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Not sure whether to speak to the mum

(14 Posts)
MrsPatrickDempsey Sun 05-Feb-17 19:04:45

DD (15) has been out with friends that's she doesn't see that often. I know one of the mums quite well. Her DD was boasting to the others about boyfriends and sending nudes to boys via social media. DD told me; is worried but suspicious that friend is showing off/lying which she has form for. DD doesn't want to get into trouble for snitching on friend but I feel that as she has confided in me I have a responsibility here. What should I do?

Rumtopf Sun 05-Feb-17 19:07:19

I'd speak to pastoral care at school.

Have been put in a similar situation and they handled it well.

MrsPatrickDempsey Sun 05-Feb-17 19:10:27

The girls go to different schools. I wouldn't know who to speak to.

Trifleorbust Sun 05-Feb-17 19:13:58

I think you need to speak to the mum. If she has any decency about her she will not reveal her source and will pretend to have checked the phone or heard about it elsewhere. If she doesn't, well, that's unfortunate. Her daughter is putting herself at risk and I agree you have a responsibility as the adult to tell.

early30smum Sun 05-Feb-17 19:32:31

Very tricky but you should speak up. Untold harm can come from this sort of thing.

donquixotedelamancha Sun 05-Feb-17 20:52:03

What would you want if the positions were reversed. I know I'd want to know.

Ilovecaindingle Sun 05-Feb-17 20:53:24

Def tell her dm. . Hell knows where the pics could end up.

DearMrDilkington Sun 05-Feb-17 20:54:42

100% Speak to her mum.

MumW Sun 05-Feb-17 21:49:51

You have to raise this with someone. If you really don't want to talk to the mum, then ring the friend's school and ask to speak to the person responsible for safeguarding. They will be used to dealing with this sort of thing sensitively.

Don't expect to hear what happens, though, as it will all be confidential but this doesn't mean your concerns haven't been dealt with.

HarryPottersMagicWand Sun 05-Feb-17 21:52:15

I'd speak to the mum. In the same situation, if it was my DD I'd want to know, whether she was lying or not. I read today that girls are 4 times more likely to actually send this type of thing than boys.

user1471467016 Sun 05-Feb-17 21:58:31

You need to do something, if speaking to the Mum is too hard and putting you off, plan B. If you know the school, phone it in that way. All schools have a pastoral head (though admittedly some aren't good). Ask that it is recorded and acted upon. Whilst you have no real assurances, your daughter hopefully might hear something that assures you. The repercussions can be immense,
Parents do want to know, but the messenger often gets shot in the process. However

user1471467016 Sun 05-Feb-17 22:08:38


All schools have a designated child protection officer (usually the head of pastoral care). Ask to speak to them, they have access to services (police, social services, ceops, cse team etc.) - they will have experience with this, unfortunately dealing with it fairly routinely

IPreferCatstoPeople Sun 05-Feb-17 22:09:56

You need to let the parent know. You also need to know that anyone taking or passing on a nude or sexualised photo of any person under the age of 18 is considered to be passing in child pornography. Unfortunately, young people think it's fun and a bit of 'banter', but once a photo is out there you have no control.
Letting the school know is helpful for them, but if it is happening outside of school there is little they can do apart from support the individuals involved. The schools advice is likely to be for you to contact the police.
Having sat through the CEOP training and e-safety lead training for schools, I can tell you that this is becoming a real issue.
Please look after yourself and your child, you can but try and keep them safe by giving the best advice that you can.
The CEOP website is really very good and gives lots of very helpful advice. Good luck.

AlmostAJillSandwich Sun 05-Feb-17 22:17:55

I'd have to say something to the mother. IF the girl was lying then she gets humiliated having to tell her mum it was made up, and probably explain WHY she made something like that up.
Far worse than that is if what she's claimed is true. The people she has sent those photos to will be considered in possession of child pornography. If they post it online, send it to friends or even show it just on their phone screen to someone else, they're distributing child pornography. I do believe as she's sent the photos herself, even though they are of her, she's guilty of distributing child pornography too, possibly even some form of crime that shes creating child pornography by even taking the photos. She could also have been pressured or is vulnerable, if it becomes common knowledge shes sending nudes to multiple boys she's going to get an awful peer reputation, and may be at risk of bullying including physical violence for it, especially if she sends it to another girls boyfriend. It will be humiliating admitting it to her mum if she's made it up, more so if it is true, but if it is true it needs controlling NOW, getting the boys she's sent them to to delete them and trying to stop this getting out of control and coming back to haunt her.

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