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To be anxious about dd staying with mil?

(103 Posts)
Realitea Sun 05-Feb-17 19:12:45

Dd is 6 and mil wants to have her overnight without me and dh. She would also be looking after her other grand child who's younger.
Dd is not a good sleeper and the other grand child and her wind each other up a lot. I'd rather not let her go alone as I don't think mil would cope and be able to keep an eye on them at all times as she'd be on her own. It's a big house with a lot of massive old furniture and I'm worrying myself silly imagining all the dangers with them getting up to no good together, climbing said furniture and it falling on them and just generally not being properly supervised.
Apparently I'm being a real stick in the mud about this.

Highalert Sun 05-Feb-17 19:14:31

YABU. Your DH obviously survived his childhood.

Rubyslippers7780 Sun 05-Feb-17 19:14:35

No. You are the parent. You know what you would be comfortable with and how your child might wake / not sleep. Don't let other people emotionally blackmail you.

Highalert Sun 05-Feb-17 19:15:47

Your DD shouldn't be climbing on furniture.

mummypeepee Sun 05-Feb-17 19:16:22

Yanbu if you aren't comfortable you aren't comfortable.

Mum2jenny Sun 05-Feb-17 19:17:49

At 6 I don't think I would if you can't guarantee mil will keep her safe particularly if another child is there too. On her own may be better!

Realitea Sun 05-Feb-17 19:19:06

Mixed response here. I'm not so much concerned about dd it's more the younger one climbing on furniture. I just can't see how mil could keep an eye on them if she's on her own?

Highalert Sun 05-Feb-17 19:20:56

Is she elderly and infirm? Just how big is her house?

Realitea Sun 05-Feb-17 19:21:15

It's a whopper of a house. She's quite elderly

HelsBels5000 Sun 05-Feb-17 19:22:13

Do you keep your eyes on your DD at all times when she is home? Like all the time?
I know I don't, its physically impossible I have 3 DC.
She can be trusted to keep them safe surely unless you have evidence to the prove the opposite? Your DP obviously survived under her care.

Realitea Sun 05-Feb-17 19:26:14

I suppose so. But then I know what she's like when she gets together with the younger one and they're quite a handful. At home she doesn't have that. And my house is child proofed. Not that she's wild or anything but I don't have those worries at home but I would in someone else's home

Trifleorbust Sun 05-Feb-17 19:26:35

Although it is still completely up to you, I think you are overthinking it. What random accident is likely to befall a 6 year old? You can't watch them all the time, surely? And if you do, YABU.

NavyandWhite Sun 05-Feb-17 19:27:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

waterrat Sun 05-Feb-17 19:28:57

well, usually I would say you are the parent and you make the decisions based on your instinct - but it seems quite unusual to worry about a 6 year old playing on furniture? Surely by that age it's good for them to take some risks - if they were in the park they would be running through woods/ climbing trees? It seems really anxious to worry about a 6 yr old hurting themselves while playing - basically you should just do what you feel right but really does seem a bit extreme.

you are the one who knows your MIL though - if you think she isn't capable of looking after 2 young kids then follow your instinct.

ScarlettFreestone Sun 05-Feb-17 19:31:13

Does your DD want to go?

Realitea Sun 05-Feb-17 19:32:20

I think my anxiety comes from a local girl who was at her grandmas and some furniture she was swinging on fell on her and she died. It upset me so much I've always remembered it. My dd is older and sensible but I just have this feeling that mil wouldn't watch them enough as whenever I'm there they're just left to their own devices. I'm even constantly putting the fire guard up as they don't bother!
Mil is 75

Realitea Sun 05-Feb-17 19:32:59

Dd does like going there but would feel a bit wobbly being without the rest of us being there too

Cherrysoup Sun 05-Feb-17 19:35:13

Then just say no. Simple.

GoosevonMoose Sun 05-Feb-17 19:36:33

75 isn't quite elderly! Some are spry at that age others not so much but I still wouldn't call 75 'quite elderly'. Only you know what's best but I'd let a 6 year old go and make great memories with her gran.

NavyandWhite Sun 05-Feb-17 19:36:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Realitea Sun 05-Feb-17 19:43:40

Ok.. it's hard to tell with me as I do have anxiety anyway and I try to be as logical as I can.
Some people at that age are quite elderly and some aren't, it depends on the person! I'd say mil is.

Mum2jenny Sun 05-Feb-17 19:45:47

Given the description of your mil and her house, I would not let your dd stay there without you being present.

Chchchchangeabout Sun 05-Feb-17 19:45:59

I would go with your instinct. If you say no, what's the worst that can happen? If you say yes and something happens would you ever forgive yourself?

NavyandWhite Sun 05-Feb-17 19:46:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HelsBels5000 Sun 05-Feb-17 19:47:47

I'd also hazard a guess that MIL might be stricter with her GC when parents aren't around. I know that when I'm present, my parents / ILs take a step back and don't really do any disciplining. If any of my children sleepover then the rules are the same and upheld by the GP.
Give her a chance!

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