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Colleague's comment

(40 Posts)
ButterBeanSoup Wed 08-Feb-17 13:13:28

Yesterday I bumped into a colleague in the staff room (in school). Another person asked whether I was okay, and I said yes, I'm just a bit wiped out (approaching half term). The other colleague then said loudly, whilst looking at my stomach "are you sure you don't have some news for us?" I laughed it off, and said no. She continued to stare at me, kind of smirking, and said "well, I'm sure you'll make the announcement when you're ready".

For the record, I'm not pregnant. I was really embarrassed! I'm not sure whether I'm BU to be a bit upset. For background, this colleague has form for being very blunt to the extent that she can be very rude. I don't really like her, but we have a reasonably good professional relationship.

ohfourfoxache Wed 08-Feb-17 13:15:21

shock

What a cow shock

pinkie1982 Wed 08-Feb-17 13:17:53

What a bitch. Did you say anything back?

confusedat23 Wed 08-Feb-17 13:19:06

Oh Butterbean what a bitch that woman is!!!!

Can't you get her back in some really awkward way?

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar Wed 08-Feb-17 13:19:36

How rude! I'd be tempted to say the same to her at some point but that would be terribly unprofessional. The old mn "did you mean to be so rude?" was made for purple like her

TheProblemOfSusan Wed 08-Feb-17 13:19:53

What a nasty person she is. Worth a terse email maybe?

"I'm not pregnant and I'm hurt and embarrassed that you were insinuating that I was. If I were pregnant, you'd also have just forced me into an extremely uncomfortable position - what if I'd just found out some awful news about my unannounced pregnancy? Please don't do that to anyone again."

I might write it but I don't know if I'd send it. You are definitely not bu.

HookandSwan Wed 08-Feb-17 13:19:54

She's gonna be embarresed in a few months!

lol you should ask her when her twins are due or if she's pleased with her new nose..

KoalaDownUnder Wed 08-Feb-17 13:21:31

if she's pleased with her new nose

😂

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar Wed 08-Feb-17 13:21:34

People like her

ButterBeanSoup Wed 08-Feb-17 13:23:57

Thank you! She's the deputy head for goodness sake! I was thinking of talking to the head about it, but maybe that's overkill?

Awwlookatmybabyspider Wed 08-Feb-17 13:25:16

I hate all that shit. She has form..... Its like an excuse. Well its about bloody time she was pulled up on her form. Its amazing what people get away because apparently. "That's just their way". She's nothing but a rude bitch.

ohfourfoxache Wed 08-Feb-17 13:27:58

No, not overkill. I'd be going to the head without hesitation

MaidOfStars Wed 08-Feb-17 13:30:02

She deserves to be pulled up on this - it is simply unacceptable. Go to the head.

HookandSwan Wed 08-Feb-17 13:32:33

If she has form for that kind of behaviour then I would report her. She sounds really unkind.

Miserylovescompany2 Wed 08-Feb-17 13:37:57

Most definitely take this to the head. Deputy-Dog was not only unprofessional but bang out of order...she basically singled you out and humiliated you.

hollinhurst84 Wed 08-Feb-17 13:38:51

Out of order and yes, go to head
What if she says that to someone who can't have children or who has just had a miscarriage? None of her business unless she can actually see the baby emerging from your vagina

schokolade Wed 08-Feb-17 13:39:00

What a weirdo. Either you're not pregnant, or you are and don't want it publicly announced. Wtf was she hoping for?! Daft cow.

NavyandWhite Wed 08-Feb-17 13:39:39

That's dreadful OP. You poor thing.

JollyBobs Wed 08-Feb-17 13:42:48

She sounds like a bully. She make
A point of trying to humiliate you which is completely unacceptable. Best way to deal with bullies is to make a stand- is go above her and report her to the head. There's no need to comment on someone's appearance, she obviously is either tackless, thick or actually very malicious. Either way she won't do it again if you make a big deal of it! Hope you're okay OP.

TurnipCake Wed 08-Feb-17 13:43:44

Could you proudly announce the arrival of your period, maybe when she's mid-mouthful at lunch?

NoCleanClothes Wed 08-Feb-17 13:47:31

YANBU I knew someone who loved being the one "who totally already knew and told you all" whenever someone was pregnant. They'd forget the fact that they had pronounced loads of people pregnant who weren't and really offended them. She said it about loads of people who didn't even look remotely pregnant (just the fact that they were married and hadn't had a kid in a few years).

TENSHI Wed 08-Feb-17 13:51:46

Have you noticeably put on weight op? Were you wearing something noticeably more figure hugging that would warrant such a comment?

I ask because why would she deliberately want to cause offense?

If she genuinely thought you were pregnant she obviously thought there would soon be something to celebrate!

I expect there are plenty of women who get asked them same thing if they are fatter around the tummy then normal, being delighted for someone by mistake is not a crime!

MarklahMarklah Wed 08-Feb-17 13:53:14

Not in the workplace but someone I see occasionally. EVERY time I see her she asks if I am pregnant. EVERY SINGLE TIME. I have repeatedly told her I am not. I have repeated told her I will not be again. Last time she mentioned it I rather went off on one - I explained that I never ask a woman if she is pregnant unless I can see a baby coming out of her. I explained that some people are fat, or some may have just lost a baby. I explained that I am too old to be pregnant without significant risk. That DD and I nearly died when she was delivered.
Hopefully she has got the message.

In your case I think this does need escalating. As has been said upthread, what if you were pregnant but had just had some awful news. What if it was an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy. What if (as was the case of a late colleague of mine) it was an inoperable tumour. Some people need a rocket up them before they realise how inappropriate their comments are.

lalalalyra Wed 08-Feb-17 13:54:59

I would mention it to the head. We had a teacher like this in a school I worked in and the head got pissed off when she thought one member of staff had told everyone, but her that she was pregnant - she wasn't.

If you don't want to complain then do it in a "I don't want you to be planning my replacement or worrying about me doing PE/climbing on a chair to hang a display/other random thing that says I'm not pregnant".

alltouchedout Wed 08-Feb-17 13:55:00

I used to have a colleague, let's call her Wendy for that was her name who was a nosy and rude (and odd) person. Another colleague once came to tell me that Wendy had wondered, loudly and at length, whether I was pregnant (I was not) and had suggested I could be "because alltouchedout's boobs look really big at the moment".

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