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To wonder if you're one of the older members of a large family you ever stop and think

(573 Posts)
PlayOnWurtz Sun 05-Feb-17 12:33:54

No more kids please mum and dad!

How much were you expected to do to support them?

Ilovecaindingle Sun 05-Feb-17 12:36:23

My dd is 27 and oldest of 11 and she loves it!! Tho she wasn't best pleased when she got 6 brothers in a row!!

Witchend Sun 05-Feb-17 12:49:36

The only person I know from a large (bigger than 5) family has chosen not to have children. Don't know if that's related or not. I'm just thinking if any of my other friends have chosen not to despite being married or in a long term relationship, and can't think of any.

reallyanotherone Sun 05-Feb-17 12:52:46

My cousins all come from a big family-15 kids.

None of them have had more than two themselves.

JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadu Sun 05-Feb-17 13:14:45

if the older ones end up rearing the younger ones, then I don't blame them if they leave home as soon as its legal and never have more than 2 kids themselves......

ImperialBlether Sun 05-Feb-17 13:19:26

Are you sure she loves it, Ilovecaindingle?

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered Sun 05-Feb-17 13:21:58

Same here, the only people I know from a large family have sworn never to have more than 2! Lack of attention and babysitting younger siblings sounds dire.

Shutupanddance1 Sun 05-Feb-17 13:26:24

I'm oldest of 5 not including step siblings/.half siblings (so about 10 in all!) and I'd not have more than 4 kids (I've one so far) .. someone always gets lost in the middle, financial worries, babysitting whole way through my teenage years - I won't be doing that to mine.

Hulababy Sun 05-Feb-17 13:26:59

My parents are one of 7 and 8. They had 3 children. Their siblings have all had between 1-3 children each, mostly 2. None had tried to replicate a large family.

KateDaniels2 Sun 05-Feb-17 13:28:21

I think it really depends. My mum comes from a family of 7, they were very much expected to chip and care for the younger ones under the 'this is what families do for eachother'. But child rearing became her main focus very young. Everything had to consider the other children even when she was in her late teens and wanted to go out.

But i dont think all fanilies are like this or all kids quite resentful.

I have two and wouldn't have more as i feel stretched as it is.

ImperialBlether Sun 05-Feb-17 13:28:28

It's so easy to be forgotten and unnoticed in a big family, as long as you're quiet. I always think that you only have to throw one child with extra needs into the mix and the whole thing can be a nightmare. I was always very aware, too, that if my parents died, all of the children would go into care and live separately. I found that both exciting and frightening.

Mrsmorton Sun 05-Feb-17 13:28:58

My dad is one of 9. None of my aunts or uncles have more than two children. Very good friend is one of 6, they are at 3,3,1,1,0,0

Interesting to hear others from large families confirming that it's not all straw hats and trumpets!

nancy75 Sun 05-Feb-17 13:29:01

My dad is 1 of 14, older kids ( especially the girls) had a really miserable time growing up. All now have 2 or 3 kids, none have 14!

Gwenhwyfar Sun 05-Feb-17 13:32:01

"Very good friend is one of 6, they are at 3,3,1,1,0,0"

3 sets of twins or half/step siblings?

ImperialBlether Sun 05-Feb-17 13:32:36

You could have two within a year.

Magzmarsh Sun 05-Feb-17 13:33:15

My late mother was the oldest of 8 and hated it. She got stiffed with all the housework and child care. I'm the youngest of 3, sister is 20 years older, brother 13 years older. She was determined not to "overcrowd" her dc the way her siblings were. She took it a wee bit too far. 😎.

A hangover from her upbringing was she didn't understand the need for friends because she had 6 sisters who were all close to her age. I might as well have been an only child because of the big age gaps and my friends were essential to me and she resented it shock

WorraLiberty Sun 05-Feb-17 13:37:26

Coming from an Irish Catholic background, I know loads of massive families. One girl I went to school with was the second youngest of 13 children.

The eldest kids almost always ended up being quite restricted in that they really didn't have as much spare time as their friends/peers, due to responsibilities to younger siblings.

I think it's great that kids grow up learning to be caring/considerate towards their siblings, but I don't agree they should be made so responsible for them, that it limits their own social/extra curricular lives.

JanuaryMoods Sun 05-Feb-17 13:37:36

My gt grandmother tried to stop my grandmother getting married because she needed her to do the housework and look after the younger ones.

Grandmother only had 3 DCs.

Big families are fine as long as the older ones aren't expected to provide child care. But too often they are.

U2HasTheEdge Sun 05-Feb-17 13:38:18

I hate threads like this.

If we reversed it and spoke about how children hate being only children I'm sure it wouldn't go down so well.

I have five. Large but not hugely large. I manage to have time for them all, and the older siblings don't have to look after the younger ones. Although ds 17 asks if he can to earn money but he has never been expected to or made to feel like he should.

Yes, mine do like coming from a big family. No matter how much some people are determined to see large families as negative it's true.

I am one of 13. I didn't live with them all though.

HainaultViaNewburyPark Sun 05-Feb-17 13:38:57

I'm the eldest of 4. I'm 13 years older than my brother, and 7 years older than my youngest sister. I wish my parents had stopped at 2. I hated the lack of attention and the babysitting, nappy-changing aspect.

My brother still lived at home (he's 29 and has some mental health issues). My parents - who are both in their 70s - keep suggesting that he can come and live with me if anything happens to them. Fuck that - their child, their responsibility.

teachergirl2011 Sun 05-Feb-17 13:40:25

I was the second oldest of five 11 years between me and my youngest sibling. Had to do loads of babysitting as my oldest Sister was considered too irresponsible. Also had to share a bedroom with my eldest and youngest Sister. Drove me insane particularly when i was studying for exams and none of my siblings had any interest in studying. Put me off children for many years!

u123 Sun 05-Feb-17 13:41:46

I think mrs Morton meant that of the six children they now have 3, 3 children 1, 1 child and two with no children

Magzmarsh Sun 05-Feb-17 13:42:54

I know lots of people from families of 5 and above. Almost all of them don't speak to one or more of their siblings.

teachergirl2011 Sun 05-Feb-17 13:42:54

Left home at 18 to go to Uni. It was my only escape! Paid my way through Uni and worked every holiday. Used to break my heart returning home for the hols as it was back to sharing a room and babysitting around looking after the younger siblings. Upon graduation I didn't return to live there .

StealthPolarBear Sun 05-Feb-17 13:43:15

Gwen I think that's the number of children each of the six had

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