Am I being unreasonable to be fed up?
My DP is/was a heavy drinker ( I would say alcoholic, but the doctor didn't feel it was at that level and offered no help). He used to drink excessively ( 5+ cans, regularly more, and often cider/gin and tonic almost daily). Anyway, NYD he 'gave up', his choice prompted by our DS being due in May and to be fair didn't touch a drop for 4 weeks. Not long but still an achievement considering his difficulty with it.
He went to the doctor for help/advice and came away with sleeping pills/anti anxiety medication. Despite previously saying that he wanted to attend meetings he's used the fact the doctor wasn't concerned as justification that his problem wasn't 'that bad.' He believes he can manage it. So last week he comes to me with that conversation and we 'discuss' him being able to slowly introduce the occasional drink into his life. I said I didn't want him to, that he'd made such a good start and perhaps he should return to the doctor to get more support as he clearly needs it. I told him that he has a problem with alcohol and that he can't manage it, his words when he gave up. He's taken this as a point to prove me wrong so he is drinking again to show he can control it. Found 3 cans in the bin and a large bottle. Just feel so let down by him. His argument is that if it's only a couple of times a week then it's fine and normal. I disagree, as far as I understood if you had a problem with alcohol dependency giving up completely and getting ongoing help was the best way forward.
He can be very inconsiderate about things and quite closed off. Like letting me struggle in from the car with multiple bags while he settles on the sofa on his phone. And he is really possessive over money ( we have separate finances), he bought our DS's pushchair from his Very account so has been consistently going on about how he's spent all that money on his son whenever I try to discuss what else we get to plan to get. If he takes me out then a fuss is made about how he's 'treating' me. Normally he finds a way to get me to pay it, or even if I've paid the last couple of times, splitting it so he can save money because he never any apparently. He works and gets a good wage but he bets, so often drops into conversation that he's won £70 or similar, but I never see a penny.
Sounds such a catch doesn't he!?
I'm not stupid, it's just taken me a while to realise that this really isn't what I want. I want the him I get glimpses of sometimes when he can be bothered, but day to day he frustrates and disappoints me. I've other DC so I feel confident that I'll cope with another one on my own, much as I wish I didn't have to do it.
So I suppose I'm not being unreasonable, but I think I just needed to write it all down.
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AIBU?
I know I'm not BU, but can someone confirm it for me?
67 replies
YawningHippo · 08/02/2017 07:26
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