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Dd's friend has shown them porn!

(71 Posts)
Justalittlelemondrizzle Mon 06-Feb-17 20:44:51

My dd's aged 8 & 9 went to play at a friends house earlier who's also 9. She told them to "look at this, it's weird. Don't tell your parents"
They said she typed something in youtube or google and shown them a video. From what they describe the video was of various acts of oral sex but possibly more. They've always had filters and strict parental controls on their tablets and on the computer and have never been subjected to anything like this before.
I am devastated. I don't know what to do!

Mammylamb Mon 06-Feb-17 20:48:38

I think you need to get in touch with their friends parents. Apart from that I have no idea. Sorry

Niskayuna Mon 06-Feb-17 20:50:27

Tell her parents.

They need to know their child is accessing this stuff. They need to talk to her and find out who showed her, or told her, or who's put these ideas in her head.

On one hand, they may be shocked and tackle it.

On the other, they might laugh and say "oh yeah, kids will be kids, ha ha, we watch 18 movies all the time, right?" and then you'll know not to send your kids round again.

Scrumptiousbears Mon 06-Feb-17 20:51:19

I agree speak to the friends parents.

Are they the sort to just be clueless about internet access or the sort that wouldn't care?

From another thread on here I think NSPCC may have advice in this circumstance.

ScarlettFreestone Mon 06-Feb-17 20:51:40

Phone the other Mother immediately- I don't understand how you can "not know what to do"?

thefourgp Mon 06-Feb-17 20:51:42

Ask them if they have any questions about what they saw. It's good that they told you about it. Also have a word with the other kids parents.

ILoveDolly Mon 06-Feb-17 20:52:03

I would be upset. It's not ok! Speak to the parents asap

Justalittlelemondrizzle Mon 06-Feb-17 20:52:29

I feel like my dd's are scared for life or this will mess them up in some way. They're so innocent. They had no clue about anything like that. Which is why they told me. They were confused and asked me what it was about.
I have spoken to the parents who have decided it was found by accident...

HughJarss Mon 06-Feb-17 20:52:34

I agree it's good that they told you. Definitely speak to the parents immediately.

DJBaggySmalls Mon 06-Feb-17 20:53:20

I explained to the DC's that there are things they could see that are upsetting, and I fix the settings so they dont have to look at them or worry about it. They were a bit curious, but the first time they were shown something like that they got it straight away.
It worked in our favour because they trusted me more afterwards. Try telling them a version of that. You are not there to spoil their fun, the rules are there to protect them.

TheBogQueen Mon 06-Feb-17 20:53:49

Yes you need to tell the child's parents.
Just be matter of fact. Suggest also you thank your children fir telling you, ask them if they have any questions and make sure they know you won't be angry if something similar happens again.

Bluntness100 Mon 06-Feb-17 20:55:03

How can a nine year old find porn by accident? 🙄

Justalittlelemondrizzle Mon 06-Feb-17 20:56:20

Exactly blunt. This was no accident!

BathshebaDarkstone Mon 06-Feb-17 21:00:31

I'd have no idea how to tackle this.

Justalittlelemondrizzle Mon 06-Feb-17 21:01:30

I am so angry! It's been one thing after another with this girl and now this!

HighwayDragon1 Mon 06-Feb-17 21:01:42

So your children go to the same school? You need to raise it with the safeguarding lead at their school, this is not right and may indicate a more serious problem.

harderandharder2breathe Mon 06-Feb-17 21:05:34

When we were that age it was looking up rude words in the dictionary so I see why children look up such things online but obviously that can be far more harmful than a boring dictionary definition

Speak to the child's parents. Some people are just not internet savvy at all and don't realise about parental controls and monitoring what their child views.

I can't imagine many parents of children that age knowingly allowing them to view things like that. But the child could've heard a word or seen something and been curious and searched online...

Maudlinmaud Mon 06-Feb-17 21:06:03

I'm not surprised you're upset and annoyed.
I would phone school in the am, perhaps a chat about online nasties is needed.

Magicpaintbrush Mon 06-Feb-17 21:06:39

I also am puzzled as to how a 9 yr old could stumble across porn by accident. Maybe one of the parents had been watching it and forgot to delete the tab or the history? Sometimes if you type something in a search bar the last five things you searched for pop up in a list below, maybe the child clicked on a page that had previously been viewed by an adult? I would be really upset by this too OP. Innocence is precious.

samlovesdilys Mon 06-Feb-17 21:08:14

I agree you need to tell school, safeguarding issues, warn there could be questions/conversations they need to deal with, opportunity for an e-safety lesson?? Well done to your kids for telling you...

Bluntness100 Mon 06-Feb-17 21:08:35

I'd also tell the school, I'd be concerned also about a safe guarding issue for the child who showed,

If someone had phoned me when my daughter was nine and said she'd been showing other kids porn I'd be very very concerned indeed. I wouldn't play it off as an accident. The fact they did is concerning.

BurningBridges Mon 06-Feb-17 21:08:49

This happened to me, a girl aged 10 showed my DD then aged 8 and it wasn't an accident, it was a deliberate google. My DD was affected by it, but it was more the way the other girl the 10 year old behaved to be honest, that was the sinister bit. sadly she still lives 2 doors away from us. They went to the same school and I took advice from the NSPCC.

Can I just say now, some children can process this sort of shock and move on, and others can't. My DD had to see a psychologist. Please lets not have people on here again saying that seeing people having sex isn't the worst thing hey its all natural. You literally have no idea.

hoddtastic Mon 06-Feb-17 21:09:01

yes, i wouldn't be telling the parents it'd go to school to safeguarding board

Trifleorbust Mon 06-Feb-17 21:09:08

Someone has shown her how to find this. Parental controls have not been put in place. Quite honestly, I would be apoplectic and wouldn't let my child go there again.

Kahlua4me Mon 06-Feb-17 21:09:12

My dd is 10 and in year 6. She wasn't involved but some of her friends were shown some porn when they went on a play date with another friend.

Apparently the other friend was looking up sex the week before, as they were covering it and school, and came across lots on Google. She uses her mums tablet every morning to play games whilst everyone is getting ready for school and her mum had no idea at all.

It all came to light when one of them told her mum when she got home. It was all very difficult for a while and I was involved loved when other friends mum came to see me to ask what she's hold do. School were involved etc.

That was a few months ago and all is now settled and none of them seem traumatised or changed because of it.

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