To ask of the most embarrassing thing your children have done/said

[pinkiepie1]

So few hours ago started a thread about embarrassing stories with in laws and they made me laugh so thought I'd see if anyone had any funny/embarrassing stories about their children?

My dd is 3 and im expecting again soon so we went through the whole 'where babies come from'.
She was happy with what I told her and she didn't mention it again.
So went to see Fil and she went straight upto him and said mummy is going to poo out a baby...
We all laughed and it was fine, it was more embarrassing when she told the whole school playground with parents and teachers there and the postman on the way home from school.

[MrsHathaway]

I was walking the DC home from school/preschool when DC1, then 5, asked in all innocence and of course with the clarity and volume of a headteacher at sports day:

"Mummy, what does fuck off mean?"

[Sirzy]

Sat with ds in a hospital waiting room that lead towards the scanners, very poorly man wheeled through the department "mummy I think that man is dead. If he isn't he will be soon"

[Supercee7]

DS said "that lady had a fat tummy" the other day. I hoped she hadn't heard but he then said it a further 3 times despite my protests and eventually resorting to putting my had over his mouth which he found hilarious of course and by the end he was shrieking with laughter. I was mortified.

[Wadingthrutreacle]

Sat in public toilet cubicle with loads of people coming in and out of the toilets. Had DD2 with me in cubicle. DD2 says in loud voice, "poo mummy, mummy do poo, mummy stink", and repeated it, as I used the loo. Cue tumbleweed moment in the toilets. Literally nobody moved outside. Barely braved it to leave the cubicle. I might have waited til it was empty

[pinkiepie1]

Thanks for the replies.
Lmao!!!! Kids really do say the funniest/embarrassing things. Getting a few funny looks off of dh for laughing out loud at my phone.

[AstridPeth]

I have loads. Dh (known for his practical jokes) once got my then 2 year old Dd to run up the shopping aisle (which I was at the other end of) with a pack of tampons in her hand shouting loudly "mummy need tampons"!
Or the time in church when it was really quite as people were praying and Dd looks at me and says "mummy bogie" loud enough for several people to hear. I tried to ignore her so she said it again louder. She then looked down the row of chairs where Nanny was sitting and Shouted at the top of her voice "Nanny bogie! "
Or the time my then 8 year old Dd pointed to a random stranger in the street and repeatedly shouted over and over again. "That man's going to die mummy, he is going to die. He is smoking and he is going to die!" I wanted a hole to open up in the ground and swallow me up.
Same Dd was talking to an old lady who has a low voice and whiskers when she looked at her strangely and said "you look like a woman" she thought she was a man.
Again same dd , when she was in reception and we were at school waiting for parents evening. They were running late so there were lots of parents about when she announced loudly to everyone "this is my baby brother and he drinks milk...from my mummy's boobies!"
My children are quite fond of embarrasing me in public.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

DS1 (3yo) said 'That lady's VERY FAT' in Sainsburys at point-blank range. No way she didn't hear him. I hussled him out of there and gave him hell.

I did NOT find it funny.

[Haffdonga]

At the till in Sainsbury's very loudly indicating the cashier Mummy, is that a man or a lady?

I wasn't sure

[Lilybensmum1]

Queuing to get a parking ticket behind a man when my ds then 4 looked at the man and said are you a man or a woman??? I just stood open mouthed and said I am so sorry to which the man replied 'well I was a man when I checked this morning'

When we left I said to my son why did you ask that man (who had a moustache!!!) if he was a man or a woman, he said because women have moustaches.

[brokenbone]

When DS was 3 on a very crowded bus going home, smelly man sat next to us. Could see DSs nose twitching and his little brain whirring. Next thing "mummy what's that smell?" Shhhhh darling it doesn't matter "mummy I can smell something, it's that man, he smells". Rang the bell and scarpered 3 stops before home. Same DS just before starting school at docs for preschool jabs. Poor student nurse did 1st lot in left arm, cue lots of tears and screaming from DS, me pinning him to the floor and demanding poor nurse did 2nd lot which she did. DS stood, punched her in the face and ran. Never seen the nurse again.

