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DH birthday ignored by my sister

(64 Posts)
mumontherun14 Mon 06-Feb-17 10:29:33

This might not sound like a huge deal in the grand scheme of things but just looking for a wee bit of perspective. It was my DH birthday on Friday. My sister has previous form for forgetting both me and DH birthdays in the past and turning up on the day with no card and not acknowledging the fact that its our birthdays. She is very generous with our DC and never forgets them so I tend to just let it go. My mum is not very well and it is just me and my sister who live locally and so I do make a fuss of all the family birthdays adults and kids alike and am always happy to host for parties or cake etc. She doesn't have children so we always make a fuss for her and her husbands birthday and would never let them go past without visiting them. In the past she has made a few comments to me about her in-laws forgetting her birthday and how hurtful she found it. She has done the same now to me for the past 2 years and now my husband too for the past 2 years. We were out together last night with my parents for dinner so she had ample time to at least produce a card for DH - He wasn't bothered but I felt it was a bit rude. It's shortly going to be my sister in laws birthday down south and I know she will make an effort for that and send a card so I am a little annoyed she hasn't bothered with my DH. Do I mention anything....and if so what should I say? Or should I just let it go.... She can be a bit touchy and is having a rubbish time at work at the moment and our relationship can be tricky -we don't always agree on the same things but I would say we are on friendly terms without being super close if you know what I mean -we see each other at least once a week. Thanks xxxx

user892 Mon 06-Feb-17 11:25:17

My sister has previous form for forgetting both me and DH birthdays in the past

You'll have to give her a reminder a few days before, in the future. If you know she loves you then try not to take it personally. We just do FB wall posts to our respective DPs! x

user892 Mon 06-Feb-17 11:25:49

and let it go this time.

NarkyMcDinkyChops Mon 06-Feb-17 11:27:19

I wouldn't dream of mentioning it. Cards or gifts for birthdays may be nice to recieve but they are by no means compulsory, nobody is obligated to give anything.

19lottie82 Mon 06-Feb-17 11:29:11


Your sister is very generous with your DC's? That's lovely and you should be happy they have a great auntie.

She didn't send your husband a birthday card.

Your husband doesn't even care.

But you are annoyed?

In the nicest possible way.......... GET A GRIP! It's only a birthday card. You're adults, it's not a big deal. Seriously.

MorrisZapp Mon 06-Feb-17 11:30:49

I could not tell you which month my two brothers in law have their birthdays in. Is your husband hurt that she didn't give him a card?

boolifooli Mon 06-Feb-17 11:31:16

Small fry. It's a pice of card. It's not the sum worth of your relationship. If you pull her up she may start sending one and then you're getting it because you told her to get it. I think you need to accept it's not a slight on you.

TheStoic Mon 06-Feb-17 11:32:17

I have no idea when my sibling's partner's birthdays are, and they would not know mine.

Acknowledging birthdays is important to you, and that's absolutely fine. But you can't hold everyone else to your standards.

Either give and celebrate graciously with no expectation of it being reciprocated, or stop acknowledging her/her partner's birthday.

BastardBloodAndSand Mon 06-Feb-17 11:34:31

My sister doesn't have children so we buy her and her husband birthday presents. They don't reciprocate and I don't buy presents for my other sister or brother as we buy for their children. Most my friends do similar tbh.

Rugbyplayersarehot Mon 06-Feb-17 11:35:55

Gosh we don't bother with family sibling birthdays of adults. Far too many of us. We don't do presents either or for Christmas. Life too short. Quick text or FB post.

She buys for your kids which is what most adults do isn't it? I would stop giving her and her dh cards and presents and don't expect any back.

A card really is a bloody waste of money and resources anyway.

LineysRun Mon 06-Feb-17 11:42:27

If someone visited me, an adult, just because it was my birthday, I'd feel really awkward. Birthday fuss for adults just seems a bit inappropriate to me.

But I'm a spartan type.

