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MNHQ have commented on this thread

AIBU?

To expect husband to use his brain occasionally?

286 replies

McDougal · 07/02/2017 17:15

Together for 16 years, married for almost seven but almost certain that he has engaged his brain about three times during that period. He'll do absolutely anything for anyone, me included, but the second conversation turns to him doing something without direction, he goes blank. Please tell me it's not just me that this infuriates?

OP posts:

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DJKKSlider · 07/02/2017 17:19

Does he work?

It always amazes me that men are abke to get away with being brain dead, TV watching zombies at home who are incapable of thought or action.
Yet they hold down jobs, get paid, drive cars...
Its almost like a switch flicks as they put their key in the front door.

Capable man about town... Key in door... Kevin the teenager.

Krap · 07/02/2017 17:25

Yes here too! my stbxh! Really looking forward to fully moving on so I'm not constantly having to do 'his share' too. Can't wait in fact 😁

McDougal · 07/02/2017 17:25

Yes, shift work but cushy number of four days on, four days off (6:00 - 18:00). I don't even mind if doesn't pitch in when he's at work as I'm a full time student but only second year so my timetable isn't as hectic as it could be. We have a four year old DD and while he is absolutely fantastic with her, he'd not have a clue about nursery times or even what to do with her when I'm at uni unless given one hell of a hint!

And I always thought I'd never be pigeonholed in the typical wife/mother role

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Trifleorbust · 07/02/2017 17:29

Did you know this before you married him, or did someone swap him for a garden gnome?

Ohdearducks · 07/02/2017 17:30

My DP is lovely but not the brightest.
I found a missed call from him the other day and text him to ask what he called for, he text back "don't worry it's sorted now, couldn't find anywhere to park (near work) and was going to ask you what I should do."
What he thought I could do about it I don't know

McDougal · 07/02/2017 17:32

He's always looked quite gnome-like now you mention it. I do love him but we got together when very young and he doesn't seem to have matured in the slightest!

Asking you to help with a parking space?! I haven't had that one.....yet.

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Ohdearducks · 07/02/2017 17:36

He's kind, caring, considerate, a lovely dad, loving and loyal but like yours never really matured past the age of 21 when we met.

Baffledonthisone · 07/02/2017 17:36

Did you know this before you married him

I have read this sort of thing quite often on this forum. I never quite understand it. Did you know your boyfriend would be a lovable but semi-useless husband and dad before you married him and he became a husband and dad?

Trifleorbust · 07/02/2017 17:36

PleasantPhesant · 07/02/2017 17:36

Have to say my dh doesn't have a clue about school. No idea what's going on on what day despite me doing a school rota for the kids so we don't forget anything.

No idea who the dcs teachers are.
No idea on levels dc should be within.
No idea on homework etc
No idea on events / trips at school

He is getting better but he's never shown an interest really. 3 dcs here ,sorry not 3,4!

Trifleorbust · 07/02/2017 17:37

Baffledonthisone: That's not exactly what I meant. If he has never used his brain, I would think that would be fairly evident even without the addition of a wedding ring

Baffledonthisone · 07/02/2017 17:40

I disagree. We were all you and in lust once. It's easier to gloss over these fairly inconsequential flaws when the butterflies are still fluttering.
I think it's very normal that these cracks appear later and it's not like he's abusive. He is generally fine, just a bit... well just a bit.

Mrsglitterfairy · 07/02/2017 17:40

Yes YABU, obviously your husband is like mine and can only use his brain for a few hours a day or it will burn out. Leave the poor little lamb alone

Baffledonthisone · 07/02/2017 17:40

Young not you

McDougal · 07/02/2017 17:42

I do wonder how he functions in his life outside of home. All of his colleagues love him and apparently he 'keeps everyone organised' so that must take up a fair bit of his thought capacity. I'm sure he could use the remaining 20% to keep track of other things though....without checking the board in the kitchen to check where we are all meant to be!

Default position is always 'bless him, he does try'

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Trifleorbust · 07/02/2017 17:43

Baffledonthisone: Of course but that's where judgement comes into play, isn't it? We've all been in lust. Love is supposed to be different to that.

BertrandRussell · 07/02/2017 17:44

I wonder how many of you would say earnestly that you aren't feminists?

McDougal · 07/02/2017 17:47

Definitely a feminist over here but it appears this damn patriarchal society gets us all in the end

To be fair to him though, it's not just marriage where I tend to take over 'just to get the job done'. I've been told I'm quite overbearing in uni group work too

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Mrsglitterfairy · 07/02/2017 17:48

I'm most definitely not a feminist Bert I love my husband to be manly and take care of me. I don't empty the bin, change lightbulbs, have anything to do with my car except the driving of it and occasionally outing diesel in it.. and I know I will probably get flamed for this

BertrandRussell · 07/02/2017 17:55

Not quite sure how you equate wanting him to be manly and look after you with "Yes YABU, obviously your husband is like mine and can only use his brain for a few hours a day or it will burn out. Leave the poor little lamb alone" but hey ho. New definitions of "manly" and "looking after" that I haven't previously come across.

WorraLiberty · 07/02/2017 17:57

A fantastic father who needs to be told what to do with his own child, when you're at Uni?

That's a complete oxymoron.

toffeeboffin · 07/02/2017 17:59

DH has to cook dinner on Sat night as a. It's my birthday and b. His parents are coming for dinner.

He's already panicking about cooking as he never cooks.

I will not offer to cook, even if it makes things easier (and edible)

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McDougal · 07/02/2017 18:00

It is actually, isn't it?

He is actually fantastic with her but he does need, shall we say, guidance on the kinds of things which keep a four year old entertained. Unless it involves lounging around on the couch watching films, which she is occasionally happy to do, in which case he's a pro.

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TheHodgeoftheHedge · 07/02/2017 18:01

Being a feminist is not about what jobs you do around the house. It's simply a belief in women having equal rights. I find it hard to believe many people these days don't agree with that.
Sorry to be a pedant but it's a pet peeve of mine.

McDougal · 07/02/2017 18:03

Slightly overused actually there

Ah the pressure of expectations! He'll survive but the kitchen mightn't

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