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everyone else finds parenting much easier than I do

(40 Posts)
NoArmaniNoPunani Wed 08-Feb-17 04:35:15

DS is 14 months old. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me and I was prepared for it to be hard work. But I seem to find it so much harder than other mums. I work 3 days a week, DH does 4 and DS goes to nursery on the 2 days we both work. DH easily does his share, nursery drop offs, weekly shop in the evening, tidying. I do washing and cleaning, we share cooking.

So why am I constantly exhausted? Other people manage the food shop with kids, or are planning their next child, while I feel like a dried up husk thats just about surviving.

Rubyslippers7780 Wed 08-Feb-17 04:45:41

You are not alone in being exhausted. It is hard, really hard but this is the most intense time - sleep deprivation, worry, body still recovering from birth / breastfeeding feeding. Don't beat yourself up. You are working and have a baby. Rest when you can - be kind to yourself. Early nights and it does get easier when they get a bit bigger..sleep consistently through the night. What are your expectations are do they need adjusted? I stupidly thought I'd still have 'time' but that comes back later on..

TheFrenchLieutenantsMonkey Wed 08-Feb-17 04:45:43

I promise you they don't. They just hide it better!
How is your son's sleep. Does it allow you enough rest?
Alternatively do you mean exhausted as in sleep or exhausted as in emotionally? I'm sorry for my lack of elegamce, I'm up with a 10year old with a chest infection so am a bit weary myself. I just wanted you to know someone's listening.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Wed 08-Feb-17 04:47:54

Are you still breastfeeding? Breastfeeding is bloody exhausting!

Sleeping through?

Once I got those out of the way I felt so good!! Then I got pregnant again...

NoArmaniNoPunani Wed 08-Feb-17 05:00:09

I did have a traumatic time having him, which I'm having CBT for. I had HELLP syndrome. He had IUGR due to my crappy placenta. We were both seriously ill after delivery. But I'm getting through that, it's 14 months on and I'm still finding things so tough.

He's a pretty good sleeper unless teething or unwell. I'm still waking up regularly even though he's asleep as my body has got used to doing it.

mmgirish Wed 08-Feb-17 06:02:30

You are not alone. I was exhausted and I had a nanny as well. Some kids are more difficult that others. I had friends at work who bounced back and looked amazing where I often had vomit on my clothes somewhere. Internet grocery shopping is great!

malificent7 Wed 08-Feb-17 06:17:08

I think people who say it's easy are lying!

MyGastIsFlabbered Wed 08-Feb-17 06:29:05

I feel like this and my boys are 4 and 7. I'm a single parent with a horrible ex which doesn't help but I'm exhausted, look like shit most of the time, all the other parents at school manage to look so groomed compared to me. But trying to juggle a small child, a job etc is exhausting. I'm pretty sure everyone feels tested by it sometimes, but it's not the done thing to talk about how shit it is sometimes.

Velvian Wed 08-Feb-17 06:32:34

Could you be anaemic? It can make you surprisingly exhausted even if you're slightly anaemic.
I feel just the same re: myself vs other people.

KP86 Wed 08-Feb-17 06:34:25

Mine is almost three and I am EXHAUSTED. I need a non-Mum break. Physically and emotionally.

I agree with everyone else who said the others are hiding it a lot better!

AllTheBabies Wed 08-Feb-17 06:38:11

It is tiring. To be honest I found it hardest when I was working, especially having to worry when dd1 was ill and had to be off school. Since dd2 came along a year ago I've been a sahm and I've found it so much easier. Well I work the weekends but I don't really count those because I don't have to worry about childcare (dp is off) and it's very temporary as going on maternity leave again in April.

Give yourself a break. You had a tough time and having your first is a huge adjustment.

PicnicPie Wed 08-Feb-17 07:19:13

Another exhausted mum here too. DD'S 2 and 4, both parents work full time. Have quite a full on social life too at wknds with wider family. We are constantly on the go. I don't have a cleaner and we do all hires ourselves. We have both adjusted but it's still hard. Our motivating factor is having something to look forward to, annual leave and holidays etc. And the thought that as the girls get more independent it will get easier. Hang on in there.

PicnicPie Wed 08-Feb-17 07:19:53

Hires = chores

SaorAlbaGuBrath Wed 08-Feb-17 07:22:10

OP, it's a myth that everyone else is better at it than you, and it feels awful. I was knackered with all of mine, eldest is 10 and I have a 2 and 3 year old too. Honestly? I can't remember the last time I wasn't knackered! You've had a really traumatic time, and have a lot going on, go easy on yourself. Parenting properly isn't easy, that's why you're knackered, but please don't think you're failing or you're somehow not good enough. Because you are!

