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To be really fucking pissed off that DP always thinks he knows better than me??

(33 Posts)
WanderingNotLost Wed 08-Feb-17 19:11:45

Today it's dinner. He's cooking something I'm not specially keen on, but says he can pick up stuff for me from the shops on his way home if I want something different. So I ask for spinach and ricotta tortellini and some carbonara sauce, which I'll chuck together with some mushrooms and other stuff. Except when he gets home, he tells me he got cheese and ham tortellini, because he "didn't think spinach and ricotta would work with carbonara sauce". Well who the fuck cares what you think, if I wanted cheese and ham tortellini I'd have asked for it! Now as it is I don't even know if I want my dinner, if all it's gonna be is a riot of cheese and ham. Why would you ask someone what they want, and then get something else?

Or last weekend, we'd gone out for the day and my battery died on my phone. So I start rummaging around in my bag for my charger, which I'd put in that morning. You know, in case my battery died. But I can't find it in my bag and I'm starting to think I've gone nuts, when DP informs me that he spotted my charger in my bag before we left and took it out, because "I didn't think you'd need it". Well, who the fuck cares what you think I need, surely it's up to me what goes in my own sodding handbag!! As it was I couldn't charge my phone, and I spent the rest of the afternoon pissed off with him.

These are literally a few examples among the many hundreds where he's assumed that he knows better than I do. It's starting to give me disproportionate rage. I'm literally sulking in the bedroom because he's bought the wrong sodding pasta. But he does it all the time and I've had enough!

OneWithTheForce Wed 08-Feb-17 19:13:52

Hang on, he took your charger out of your bag?? Ok so let's say you didn't need your charger, what exactly did he think was the problem with it being in your bag? Is your bag very limited for space? WTF is he doing in your bag?

insertsomethingwitty Wed 08-Feb-17 19:14:18

This would hugely piss me off too.

Shakirasma Wed 08-Feb-17 19:14:48

YANBU he doesn't respect you.

TheNewSchmoo Wed 08-Feb-17 19:14:52

He sounds a prick. Sorry, not helpful, I know.

EustaceClarenceScrubb Wed 08-Feb-17 19:16:02

YANBU. My DH touches my handbag at his peril.

WeddingsAreStressful Wed 08-Feb-17 19:16:03

This would drive me insane. It's quite controlling and worrying to be honest.

Jenniferb21 Wed 08-Feb-17 19:17:09

I would calm down first and talk to him alone as adults and explain that even though these are petty little things it's the meaning behind his actions that are upsetting you. I'd say when he overrides your decisions it makes you feel undervalued and like he doesn't listen to you or care what you want

Ask if he could make an effort to listen to what you want more and respect your desires.

Sulking is what us women do best but the best way of dealing with it is address it with him. Z

SelfObsessionHoney Wed 08-Feb-17 19:17:17

My DP can be a bit like this, it's fucking infuriating. I'm a 31 year old, intelligent woman, I hold down a full time professional job and am currently pregnant, I am more than capable of making decisions.

We've had to have a couple of sit down talks about it, calm, non confrontational and where I gave specific examples of his blinkered thinking. Things are gradually improving, but he does still do it sometimes and I have to remind him that as much as he may believe he is not an all knowing deity.
Have a chat, see if it helps.

lalalalyra Wed 08-Feb-17 19:17:19

Is he annoying or controlling? Why on earth would he take something out of your bag? That's ridiculous.

RandomMess Wed 08-Feb-17 19:17:43

I'd hate it too and I think I would be ending it if it couldn't be resolved...

Ilovecaindingle Wed 08-Feb-17 19:18:40

Start calling him df?
He sounds like a controlling parent. .

Nellyphants Wed 08-Feb-17 19:19:06

anybody looking in my bag without me expressly giving that person permission would get short shrify from me. He's a knob

ExcuseMyEyebrows Wed 08-Feb-17 19:19:11

I am fuming on your behalf, who does he think he is? Good God, I don't even know him and he's giving me the rage angry

Control freak.

Nellyphants Wed 08-Feb-17 19:19:22

Shrift even!

foxyloxy78 Wed 08-Feb-17 19:19:54

Wow. He sounds like a complete control freak. I have never ever heard of such a thing. It's like he treats you like a child. I would be having serious words with him. There's no common decency. Do you have any kids? Has he always been this way or is this new?

Sherlock35 Wed 08-Feb-17 19:20:00

That would give me proper Hulk type RAGE if someone did that

Astro55 Wed 08-Feb-17 19:20:24

Can you do it back?

Show him how it feels?

How about pinch his debit card .... he won't need That tomorrow.

Then ask what he wants for tea and cook something completely different

It's the only was

RiversrunWoodville Wed 08-Feb-17 19:20:35

Spinach and ricotta tortellini with carbonara is food of the gods (well according to me and dd2) but the point is it's not up to anyone else to tell you what you can or can't want. Although I have slight food obsessiveness according to DH so he wouldn't dream of arguing with what I ordered anymore blush.
The charger thing would drive me insane I think he just needs to be told to stop being an arse

tinglyfing Wed 08-Feb-17 19:24:09

Are you generally pretty confident and capable op?

CurbsideProphet Wed 08-Feb-17 19:24:30

I could not cope with my DP acting like such a dick. YANBU.

WanderingNotLost Wed 08-Feb-17 19:34:52

He's not controlling, just pig headed- and I have no problem being assertive!

He's currently on his way back to Tesco to pick up the pasta I actually asked for.

Wadingthroughsoup Wed 08-Feb-17 19:35:59

YANBU, that sounds pretty controlling. My OH wouldn't do either of those things to me, and nor would I to him.

Wadingthroughsoup Wed 08-Feb-17 19:36:29

Crossed post- glad he's going to get you your pasta!

Wadingthroughsoup Wed 08-Feb-17 19:37:53

Re pig-headed vs controlling. I can see a person who is a bit of a-know-it-all asking you why you need your charger, but to actually remove it from your bag without asking/telling you is really rude and quite controlling.

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