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AIBU?

grandparents visit

18 replies

coffeetasteslikeshit · 06/02/2017 11:49

I don't think I'm being unreasonable, but I struggle with boundaries with my parents so I want to check what other people think.

My parents are going away on Thursday for 2 weeks and asked me to bring my DC to see them at the weekend (for background, my parents have told me in the past that it is my job as a parent to bring the children to see the grandparents).

The DC were out from 12.30pm on Saturday until 1.30pm on Sunday at a sleepover, so we planned to take them on Sunday afternoon. Just after lunch on Sunday I got a text from my dad saying that they were going out, so we didn't have time to go and see them.

I was a bit miffed as I had planned our afternoon around visiting them, but no biggy really, and I just replied with 'ok, we'll see you another day then'.

Roll on to this morning and my dad has said that he'd like to see them after school one day before they go. So, am I being unreasonable to ask my parents to come to our house (3 miles away) to see the DC as otherwise I won't have a chance to cook a home cooked meal for tea (because of club timings and my work)?

I know that my mum will spin this, as 'we're going away for 2 weeks and Coffee won't bring the DC to see us before we go' but am I really being unreasonable?

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Toast3 · 06/02/2017 11:51

I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask them to come to you. Maybe invite them to join you for dinner? I think that would be a lovely gesture - good luck!

xStefx · 06/02/2017 11:51

I would pick your argument for a better situation. Just take the kids to see them for a quick hour, explain its a school night blah blah and that you cant stay long ... parents are sometimes awkward lol

Ilovecaindingle · 06/02/2017 11:52

Are they retired? If so then it's nbu to expect them to come to you. . Maybe suggest taking turns with the visits from now on? It's not your duty to go to them. That's just them wishful thinking. . And lazy imo.

xStefx · 06/02/2017 11:52

Yes or ask them to come for dinner and say you'll cook a "going away" dinner they cant accuse you of being lazy then lol .. if you go to them though you can be out of there in an hour lol

SingingInTheRainstorm · 06/02/2017 11:53

I would try and say to your Dad, I'm really sorry to be a pain but the kids have clubs, I've got to get dinner sorted, would you mind coming round? Otherwise I really don't know which day is best as its so hectic. We had planned and were ready for yesterday, but understandably you went out. I know you prefer us to come to you, but could you make an exception this once please?

Hopefully they'll say fine.

StrawberryShortcake32 · 06/02/2017 11:54

Not at all.
Especially with next to no notice being given.
You had allocated time to go see them and they decided to go out instead. It seems a bit crappy to complain that you hadn't dropped everything for them at the last minute when they couldn't drop everything for something that was planned. Did they know you were coming on the Sunday afternoon?
X

coffeetasteslikeshit · 06/02/2017 12:02

Good idea! I'll invite them for tea one night. I'm 99% sure they'll say no, but at least no one can accuse me of not trying.

Thanks for the reassurance too.

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gotthemoononastick · 06/02/2017 13:06

Just Skype 'bye bye'Op!

coffeetasteslikeshit · 06/02/2017 13:20

Well, I spoke to them as advised and... they're coming for tea on Wednesday! I'm amazed and pleased. Thanks for your help mumsnetters!

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Hissy · 06/02/2017 13:21

my parents have told me in the past that it is my job as a parent to bring the children to see the grandparents

Job? I'd suggest you resign from this JOB, as it's one sided...

Invite them over and if they come, great, if not, up to them. You have more things to organise than they do. Normal families pop over and see each other.

Hissy · 06/02/2017 13:22

x-post :)

Sounds like you need to be a little more assertive and confident in what you are doing and why.

xStefx · 06/02/2017 13:42

Brilliant :-)

coffeetasteslikeshit · 06/02/2017 14:21

Hissy I definitely do! I'm so much better since having therapy last year, but sometimes I'm still not sure who is being the unreasonable one.

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WorkAccount · 06/02/2017 14:30

they are going away for 2 whole weeks and are making all this fuss??????
tell them to fuck off

coffeetasteslikeshit · 06/02/2017 14:54

Tempting WorkAccount

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Mumoftwoyoungkids · 06/02/2017 16:29

I think you made a typo. You wrote that they are going away for two weeks. Did you mean two months or two years?

My parents are on holiday for two weeks at the moment. They sent an email the night before entitled "Off tomorrow!" with the flight and hotel details (presumably in case you plane crashes ) and off they toddled.

The last 6 times we have seen each other they have done the travelling 5 times and us one. This is because they have a very relaxed timetable and we have a very busy one.

Ohyesiam · 06/02/2017 16:32

There is obvs a backstory here ( which I can relate too), and you are being very reasonable. I think you can go with " if it feels, irritating, don't go with it ", and if you are occasionally unreasonable, well that's ok, we are all human. Being too reasonable is the downfall of people who can see the other's point of view.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 06/02/2017 18:16

mumoftwo thank you, that made me laugh!

ohyesiam I think you must know me because you've hit the nail on the head there. I tie myself in knots trying to be reasonable while forgetting that my parents aren't doing the same.

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