Velvian Wed 08-Feb-17 07:24:08

(If you able to) get a cleaner for a couple of hours a week for those jobs that play on your mind, but you never seem to get around to.

KidLorneRoll Wed 08-Feb-17 07:27:16

Every parent is exhausted. It's hard and a lot of the time you do feel like you are fighting a losing battle.

Give yourself a little slack, eventually it does get easier.

Famalam13 Wed 08-Feb-17 08:21:18

I think they are just hiding it. All the parents I know with babies or toddlers (including me) are knackered. I keep trying to remind myself that the highly dependant stage is short although at the moment it feels eternal. You can do this smile flowers

toomuchtooold Wed 08-Feb-17 09:38:50

Every time I see a friend of mine getting pregnant with their second kid I'm like oh my god are you out of your mind? I had twins which I am glad about because I like both my kids grin and I would really have struggled with a decision to have a second.

I think most people with a 14 month old are knackered, and the ones that aren't are either lying or they have one of those preternaturally calm children who slightly scare me.

Butterymuffin Wed 08-Feb-17 09:43:56

I was knackered at that stage even though in theory there was plenty of support for me. As others have said, it's just that other people are hiding it well!

Candlefairy101 Wed 08-Feb-17 10:10:44

OP I dread waking up in the morning and like you I am my own worst critic. I feel like I am a terrible mum, a terrible wife, a terrible friend.

I know longer go on social media but I can not understand how everyone else has time to look the way they do, go out for lunches with friends in tow. I struggle to do the school run let alone make other plans!

I have a 6 year old boy, 2.5 yr girl and 11 month girl. All I seem to do is school runs, feeding and nappies.

GoesDownLikeACupOfColdSick Wed 08-Feb-17 10:20:50

I work full time. It feels like i spend most of my time with DD wishing she would sleep and most of my time away from her panicking that she won't be a lovely little toddler for long and will soon be a teenager who hates being cuddled and then remembering that it seems like about 2 minutes since I was that teenager and where the hell has it all gone.

So... if you're doing better than that, you're doing ok, OP smile

Liskee Wed 08-Feb-17 10:32:34

I found it's easy to love them, but the rest of parenting does not come easy! DS1 is two and DS2 7 months. We only had DS2 so quickly due to my advancing age! But now we're done. I sometimes find myself wishing the days away and then other days being part of this wee family unit is the best. On none of those days though is the house tidy, the laundry basket empty, the bathroom totally cleaned, the beds changed or any of the other gazillion jobs which used to be done weekly completed. And I'm permanently wrecked. Like only biscuits and cola will get me through wrecked. I do love them though, mostly ;)

OuchBollocks Wed 08-Feb-17 10:41:00

Small children are exhausting. My mum recently stayed to help look after DD 2.7, who is generally quite content/self sufficient. (I was in hospital and DH had to work a few days) She only had her alone for 2 days and 1 was a preschool day. DM had grand plans to batch cook for me and craft in the evenings. In reality by 7pm she utterly exhausted, she even took a nap one day. Its the relentless need for your attention I think, even if they're playing by themselves or even napping you are aware of them 24/7. Its like being an air traffic controller on a small but volatile scale smile

NoArmaniNoPunani Wed 08-Feb-17 18:10:11

Thanks for all your posts, it has made me feel better to know there are others feeling the same way.
saor your post was particularly lovely and made me a bit emotional.
velvian I could be anaemic, I have been in the past. I think I'll get some spatone

Frazzledmum123 Wed 08-Feb-17 19:24:53

Me too, permanently knackered! I was actually just saying so yesterday, I have a 5 yr old, 3yr old and a 2month old but they are really easy children on the whole and the baby is sleeping through (nothing special I've done, just lucky) so I don't understand why I'm so tired- I think tbh it's as much the mental exhaustion as a physical one. I too feel like hubby is infinitely better at it than me and it feels rubbish at times. Are you on fb or instagram? I follow someone called the unmumsy mum and another person called hurrah for gin and they really help me not feel so crap, all light hearted humour about how bloody hard it is being a parent, just seeing someone else saying stuff I feel out loud makes me feel more normal lol. Everyone struggles, some are just more honest about it!

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