DH never listening - in this case shopping

[Hrre]

DH was WFH today I was in the office 9-630. He has good intentions and asked me over text what to get for dinner. I always cook as I enjoy it and he doesn't. I asked him to get some veg etc and one thing (about 4 things in total) was stalk stir fry strips. I specifically said get the stuff that's cut into strips as its the right size to cook etc.

When I got home he had a packet of beef brisket labelled "slow cook". I said "why did you buy this?" He said the supermarket doesn't sell stir fry steak and I said well I've had it from them before.

I started trying to cut up the brisket and it was all sinewy and fatty (as brisket is) and was trying to take the layer of fat off. He has now gone back to the supermarket to get what I originally asked for but is being huffy and making me feel guilty about it. I told him not to bother but he still went.

AIBU to make a bit of a fuss about the meat? It just irritates me that he asks what we need then doesn't get it. One of the other things was wrong as well.

[luckylucky24]

Well he chose to go back but I do try not to be so obviously pissed off when DH has done me a favour. IT is hard though. Often he will say what drink do you want and I will say "a fruit cider, any but bulmers, I don't like them"...he gets me bulmers!

[Boosiehs]

How has he done her a favour? They are sharing tasks by splitting shopping and cooking but he bought the wrong thing for an after work dinner. It's his fault and he shouldn't be huffy.

[CrohnicallyPregnant]

YANBU. It was even via text, so he had the text to refer to and no excuse for getting it wrong.

As for 'he did you a favour'? It would only be a favour if it wasn't for his benefit as well. How about you did him a favour by still cooking even after a long day at work when he has been WFH- in those circumstances my DH would have cooked.

[ToastyFingers]

I hate this, he couldn't phone from the supermarket, or ask a member of staff for help or even buy something other than the furthest from appropriate beef product.

Is he generally clueless or is this some sort of protest about having to share domestic chores?

[harderandharder2breathe]

Yanbu, it's not about a favour, it's about sharing the labour, he shops you cook.

If I couldn't get stir fry steak I'd get quick fry steak that I could cut up or else chicken that could be stir fried instead, I wouldn't get a big lump of beef!

[jcne]

yanbu

honestly, it's more trouble than it's worth.. i put shreddies on the list and my bf has come home with the tiny box that probably cost twice as much, and a load of other random stuff ⁉️⁉️⁉️

[Hrre]

Thanks everyone I'm glad it's not just me then- I know it was an innocent mistake but I don't see how if he asks for what we need he then can't follow he list! It was a big lump of fatty neck beef- not at all suitable.

[Chloe84]

Well he chose to go back but I do try not to be so obviously pissed off when DH has done me a favour.

As Boosieh said, how is it a favour? OP is supposed to work till 6.30, then go shopping, then go home and cook, whilst DH is WFH?

[chitofftheshovel]

Oh dear, he tucked up.
Hope the brisket is in the slow cooker/ready for some coolish heat tomorrow.

[chitofftheshovel]

No. No he didn't. He fucked up.
Unless the brisket is tucked up in bed, that would be odd.

[PickAChew]

They ight have sold out of the strips.

If he doesn't cook or only cooks very basic stuff, then he probably doesn't have the first clue that brisket is a slow cook cut of beef. If you're giving shopping instructions to a non-cooker then you specify an alternative eg "frying steak" or "rump steak".

My shopping lists for DH often contain words like "no fucking kale please and thank you!!!"

[nancy75]

Dp went to the shop on Sunday to get a particular chicken thing they have, soon after arrival he phoned to say they do t have it ( this is a long running joke because whenever he goes to the shop they apparently don't have what I asked for) this time, in order to prove I should believe him and he does look properly he took a photo of the shelf. He got home, all proud of himself with his photo - until I looked at the pic and pointed out the 12 packets of the stuff I had asked for right in the middle of the flaming picture

[Topseyt]

A favour is something that is helpful to someone. It isn't helpful if he doesn't even try to get the right thing.

My DH used to be terrible for this sort of thing, but thankfully had improved enormously over the years.

I remember many years ago before we were married we were going to have Sunday lunch with his parents. We decided to go and get some bits and bobs from the supermarket. His mum asked if we could get some mushrooms. By the time we got to the supermarket it was a good thing I had gone with DH because by the time we got there he was convinced she had asked him to get coffee!! Because of course mushrooms and coffee are so similar,don't you know!? A mistake anyone could make (not).

We got the mushrooms. Disaster averted. His mum would have probably tipped the coffee all over him if he had gone home with that, as would I.

[Naicehamshop]

They both have to eat, don't they? How is buying food (for both of them) doing the op a favour??

[gluteustothemaximus]

DH does this all the time.

I ask for chopped tomatoes, he comes back with plum.

I ask for coconut milk, he buys creamed coconut block.

I ask for pineapple chunks in juice, he gets the one in syrup.

Once I asked for chicken breasts, and he came back with turkey breasts as they were on offer. Turkey tikka masala anyone?!

He gets very stressed when he gets it wrong.

Thinking of sending Tesco a photo fit of DH when he goes in so they can either assist him, or ban him (if he's there on one of his random trips)

[Joanna0685]

online shopping?

[PickAChew]

Hell, yeah - if the lack of understanding is that bad then you need to be more organised than deciding on a meal on the day! And not give the misunderstanding partner a say in the food you're cooking!

DH at least understands when I say things like " the salad I made with the raw beetrot you bought really is delicious but it took me over an hour to make an I had to stop cooking while DS2 did a shit on the landing..."

[Kiwiinkits]

If he has good intentions then try not to sweat the small stuff. Cheese on toast tonight. Brisket in the slow cooker for dinner tomorrow.

[NomNomNominativeDeterminism]

It's small stuff when it happens once or twice. But when it's 'never listens' it's more of a 'I can't be bothered to get it right and you'll sort it out anyway'. If you are choosing a replacement for the thing you can't get, why would you not look to see how to cook it and think about whether it's suitable? Or ask?

[JessieMcJessie]

Is he really so clueless about cooking that he doesn't know that brisket is utterly unsuitable for stir fry and will take hours to cook? Smacks of someone used to being served on hand and foot. Perhaps a good opportunity to teach him sons long overdue basics..

[bloodyteenagers]

It's about time he started cooking. So what he doesn't like cooking. He enjoys eating. He needs to cook to eat.
Then present him with exactly what he bought and tell him you want a stir fry.

These "grown men" manage to function at work. Manage to function to organise their own leisure time. Manage to function enough to buy the things they like. But ask them to do some simple shopping and they become clueless. Bollocks. They are
Doing it so eventually you will stop asking them.

[Sikkinis]

I had a partner who used to do this all the time, I used to think he was just dozy, but actually I think it was that he didn't care, mixed with a bit of 'I know best' attitude

However when it did happen, if it was crucial to the recipe or what not, I would say "thank you for getting this, but could you nip back as you've actually got the wrong thing"

YANBU

[Hrre]

I'm glad I'm not BU I thought some people may say "you should have just cooked it with brisket!" And for those saying "is he really so clueless about cooking" the answer is unfortunately yes. Maybe sending him back every time he gets it wrong is the best way.