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Or is dh?

(25 Posts)
SugarTips Mon 06-Feb-17 12:10:26

I realise this is a first world problem as it is about holidays, and it will make me sound spoiled. It is a question of family ethics.

We are already booked to go away later in the year with my inlaws.

We are also hoping to go away in Easter hols with my dm and her dp and looking for a holiday around bank holiday dates which is proving tricky. Dm is desperate to come with us but dh doesn't want to go to same place as she wants. Have tried to look for other destinations but it is limited everywhere.

Dh now thinks we should just do our own thing, but I feel I can't just ditch dm after we have committed to going away with them.

Who is being unreasonable?

LucyFuckingPevensie Mon 06-Feb-17 12:14:46

Why doesn't DH want to go where DM wants to go ?
Tbh I think when going on holiday as part of a group there has to be a lot of compromises.
Can't he take one for the team this time and have more choice next year when destinations are not so limited ?
I wouldn't ditch my Mum either.

LucyFuckingPevensie Mon 06-Feb-17 12:15:27

Also, how much choice did you have with the holiday with the in laws ?

SugarTips Mon 06-Feb-17 12:18:44

We have been with inlaws regularly to a place we all enjoy.

Dm suggested somewhere and dh wanted to go somewhere else that is way more expensive and above dm budget. Dh thinks it makes more sense to do our own thing. When I said I didn't want to ditch dm, he said i shouldn't always hang about for my mother!

StrawberryShortcake32 Mon 06-Feb-17 12:22:57

If you have already told her she can come it seems a bit mean to ditch her now.
Perhaps you can sit down with them all, go through some holiday websites together and come to some kind of compromise? Maybe make an evening of it with wine and nibbles to make it fun?

TheStoic Mon 06-Feb-17 12:23:07

So you're going away with his family, but he won't go away with yours?

How can he possibly make that seem reasonable?

BreatheDeep Mon 06-Feb-17 12:25:36

He's unreasonable. I don't understand why he thinks that's OK. You're going with his parents so he should be happy to go with yours.

Dulra Mon 06-Feb-17 12:30:12

He is Unreasonable from the sounds of it you go away a lot with his family your dm would also like to holiday with you so he needs to compromise. Christ you have by holidaying with your in laws so much! Bit selfish and mean to ditch her because she can't afford his destination, if he wants to go there that much pay the difference so she can go. I'd be fuming if my dh treated my mum that way.

Mummyoflittledragon Mon 06-Feb-17 12:53:43

Sounds pretty shit of him. I'd be pretty cross. Either do what was planned or pay the extra for dm and her partner.

Pettywoman Mon 06-Feb-17 12:57:48

Go with your mum and let your husband stay at home. He's being unreasonable and sounds like he just doesn't want to go away with his mil.

TheNaze73 Mon 06-Feb-17 13:02:55

I'm with petty Just go with your Mum. Everyone's a winner then

NoCleanClothes Mon 06-Feb-17 13:20:01

I think it depends - did DH get a say in going away with your DM? How often do you get to go away on holiday? If it's a rare event I can understand him wanting it to be just family. That said now you're committed to going away with DM you do need to find a destination everyone's happy with. Why is DM unhappy with DH's choices of destinations and vice versa? Difficult to know whose being unreasonable.

confusedat23 Mon 06-Feb-17 13:22:27

To be honest OP I would go with DM and leave the grumpy DH at home!

If he doesn't want to go he will be miserable even if he did come with you

tangerino Mon 06-Feb-17 13:25:58

Can I suggest you're both being a bit unreasonable? I don't blame your husband for wanting some say over where he goes on holiday. I don't blame you for not wanting to dump your mother. Maybe compromise this time but then stop going on holiday with your mum and in-laws and do your own thing for a bit. It would do my head in to always go on holiday with wider family.

CMamaof4 Mon 06-Feb-17 13:28:56

It seems mean to ditch her after already saying you would go away with her.
There are so many places you can go on holiday to in the world im sure they could find somewhere they both like.

Allthebestnamesareused Mon 06-Feb-17 13:30:53

Where are the 2 places and perhaps we can come up with similar suggestions to DH's choice but that you could do on DM's budget.

If he still says no then you'd know why!

SugarTips Mon 06-Feb-17 13:49:55

Dm wants Jamaica but Dh against it. He wants to go to Mexico but dm went there last year.

Wherever we go it would be nice if he could do some diving.

Just to throw spanner in works, I am ttc so Zika virus needs to be considered!

tangerino Mon 06-Feb-17 13:53:10

Go to Barbados.

maras2 Mon 06-Feb-17 13:54:56

Zika virus is active below 6,500 feet in all Mexico.

shovetheholly Mon 06-Feb-17 13:55:46

Is Mexico really that much pricier than Jamaica? I wouldn't have thought there was that much in it cost-wise?

What about arranging your own flights and booking an Airbnb? For extended groups it can be really cheap!

Neither Jamaica nor Mexico are good options if you are worried about Zika
wwwnc.cdc.gov/travel/notices/alert/zika-virus-mexico

wwwnc.cdc.gov/travel/notices/alert/zika-virus-jamaica

RhiWrites Mon 06-Feb-17 14:16:37

Barbados is brilliant but super hot.

Another much cheaper option is Rhodes, lovely diving, beautiful island.

Your DP is being unreasonable trying to ditch your DM when you've planned a whole holiday with the in laws. She would be incredibly hurt. Tell him it's not fair to prioritise his family over yours.

Allthebestnamesareused Mon 06-Feb-17 15:06:37

We have travelled quite a bit and went to Mexico last year - I won't be going back in a hurry!

How about Antigua? Easter is non hurricane season and also has a direct flight. There are places to fit all budgets there too.

Easter - Cape Verde would be nice and warm and you might be more likely to get in there as some Caribbean places will more than likely be booked for Easter already.

Budget wise we went away for 2 weeks at Christmas to Thailand for under £5000 for 3 of us.

EmeraldScorn Mon 06-Feb-17 15:49:46

Typical on here, the husband having no issues when it comes to holidaying with his own family but finding a problem when it involves the wife's side.

If you cancel your holiday with your mother for your husband's sake, you'll also have to cancel the holiday with your in laws!!

I would be going on holiday with my mother regardless of husband's opinion, go without him.

Iflyaway Mon 06-Feb-17 15:57:09

Oh, I'd be going to Jamaica with my mum, and leave grumpy husband at home.

I LOVE Jamaica! grin. Been over 15 times and never had a problem there. (And no, I don't do gated community hotels).

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