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To think that things won't get better??

(9 Posts)
Jumpqueen Sun 05-Feb-17 14:44:16

Lately my dh has become an aggressive, spiteful bully towards me and I don't think I can take it any longer.
Our lg is 8 months and since being 2 months his parents haven't seen her as they refuse to not smoke around her. The amount of times he tried to explain how dangerous smoking was around babies is crazy but they said we were making it all up hmm they then started being really awful to me and oh saying we had made up the smoking advice to prevent them seeing her.
Anyways things got so nasty he just stopped trying with them and now takes it all out on me.
My father unexpectedly passed away 2 months ago and we now temporarily have his cat. Dh is horrible about the cat and never mentions my dad it's like his death never happened. He never asks how I am or need any help being the executed- just bothers with the baby.

So today's argument is he's been riding his bike until 12 and was washing it outside. I wanted to get on the road to see my sister so asked him to come inside to watch baby while I quickly get ready to drive while she naps. (Trying to stick to a routine as she's not good if misses her sleep)
He never came in resulting in me trying to get ready with baby- she fell and hurt her head. I told him and he just said what's a matter with her - didn't care or show worry. I said to him how that's not being a good dad not to come in and help with her and the accident could have been prevented- and he just yells at me to shut the fuck up and fuck off out his life, that I'm a nasty bastard and he doesn't want me in his life.
All whilst I'm holding out baby.

On my way to my sisters but feel like I don't know what to do or whether this won't get better so to get out of this relationship whilst my baby isn't seeing her mum being called a cunt and yelled at infront of her.

Jumpqueen Sun 05-Feb-17 14:44:49

Ps sorry as that's a really long post - it my first time posting I just feel stuck.

SheNumpty Sun 05-Feb-17 14:47:44

flowers Sorry you've just suffered that. I'd be telling him to pack his shit and go on afraid.

SheNumpty Sun 05-Feb-17 14:48:24

*I'm afraid

Whippingpiccadilly Sun 05-Feb-17 15:53:58

I'm sorry you're going through such a shitty time and I'm sorry for the loss of your father flowers

My ex became verbally abusive and resentful towards me. It came to a head when our baby was the same age as yours and I asked him to leave. It's been bloody hard but I've worked to keep it as amicable as possible for our son's sake. He later admitted that he didn't love me anymore, I think I knew this anyway from the way he spoke to me and treated me. We get along better now. I'm so glad I broke up with him. He didn't want to be with me but also didn't want to leave his son (or to be labelled as someone who walked out on his family). Like you, I didn't want my son growing up seeing the way he spoke to me and thinking that was normal.

Maybe try to talk to him and get to the bottom of it? It's difficult when you're in the thick of it though and emotions are running high. Could you suggest a trial separation? That's what I did, it became permanent and we co parent with few problems now.

MissMogwi Sun 05-Feb-17 16:43:32

I agree with pp. Can you stay at your sisters tonight?

Personally I wouldn't put up with that, and it would be over. Only you can make that decision for yourself though.

EmeraldScorn Sun 05-Feb-17 18:01:18

You don't want your daughter witnessing that, so you need to make some changes for not only her sake but your own as well.

I wouldn't tolerate anyone speaking to me in the way he has spoken to you but I don't know what type of person you are, if you easily sweep things under the carpet then his abusive behaviour will continue and intensify in severity.

I would be getting all of my ducks in a row and then I'd be severing ties with him but I'm not you; Think about you/your daughter, the needs and happiness of both of you have to come first in these circumstances, let your dick of a husband worry about himself.

Baffledonthisone Sun 05-Feb-17 18:47:34

Wow that's horrible. I know you won't want to hear this, but if you split up when he is with your Dd it will be up to him to allow contact with his parents or not.

Is there anyway he and you could take a break, get some couples therapy and release the clench a little bit about the smoking. It's not ideal but if it is causing so much heart ache is it really so important?

I'm sorry for your loss. flowers

early30smum Sun 05-Feb-17 18:49:42

Wow. I'm so sorry. No good advice really but maybe you should stay with your sister if you have the baby with you?

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