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AIB oversensative

(15 Posts)
NameUser Wed 08-Feb-17 17:42:36

Name change just in case
I have a 5 year old, since having him I have had 4 miscarriages some at quiet late stages of pregnancy, the most recent being just after Christmas, something my group of friends are aware of.

One of the girls in our group has recently had an abortion at 9 weeks, as her and her parenter have not been together long, totally unplanned (failed contraception) and decided they weren't ready (totally her choice, no judgement)

But the last couple of times we have met for coffee she has gone one about, how hard it is to lose a child and how me and her are in the same boat and no one else understands what we are going through.

Whilst I appreciate she may be finding it hard dealing with her choice am I being oversensative to be upset by her putting us in "the same boat", I don't class multiple miscarriages the same as having an abortion.

Don't want a debate on whether abortion is right or wrong....just someone to tell me I am not wrong to feel hurt at her complaining our situations.

MrsJaniceBattersby Wed 08-Feb-17 17:44:02

You are not wrong flowers

PotteringAlong Wed 08-Feb-17 17:44:53

No, you're not. I suspect she didn't want the abortion and is now struggling, but it's still not the same. Do you have a mutual friend who can talk to her about it?

Ilovecaindingle Wed 08-Feb-17 17:46:24

Sounds like she is trying to be in the same corner as you as she fears judgment for her choice. .. You would not be unreasonable to put her straight - sorry for your losses. . I had a loss in June and due date was Monday. Not been an easy week.
Just tell her 'sorry actually but you have no idea how I am feeling' and change the subject. .

BitchPeas Wed 08-Feb-17 17:47:55

YANBU. I have experienced both and they are not the same thing at all.

Being kind, id say she was struggling with her decision, next time she brings it up I'd point out how upsetting you find it and point her in the direction of some proper counselling.

TheHodgeoftheHedge Wed 08-Feb-17 17:49:41

You aren't wrong or being unreasonable. I am so sorry for your losses and I am also sorry for the choice that she has had to make. I am sure she needs some comfort and support too but it's not fair of her to liken it to what you have been through either. I feel for you both but totally understand why this is hurtful for you.

Champers4Pampers Wed 08-Feb-17 17:49:52


I understand she may be having a tough time coming to terms with her decision but she is wrong to compare your situations. The only thing that would come close is that if she had to have an abortion on medical grounds but from what you have described this is not the case.

So sorry for your loss flowers

ohfourfoxache Wed 08-Feb-17 17:50:39


I'm so sorry thanks

Goldmandra Wed 08-Feb-17 17:51:00

I think you need to tell her that, while you appreciate that she may be struggling, you can't support her just now and would appreciate it if she could find someone else to talk her situation through with.

YANBU flowers

NameUser Wed 08-Feb-17 19:02:22

Thanks everyone....not putting a lot of things in perspective at the moment, but this has helped. Think I will speak to a mutual friend as suggested and see if they can speak to her about it, just to let her know I can't speak to her about it at the moment. Feel like a weight has been lifted just typing it all out flowers

Booboostwo Wed 08-Feb-17 19:50:21

I've had an abortion but never an MC and I would never in a million years be so crass as to compare the two. She is really out of line.

I am very sorry for your losses flowers

Claireshh Wed 08-Feb-17 19:53:38

After my first miscarriage a friend said she knew how I felt as she had an abortion. Totally NOT the same AT ALL. X

gunsandbanjos Wed 08-Feb-17 19:55:29

Definitely not BU, she sounds incredibly insensitive and immature. Sorry for your losses.

Creampastry Wed 08-Feb-17 19:55:52

No, it is not the same st all, though no experience of either. However, I guess she is putting the mc and abortion together to ease her pain/guilt. Tell her you don't walk to talk about it, change the subject.

Creampastry Wed 08-Feb-17 19:56:10

* want to talk

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