 09-Feb-17 15:39:08

Yep I know what you mean lavei and do agree. It can be a handy excuse to be lazy and not face up to the daily shit of real life unfortunately. It's a shame as it then means genuine sufferers are probably less likely to speak out/seek help/be listened to.
If you're continually advertising your mental health issues all over Facebook, for instance, I'm a tad suspicious.

LouBlue1507 Thu 09-Feb-17 15:46:19

I have a 6 month old DD and I'm attending university full time, I've just been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. My house is immaculate and my rent is always paid. You'd never know it if you spoke with me, I'm a brilliant actor! Everything might look rosey from the outside and people might not believe the diagnosis because of it. But my mind is always racing, I'm full of self hatred, self doubt and guilt. I cry in bathroom nearly everyday for no reason. I feel useless and worthless, I feel like my family would be better off without me. But I smile and act like everything's ok.

You don't know people's story and are wrong to judge so hastily.

monkeyfacegrace Thu 09-Feb-17 15:53:14

Oh I get fed up of this too.

I feel like people now need to just man the fuck up and realise that shit happens, it doesn't mean youre depressed, it just means you've analysed the situation too much!

I'm the same with myself. I try and give myself stern talkings too about getting a grip. I have bipolar and horrific anxiety, and self medicate with alcohol (am also an alcoholic) and sugar. So now I'm an obese bipolar alcoholic nut case, and then I become all woe is me, and binge to help me forget it and the cycle continues....

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist on Tuesday and have every intention of asking her to give me a verbal slap and not to treat me like a snowflake.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Thu 09-Feb-17 15:58:48

I feel like people now need to just man the fuck up and realise that shit happens, it doesn't mean youre depressed, it just means you've analysed the situation too much!


Right so when my cancer was diagnosed or my baby died or when my DH was so riddled with anxiety his shaking was so bad they sent him for tests for Parkinsons, we should have just realised 'shit happens'.

KathArtic Thu 09-Feb-17 15:59:05

I agree OP, but you'll not find this opinion popular on here.

I think there are a proportion that use (self diagnosed) it as a reason for everyone to be kind and tolerant towards them. Its a shame for those with real a diagnosis as they probably don't get the right sympathy and support.

It is frustrating to read those kinds of threads on here when in fact I just want to scream 'that's life!' The reality is it's difficult, boring, and hard work.

<waits for post to be deleted>

BBCNewsRave Thu 09-Feb-17 16:03:53

monkeyface Are you sure that's the right approach for you? I found that giving myself a break/being kind to myself actually helped. I do not have biploar though (other MH issues). I'd sort of (and still do) have a sort of monologue in my head making "there, there" noises and pointing out I'm doing really well because I've done xyz and Im struggling with something really painful (I try to think what I' say to someone else in the same position). It's really hard to do at first because there's a really deeply inner thing saying "you're crap, get over it" which is fed by others/the media/the MH service (!), but I cope better and get more done... and slowly healing... by listening to the first "voice".

RocketQueenP Thu 09-Feb-17 16:04:53

I agree ...too many use it as an excuse for example to not get a job when actually having a purpose to their day would soon sort the "depression" <disclaimer> depression and anxiety is very real however not everyone who claims to have it is genuine

Not a popular opinion on here 😳

monkeyfacegrace Thu 09-Feb-17 16:05:22

piglet that's exactly my point though! It's shit, it really is. But it's not depression.

I've been in exactly your shoes. Dh diagnosed with cancer, and while having treatment I lost our baby at 16 weeks, then the dog died. All in the same month. I had a foster child at that point too.

Life sometimes is unbearable. But doctors nowadays just lob pills at everyone me included

RocketQueenP Thu 09-Feb-17 16:05:27

And agree with Kathartic as well

JuneBuggy Thu 09-Feb-17 16:07:16

YABU OP, but I think you know that. I too have been clinically diagnosed with both. Neither stop me working, paying my mortgage or keeping a clean / tidy house, but they do stop me from doing other things that I used to love like running, shopping, clubbing, socialising. Plus I can be irritable and get angry at the littlest things.

Depression and anxiety are odd beasts that affect people in different ways. If you want something other to do than watching JK, maybe do some research on mental health conditions to help you understand how they can affect people, specifically how it can impact them in different ways.

RocketQueenP Thu 09-Feb-17 16:07:18

Monkey face I do think doctors just chuck pills at everyone when talking therapy would work loads better. (Unfortunately proper mental health provision is woefully inadequate)

I am sorry for your loss and I hope your situation improves soon flowers

monkeyfacegrace Thu 09-Feb-17 16:08:22

BBC I need to stop drinking first. If I stopped that, then I'd start losing the weight. That would then revive my sex life with DH. Then I'd have less things to be anxious about, the pills would work properly, I wouldn't have the hangover depressive episodes and life would be rosy grin

JuneBuggy Thu 09-Feb-17 16:09:12

Also OP, it's a very good estimate that 1 in 4 people suffer from a MH condition and now the stigma has reduced, many more (myself included) are talking about it. That may be why you feel it's "everywhere".

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