And your sister's probably fucked off with her in-laws for more that just forgetting to give her a birthday card.

specialsubject Mon 06-Feb-17 11:47:50

perhaps she has finally realised that adult birthdays really aren't a big deal? Or just forgot. It happened here last year. No one is bothered!

forget it. May it be the worst thing that happens.

Goldenhandshake Mon 06-Feb-17 11:48:07

Whilst it's not a huge deal, if she does whinge about her IL's forgetting hers, next time she does that I would have to say 'Oh like you forgetting DH's you mean?', she is being a bit of a hypocrite and that would grate on me

Aki23 Mon 06-Feb-17 11:48:30

Im dreadful for remembering any birthdays (even Valentines Day blush). People are warned to give me notice/put it on FB reminders

TwitterQueen1 Mon 06-Feb-17 11:52:42

Seriously? you're annoyed that your sister forgot your DH's birthday? Yet she buys for your children...

It really, really should not matter to you - or to your DH. YABVVVU and a bit silly.... do you keep a tally every time she forgets to do something you think that she should do? biscuit

pipsqueak25 Mon 06-Feb-17 11:52:52

as a family we don't do birthdays, xmas, easter, valentines, wedding anniversaries cards or presents for anyone [includes me and dh to each other] and the op has given the reason why, some people get insulted, grabby, expecting of flags out, cake and an armful of presents. stopped 'doing' birthdays for the dc after 16.

mumontherun14 Mon 06-Feb-17 11:54:12

Thanks for the replies. I had actually re read this post myself and did feel it was a bit petty. My DH comes from a big local family who all visit each other and celebrate birthdays together. I guess I've become a bit more like that since having kids and by joining in with them. My own family aren't the same and I know that and it doesn't mean we don't love each other - they are just a bit more shy and not keen on too much fuss. My mum was always the one who did birthdays etc for us and she has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's so she isn't up to it anymore so I try and do all the birthdays instead and maybe I just need to leave it for the adults. My husband really isn't bothered at all.....xx

Viviennemary Mon 06-Feb-17 11:54:58

I can't be bothered doing adult birthdays. If people want to that's up to them. You get a card from me if you are under five or over eighty. (Not quite but nearly.)

user892 Mon 06-Feb-17 11:59:39

Good on ya Mum - put it in the mental category of 'scatty Dsis' and don't think anymore about it

user892 Mon 06-Feb-17 12:00:12

And sorry to hear about your DM flowers

SingingInTheRainstorm Mon 06-Feb-17 12:01:32

I would say there's worse things she could be doing. If it gets to you that much, in a jokey way say did you forget it was DH's birthday. She'll either say yes sorry, will put the date in my diary, or say no and tell you why.

sewingjassy Mon 06-Feb-17 12:04:49

If someone visited me, an adult, just because it was my birthday, I'd feel really awkward. Birthday fuss for adults just seems a bit inappropriate to me.

This is me too grin

She never forgets your children, OP. I really wouldn't dwell too much on it. Sorry to hear about your mother.

TheLivingAsheth Mon 06-Feb-17 12:06:27

I never mark my sisters' partners birthdays even if I did remember them. The only time I would get one of them a card or present would be if they had a party or meal or something and we were invited. Similarly, I would be surprised if my sisters sent DH a birthday card, and I would be very surprised if DH's sister remembered mine, since she hardly ever remembers his!

In conclusion: some people don't do siblings; partners' birthdays, an nobody cares.

TheLivingAsheth Mon 06-Feb-17 12:07:08

siblings' partners' birthdays, and nobody cares....defeated by apostrophes...

Dulra Mon 06-Feb-17 12:07:22

Yes you are BU. I look after my siblings in terms of their birthdays as in send a card or get a gift and Dh does for his. I would never expect my siblings in laws to get me a card or present for my birthday. We are adults now I don't even expect something for my birthday from my own brothers or sisters. You said she gives generously to your kids be grateful for that. It is quite common to stop buying for adults once kids come along it all gets too expensive.

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