People who say 'oh yes little Johnnie/ Janey loves his/her little brother/sister' when new baby is less than 6 months old ARE LYING(174 Posts)
Small gap between my 2 (less than 2 years) and DC1 was DEVASTATED when DC2 came along. Now lots of DC2s friends are having little brothers and sisters and the parents are all saying 'oh yes he/she just loves little babies...' or 'I think it's been harder on us than on him/her...' Please tell me this is utter bullcrap and it's not just that I'm a terrible parent who completely mishandled having number 2.
Having to make room for a younger sibling has been the single most traumatic event in DC1's short life. Adjusting to that was a bit like grieving and it's knocked us all for six. Is our experience really unusual? I wasn't prepared for how hard it would be at all. AIBU to think that's because other people are lying about how easy their DC are finding it?
I don't think they are lying-I think some siblings that age do genuinely love their little siblings.
However your experience is one we're having too. Hoping once our smallest gets more interactive DS will enjoy it more!
Ive had both scenarios with my three. I don't think it's because of how you've handled it. Just different personalities and stages of life/development.
My older ones did not love their younger siblings. They weren't particularly interested in babies, and their jealousy came out as two-year-old anger towards me, mostly.
Your toddler was just a baby herself of course it was a huge adjustment you are not a terrible parent . Some kids do love their siblings but i bet the eldest objects when mummy has the baby and they want attention. I have nearly 5 years between mine Dd1 loved her sister till she started moving around and bothering her, they are 19 and 24 now and get on (most of the time.)
Ds was 19months when dd came along and it knocked him for 6. He regressed and seemed exhausted. I worried I'd ruined his life. Soon got better though and they got on so well. They're 10 &12 now and still good pals most of the time. They've got a new baby sister now who they do absolutely adore from the off!
My DD loved it when my DS came along andvsge had just turned two. I will never forget her face when she first saw him!
A long time ago now but my DD who was 3 years older than DS1 absolutely hated him for the first 6 months. I had to keep an eye on her all the time to prevent sneaky pushes, smacks and flicks. Then at 6 months she suddenly had a change of heart and adored him! Just as well as he was much stronger than her quite early on.
I think once they can "play" with them it gets better.
They're not all lying. My daughters have a slightly bigger gap and DD1 appears to absolutely adore DD2 (1 month old). It's amazing watching her behave so lovingly towards her baby sister.
As with anything though I suspect it's all to do with personalities and individual circumstances.
You haven't failed at family management, you just currently have a different dynamic to other families.
Your experience does sound unusually dramatic op, what happened?
I don't agree with the older sibling being forced into 'loving' the baby immediately- you hear a lot of 'ohh he's lovely, do you love him?' Type talk and I just think give him a break! A lot depends on what the age gap is tbh.
Argh reading this sitting in hospital waiting to be induced with dc 2, ds is 18 months. I hope I haven't ruined his life!
A family member had a similar experience. DC1 just didn't want to know about DC2.
We had no issues, despite having been fully expecting dramas!
We didn't do anything better/different IMO. Just different children dealing with the situation differently.
I think (!) my DS(4) will be ok with the new arrival. He's very good around my bump and will give it a kiss and is excited to feel the baby move. He has always been pretty considerate of others though (from an early age he'd be giving other kids toys, for instance). Once it arrives we'll see - it depends on how much time new baby takes up, although I don't think it'll change our home routine too much as he's usually at nursery / out the house with the au pair anyway, so he may be fine. (In fact I think he may be OK with helping out too - upon telling him he was going to be a brother he said he didn't want to be as it would be at nursery with him (nope) and because he didn't want to change smelly nappies (we've confirmed he will not need to do this), otherwise he has no objection.)
DSIL hated DH when he arrived. She was 5, a strong personality, and the world had revolved around her until then. He was a boring, non-interactive thing distracting from her.
Argh! Wish I hadn't read this, no.2 is due when DD will be 14 montha old. Fingers crossed for baby chums.
Mine have adored new babies. Doesn't last...
My DS loved his sister from the very start. He was always hugging her, kissing her and bringing her toys when she was a newborn, never any jealousy. He was 26 months when she arrived.
They have good fun together now and she is 11 months. Bit of argy bargy over toys but that's to be expected.
You sound very defensive or even paranoid. Surely you recognise that different groups have different dynamics and that the unique combination of personalities in your family and so you can expect different reactions. Do you honestly think people would lie to you over something that is of no consequence really?
Once your children are loved and cared for, there is very little credit or blame that can be directly attributed to parenting. It isn't a computer - adding inputs A and B does not guarantee result X. Same as everything else in life.
Carry on loving both your children - and stop worrying about other people.
Not everyone is lying
My two are 11 months apart, DS is now 17 months and baby pink is 6 months. Every morning when ds gets up he goes in to see dd. His always trying to play with her/share his food/ sitting on her little play mat. Right now ds is sitting near dd mumbling and showing her his trains
It depends on the family or child concerned. It depends on their ages and many other things.
My nephew adored his baby brother from the minute he was born. Unfortunately the baby was seriously poorly for a long time and his bigger brother had to put up with his parents being absent a lot because they were visiting the baby in hospital, but he never resented the baby or played up,
The 'baby' is 5 now and his older brother is 9 and still very protective and loving towards him.
Don't feel you did anything wrong. You can do everything text book and still have a child that cannot adjust to a new sibling.
Gaps between 20 and 24 months (4 DC) and each time they loved having a sibling. Possibly luck of the draw, possibly the way we introduced them, sorry to hear you are finding it tough it gets better and easier as they get older
Some will be lying and some won't be, and. There are those few who tell it exactly how it is, but The point is. You only live with your own children. Its very easy indeed for people to make out they have a knitted perfect family, children and lives.
I remember when dd had just started reception and you get talking to mums. How's .......settling in, and every reply was "Oh he/she loves it. There was talk of putting her straight into year one, because she/he's so bright.
I almost had the only child in the whole year group. Fuckin hell she'd have been ready for Oxford by the time she was 7. What with all those teachers to herself. .
Sorry to take things slightly off track but. Same horse different color
DD was 19 months when DS was born and she absolutely hated the change. When we first got home from the hospital and DW was cuddling him she stood in the middle of the room, pointing to the Moses basket and crying "put it back! Put it back!"
She ignored me for a good week (it was horrible. I really felt as if I'd ruined our bond forever) and then she literally ignored her brother for 6 months. We didn't have to worry about leaving them in the same room together and her trying to pick him up etc because she behaved as if he didn't exist.
They are 8 and 9 now and they are best, best buddies. Their relationship is one of the things that makes me tear up when I think about it
So, don't worry. You haven't done anything wrong. Just give your big baby loads and loads of attention because you've rocked their world and they need it stabilising again.
My 2.4 year old does genuinely love her sister. She tells us all the time. Smothers her in kisses and tries to help her all the time.
But this may change when toys need sharing!
My DS1 was delighted with DS2 when he was born and was always very caring and gentle. DS2 was deeply unimpressed with DD, and even now she's two, he has his moments - although generally a pretty good big brother now. They're all different, try not to worry about it.
I don't have kids myself but didn't handle getting a sister very well. Spent all of my mums pregnancy telling people I wanted a puppy instead. Aged about 5 angrily told my sister (age 1) that "my life was perfect before you"
If it helps we did eventually learn to get along and we're close now. Although I do still prefer puppies
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