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godparent related

(17 Posts)
peppatax Mon 06-Feb-17 19:19:36

Will summarise but long back story and very identifying!

Sis & BIL have asked XH to be DN's godfather and obviously invited him to the christening. Christening will be attended by a large number of family who have largely not communicated with me in the 2 years since XH and I split (I initiated it). I know during this time they have been in contact with XH. Was NC with Sis & BIL until 3-4 months ago for same reason and has been hard work getting back to having any sort of relationship. I'm now PG with DP's baby, who is not invited but that wasn't an issue until I heard about the godparents.

It's XH weekend to have our DD so now I have to go to christening alone and PG with my NC family there, as DD will go with XH and they'll all play happy families.

AIBU to consider attending church then having DP pick me up to go home and cry and not attend the niceties after where if I fail to hide the fact I'm 6m PG I will no doubt be told I'm being insensitive to XH whom I left?

They did ask if it was okay but I didn't say an outright no as then IABU so I made it quite clear that I thought it was innapropriate and that clearly didn't sink in.

heateallthebuns Mon 06-Feb-17 19:22:04

But confused why your family stayed in contact with xh not you?

Theyhaveallbeenused2 Mon 06-Feb-17 19:24:10

Also confused to as why they are still in contact with exh and not you.. but I would be inclined to leave after church and leave them to it

peppatax Mon 06-Feb-17 19:26:09

I left him - DP was known to me while I was married so when family found out we were together they (wrongly) assumed we'd been having an affair. XH and I are on good terms though as painful split but right decision.

picklemepopcorn Mon 06-Feb-17 19:26:34

You are quite likely to be poorly and need to be collected. You may even have to pull out on the day. wink

heateallthebuns Mon 06-Feb-17 19:27:34

Even so still odd for them to pick xh as a god parent imo. And to go nc with you.

So ya

puglife15 Mon 06-Feb-17 19:28:00

It really depends. If you have a volatile relationship with xh, if he abused you, if your family is abusive or equally horrible towards you, then I think YANBU.

But it sounds like they're quite considerate, they asked you if it was ok, they are clearly still close friends with xh - yes it's awkward but for the sake of your family I suggest you suck it up for your DN

Maybe tell xh you're pregnant beforehand if he's not a dick? Otherwise it's not a nice way to find out.

heateallthebuns Mon 06-Feb-17 19:28:07

Sorry so yeah I would only go to church as well if that's what you feel comfortable with.

peppatax Mon 06-Feb-17 19:31:15

pickle grin

XH knows and although difficult news to take I'm sure he has been supportive for our DDs sake - just my family that won't allow me to take any sort of pleasure in sharing the fact I'm excited about my baby with him there

puglife15 Mon 06-Feb-17 19:32:33

I think YANBU in that case.

You're not going alone, your daughter and sister will be there and you say you aren't NC with the whole family and have a civil relationship with your ex?

Just go for an hour and make nice.

puglife15 Mon 06-Feb-17 19:33:01

I mean YABU!

peppatax Mon 06-Feb-17 19:33:26

puglife there's no terrible abuse but I've had MH issues the last year or so and they only came back on the scene when they found out the extent, so that's something I struggle with accepting. They hate DP so I also struggle with the argument they are in contact with XH as 'he's my DDs father' as I have another baby coming and they do not welcome DP or haven't welcomed him at all

puglife15 Mon 06-Feb-17 19:34:31

How long have you been with DP?

puglife15 Mon 06-Feb-17 19:35:01

Why are they so against him??

peppatax Mon 06-Feb-17 19:40:38

So been with him about 18 months so pretty quick turnaround I know that doesn't help. We have an up and down relationship but a lot of it is to do with the stress we've been through in last 18 months! He's a bit different to XH personality wise - who without going into too much detail to prove otherwise - my family see as can do no wrong

peppatax Mon 06-Feb-17 19:42:36

When he has been invited to the odd occasion he's turned up, brought a contribution and been pleasant so he's not done anything to them as such to justify his exclusion (aside from what I've said, often in times of MH issues, which is often unjustified)

Ilovecaindingle Mon 06-Feb-17 20:06:51

If it was me I would miss the event altogether and do something nice with dp - like a 'celebrate your bump day' . . Be proud of your new life and leave the rest of them to it.

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