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AIBU to think I'm being unappreciated?

(79 Posts)
Jannerite Tue 07-Feb-17 16:32:33

Before I start, this is going to potentially be outing, anybody who knows me will probably guess it's me, so hey to anybody who might potentially know me grin

My youngest nephew, my DBro's DS with his new girlfriend, was born about 6 months ago. Every Wed-Thurs I'll get a message from DBro asking if I'm having my nephew this weekend. This has happened for every weekend, bar about maybe 3-4 weekends since he was born, that's probably a generous guess. He comes on the Friday and leaves on the Sunday. Every weekend I am stuck indoors as I never have his pram here.

My DBro and his girlfriend weren't together, or it was really new, around the time my nephew was conceived. Nobody really knows as it was a bit secretive. She has DC from previous relationships, who spend time with their dad at the weekends. I have said to my DM that maybe this weekend I'll say no, but she insists I should do it as my DBro and his girlfriend hardly get any time alone together, and it's good for their relationship to have that time.

I really don't mind having my nephew with me. It can be quite nice (although I'm glad he's been sleeping through the night for a while now grin). However, I've never been thanked for looking after him. I'm not expecting a party, or fireworks, or anything fancy, but a simple thank you every now and again would be nice.

AIBU for thinking I'm being unappreciated or am I just being a bitch for wanting a simple "thank you" sometimes? I can't quite work out which it is.

petitdonkey Tue 07-Feb-17 16:34:40

You know you are going to have 100+ people replying that you should just say 'no' don't you???

I love my nieces and nephews but I am not raising them.

JohnLapsleyParlabane Tue 07-Feb-17 16:36:07

You are being taken for a ride.

ImperialBlether Tue 07-Feb-17 16:36:16

Are you mad?

They have the weekend off to do what they want while you're looking after their baby?

Do you work, OP? Wouldn't you like a rest at the weekend?

And if your mum is so keen, why isn't she looking after him?

BornStroppy Tue 07-Feb-17 16:38:03

They should be bonding with this child at the weekend instead of fobbing him off. You have to stop this for the sake of the child if not for yourself. I'm assuing they work during the week?

CwtchMawr Tue 07-Feb-17 16:38:25

Why doesn't your mum have him if she's concerned about them spending time alone?
Say no OP I've got two children and yes it's tiring and I sometimes wish for a weekend off but this is what I signed up for when I decided to have children. If you keep on being so helpful don't be surprised when their next child is born and they want you to take both every weekend!

BusterTheBulldog Tue 07-Feb-17 16:39:01

Don't you have weekend plans? This sounds bonkers!

Trifleorbust Tue 07-Feb-17 16:40:43

How odd. Of course you are reasonable for wanting them to appreciate this MASSIVE favour you are doing them. However, is this really so great for the baby? Why don't his parents want him at the weekend? confused

JennyOnAPlate Tue 07-Feb-17 16:41:00

Do you have your own dc? If so I strongly suggest you give them to your bro every weekend for the next six months.

Ohyesiam Tue 07-Feb-17 16:41:15

This is a crazy situation. Why shouldn't they look after their own child? Like all the other child in the world who only have weekends to be together? Why is your mum so invested in it? If she wants them to have week end so badly, she could look after the nephew.
Sounds like none of you are being adults.

PollytheDolly Tue 07-Feb-17 16:43:45

They're taking the piss.

You must start saying no. Can you envisage another 10-15 years of this?

Ilovecaindingle Tue 07-Feb-17 16:45:41

Next time send them a bill for child care -

Mulberry72 Tue 07-Feb-17 16:46:45

Sorry OP but they're taking the piss out of you!

user1483387154 Tue 07-Feb-17 16:46:49

that is far too much. Yes it's lovely to get to spend some time with your nephew but being expected to babysit him all weekend pretty much every weekend is excessive. Start saying NO!

FannyDeFuzz Tue 07-Feb-17 16:49:12

You're being taken for a mug. I can't talk as I started down a similar slippery slope with a relative. I didn't mind because I loved the child in question and enjoyed having them. But I had a wake up call when I went for a rare day out with DH- very much adult time, which was a rare occurrence- and the child's mother phoned us in an absolute rage when she found out we wouldn't be taking the child that day.

I made it very clear after that that we would only be babysitting when we offer. She still tries to push the boundaries but not as much

girlelephant Tue 07-Feb-17 16:50:30

I find this bizarre! I would not give up this much time with my child so can't understand why they want this regular arrangement.

However even if they do this is VVVU! Surely your weekends are for your own enjoyment. Just say no

DelphiniumBlue Tue 07-Feb-17 16:52:55

Sounds very strange. If someone had offered to have any of mine when they were babies for the occasional overnight, I'd have been on my knees with gratitude! I can't quite get over the fact that they don't even thank you!

As for sending a baby without a pram... well what is that about? Does he not have a pram?

Anyway, you would be being very kind to have the baby once a month, and it would be normal to be given a pram so that you are not housebound. Chocolates/flowers/ bottle of fizz would be in order too.

It's worrying that they don't want to spend time with their own baby - is he properly looked after? The absence of the pram is ringing alarm bells to me, they don't seem to be thinking of the baby's welfare.

Is your Mum having the baby at other times? If not, why is she so insistent that you should do it every weekend, rather than her?

I think you maybe need to put boundaries around this, make it clear you are doing them a massive favour by having the baby ever at all, and if you do it again, insist on a pram. Maybe suggest once a month, or just ad hoc? But you are not being unreasonable at all, they are by not appreciating you. Can't believe you haven't been thanked!

NickyEds Tue 07-Feb-17 16:55:54

Not appreciated? I would have serious concerns about parents wanting to leave their tiny baby for such a long time so very often.

redexpat Tue 07-Feb-17 16:59:21

Have I understood that you have had him mearly every weekend for the last 6 months?

Costacoffeeplease Tue 07-Feb-17 17:02:22

Why do you put up with it? And why don't they want to spend weekends as a family?

All very odd

EmeraldScorn Tue 07-Feb-17 17:08:12

Every weekend bar maybe 3 or 4 in 6 months - Obviously your brother is taking the piss.

I absolutely adore my nieces and nephews but I would never be expected to/asked to/agree to looking after any of them practically every weekend.

I would suggest that you start being busy so that when your brother texts to enquire whether you're giving up yet another weekend to mind his child you simply reply "Sorry but I have plans this weekend" and use that very same reply for however many weekends a month you feel comfortable with.

I wouldn't even get into the situation of explaining or justifying, I would just be non receptive to his suggestion.

He really is expecting far too much and taking advantage of your blatant kindness!

Bumblebiscuits Tue 07-Feb-17 17:14:10

I was always amazingly grateful if someone would have my children for just a couple of hours when they were little, let alone all weekend. That's deffo taking the piss OP.

Greta84 Tue 07-Feb-17 17:14:16

Flipping 'eck. You're an angel and your 'D'bro is taking the piss. Tell them to look after their own kid! Wth!

honeylulu Tue 07-Feb-17 17:15:30

WTAF? What about your weekend?
Being stuck in the house because they don't bother bringing the pram is un-fucking-believable!
Do you have a partner? Kids? Or is it just you? (In neither situation is it excusable though..)
And why isn't your mother helping if she thinks it's such a good idea?

Chippednailvarnishing Tue 07-Feb-17 17:16:09

They're taking the piss and you're letting them.

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