[mycatwantstokillme1]

The ONLY time i've ever had piles my aspergers son was about 6 years old. We went to Boots & I bought some Anusol - I don't usually get embarrased by bodily things but I was about this. We got outside & I put my Boots bag on a bench while I sorted myself out. s I put the bag down some of my stuff tipped out, of course one of those things had to be the Anusol. It landed at the feet of someone else also on the bench - a drop dead gorgeous bloke. He looked down at it and before he could say anything my son picked it up, handed it back to me and said to the bloke in a very loud voice, 'Oh, you're a handsome man, would you like to marry my mummy?' The bloke looked at him handing me the fucking anusol and his face was a picture. I legged it (and almost left my DS behind)

[Waffles80]

I once loudly asked at a family gathering - in front of Aunt Elizabeth:

"Mummy, why has Aunt Elizabeth got a moustache?"

I was about four.

My children are yet to out-do me.

[Claireshh]

We were in Wholefoods. My son got wedged against a newspaper stand by a rather large lady. He promises he said excuse me but she didn't hear him. He smacked her arse.

She did not see the funny side 😬

[Ginger4justice]

"Mummy, what did it feel like when Daddy put his sperm in you" - DD 3ish over the bacon in a supermarket.
And when she was learning the difference between girls and boys she pointed at what felt like every person and said what she thought they had. E.g. "So that ladies got a 'gina".
She's better now she's older.

[Jensonacklespenlid]

Middle of my ex father in law's funeral, my 3yr old came out with at the top of her lungs oh mummy! I've sat on grandad!! She had sat on the order of service that had his picture on the front! I wanted the ground to open up while even the vicar was struggling to keep a straight face

[Harveypuss]

My Mum told me that when I was little she was in a supermarket with me, queuing at the checkout and the lady in front of us had a port-wine birthmark on the back of her legs, which was visible below her skirt.

Apparently I said in a really loud voice "Mum, that lady in front has wet her tights"

She says she was mortified and couldn't get out of the shop fast enough!

[Salumeria]

In a changing cubicle at the local leisure centre, toddler DD chose the moment when I was in just my knickers to open the cubicle door and sprint straight towards the pool. I had to run out after her topless, in full view of everyone in the pool.

[Jaagojaago]

Me (3 years old), mum and my dad's parents gathered for some lunch.

I declare: Grandad, you know something, mum always mimics you and calls you names when dad comes back from work.

[malika54]

With DS, discussing rude words and their meaning. I tell him that shit means poo. The next day, he turns round to me and says: 'you know you said shit means poo? What does fuck mean?'

[CigarsofthePharoahs]

Lots of things. Ds2 learning to say dinosaur and failing. At first it was just 'hooooor' then it became 'Daddy hooor'. 'Me like Daddy whores!' Argh. Ds1 has shouted 'Daddy!' at some random man on a bicycle who nearly fell off and 'Cow!' at a woman walking a dog because at the time all 4 legged animals were cows to him. His crowning achievements at mortification were at our church, on one occasion he found a sanitary towel in my bag and started waving it about. On another occasion we had a guest speaker who was getting rather expressive and was almost shouting 'Do you want the grace of God? Do you? Do you want it?' Only for ds to shout out quite loudly in the sudden quiet - 'Well I don't want it. I really don't.' Took a while to shut him up!

[suzuki650]

My darling 3 year old in a public loo with me "mummy, are you doing a wee? Or a real poo or a pretend poo?" Honestly you could have heard a pin drop then the sniggering started to me loudly replying "just a wee, are you sure you don't need to go?" As I legged it then there was the day he told nursery that I didn't feed him the day before. I did have to tell him that he's missed out the part of the story where he'd been too busy having a tantrum & kicking me that I didn't give him his lolly pop He had been fed but apparently only Lilly's are real food.....

[Juveniledelinquent]

I was sitting on the bus with DS, aged four, when he suddenly announced in a loud clear voice, that he had a bone in his penis.

[suzuki650]

Lolly's not Lilly's. Oh & when he was trying to say peacock last year it always came out as "big cock" so we'd be stomping round the county park with him shouting "mummy another big cock! Whys that one blue & that one white?" (One was albino peacock & the rest blue)

[Juveniledelinquent]

Salumeria

[MrsDc7]

Omg Ginger I actually nearly died choking on my wine at that! Mummy, what did it feel like when daddy put his sperm in you?? HAHAHA